Three choices in life; Give up, Give in or Give all you've got!!

Sun_Addict

You can't put a price on happy memories. It will be worth a few weeks of scrimping. I can imagine the excitement in the Lucky household. You all deserve this holiday so much.

MistyMountainTop

I don't know if this will be of any help but I read it this morning and thought of you:

http://emmadrew.info/free-disney-dining-2017/

please-let-me-be-lucky

Thank you enthusiasticsaver and SA. Misty, that's really kind of you to think of me. I think we will be spending more time at the likes of Universal than Disney, but you have certainly inspired me to do some research on what else is available to us while we are out there.

Today has been up and down. It should've been my FiL's 70th birthday, so we've spent quite a bit of the day with MiL. I called into Mr A's this morning to get some flowers for her, and some food shopping for us as things were getting desperate - ashamed to say this went on the credit card as I simply couldn't afford it any other way . While I was in Asd@, I heard a little boy as his Mummy why I was so fat :(:(.

Went to the beach with DH, MiL, Oakley and MiL's dog. Bumped into one of Oakley's brothers :j. They had a lovely play together.

DS1 had yet another meltdown after school today because I can't afford to send him on a £1k skiing trip. I don't know where I've gone so wrong with him:(. He's so selfish :mad:.

beanielou

What a horrid little boy.

Remind me how old DS1 is? Old enough to get a part time job & to start saving for the next school trip up for grabs?
But honestly. 1k for a school trip. I have never heard the like. Well I have but you get my drift.
I just dont know where schools think parents get the money from :mad:

enthusiasticsaver

You could remind DS1 of the Florida trip and point out you can't do everything £1k for a school trip!!! I would not have paid that either when my girls were at school. That is the cost of a family holiday so unrealistic of your DS1 to expect you to find money for that on top of spending money for Florida. Teenagers can be selfish but hopefully he will grow out of it.

Sun_Addict

What a rude little boy Needs a clip round the ear hole.

£1k for a school trip is far too much. Isn't DS content with Florida? The thing is with kids is the more they get the more they want. You need to stand firm with him on this one.

*Robin*

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

DS1 had yet another meltdown after school today because I can't afford to send him on a £1k skiing trip. I don't know where I've gone so wrong with him:(. He's so selfish :mad:.

Sorry, but I have some sympathy for DS1. It's absolutely horrid, being a young teen. Hormones raging, all they want to do is get on with their own lives; they think they're capable of looking after themselves - but their parents frustrate 'em every step of the way! Life's just so unfair (it seems.. )!

Right now you have the ideal bargaining chip, Lucky. My conversation with your DS1 would have gone something like this:
"Oh darling - would you really rather go skiing than come with the rest of us to America? Obviously you can't do both - that wouldn't be right, would it, if you get two big holidays when everyone else can only have one?
Well, if you're sure..?
Hmm, as the Florida trip is already booked we'll have to change your name on the ticket so we can take a playmate for your brother.. Someone he can really have fun with..
Are you certain you don't want to come with us? Because after I have asked [DS2's best friend/cousin] if he'd like to join us, you won't be able to change your mind later!
..Would you like to think about it for a while?"

At the next opportunity I'd have 'the savings chat' with DS1. How he can choose to ask for cash instead of birthday and Xmas gifts, which could be put away to pay for his expensive "desires" - such as the next chance to go abroad with his school mates. Now he's growing up, it's important to be able to provide for himself.. Which leads on handily to 'the part-time jobs' chat. Paper round once he's old enough. Before then, washing cars, mowing lawns, weeding, hoovering for Granny (important to stress such jobs need to bring cash into the family - the chores he does at home don't count [so no asking you to pay him for being helpful - that he must do as part of contributing to family welfare, now he's growing up).

If he keeps harping on about the skiing trip, I would ask whether he'd like you to try and find him a foster family in France? All French kids get two weeks skiing a year [gratis] as part of the school curriculum.. He'd have to perfect his language skills of course, and be prepared to help his host family - and does he realise the standards at school will be much higher; no talking in class or slacking there - if he doesn't pass the end of year exams in every subject he won't be able to go up into the next class with all his new mates, but will instead have to repeat the year..

In short, give him plenty of food for thought which leads him to make the decision you want.

trix-a-belle

if its just been announced then all his friends will be talking about it, spurred by their imaginations that aren't limited by reality & bank balances, and they will have been 'making plans for it' (I know people definitely did when I was at school, by the end of the day you'd think it had no teachers going to chaperone! & the next day the sheepish looks appeared of the unwritten word & the trip didn't get mentioned). They will all! very quickly come down to the ground with a bump this weekend when a considerable number of parents tell them to wind their necks in with the reality that £1k is way too much/they're not going as they will break limbs and there is no chance that they are going on it.
I would remind DS1 in your case though, as others have said, that he is very lucky to be going to Florida and should thank his gran appropriately, and also think about his attitude as if it wasn't a gift from her he may not be going considering how he has been acting recently.

I've read a few threads in various places recently about angsty problematic teens so DS1 isnt the only one at the moment.
He may have lots of hormones beginning to fly round but he should be supporting you and being the man of the house somewhat as he can see what you have going on with his dad.
Do you ever have a mum & son outing? it might be worth some one on one time, do something together for him to enjoy and feel he is getting some direct focus from you (I can see you do give him that but he may not be seeing it that way through the hormonal cloud that is likely going on) but also have a more adult conversation with him about what you expect from him but how he also needs to try and focalise any issues hes feeling it could be a letter rather than a conversation, you could have a particular spot that he can put it.
Sending positive thoughts xx

eta: does DS1 have another male family member that could be a bit of a mentor/role model and support for him? I recall you previously saying him & his dad just get frustrated at each other.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to comment and offer solutions re DS1.

He is 12, 13 in September. Just before Christmas he came home with a letter for a different trip happening this coming June - £500 for a 4 day residential stay in a UK activity centre. I said then that I couldn't afford it, and DS1 said that's fine as he'd rather go on the ski trip next year when it was announced. I said that not going on the other trip didn't guarantee he could go skiing, but he had more chance of going skiing if he didn't go on the first trip as I certainly couldn't afford both. Fast forward to last week, skiing letter comes home saying it's £1k just to go, but that they need this, that and the other too, so probably more like £1300 all in :eek:. I got the letter the day he had his massive paddy over shoes, so it was a no brainer that he wasn't going as not only could I not afford it, but he didn't deserve it anyway, and I told him so.

Then MiL booked Florida and he was happy to accept that he was doing that instead of skiing, but of course his friends have now all said they are going skiing. Suddenly, DS1 insists I promised him he could go if he didn't go on the UK residential, and I'm the meanest Mum ever because I lied and went back on a promise (which I never made!!).

Whether his friends actually do end up going or not is another matter entirely.

I have always given the boys as much as I can in terms of posessions and experiences, often going without myself so they could 'have', but it seems to have backfired. Instead of being grateful or feeling lucky, DS1 is now a selfish monster. He barely does anything for himself, and treats his Dad and I like muck. He wants paid to do anything in the home (which I refuse so he doesn't do it), and when he does have money (Christmas/Birthday etc), it burns a hole until he's spent it. All pleas for him to save fall on deaf ears.

He currently has no phone as his Dad confiscated it for back chatting while I was at work.

Talking about work, it was downright annoying tonight. Totally fed up now.

To end on a positive though, I weighed in some old clothes for £4 today, so Florida pot stands at £7. Today was also a NSD.

Sun_Addict

Teenage years are the worst, I had problems with both of mine, DS grew out of it eventually, DD didn't!! You can only do your best - hang in there!

Love how you've got a Florida pot