Don't get people sometimes

TrickyWicky

To be fair Guest, I think many of us fellas would start to let our thoughts get carried away with ourselves. It's the male nature unfortunately.

What you have to do is overrule that because if you can't.. you're stuffed. She's told you the other person was just a friend, you must accept that at face value and move forwards. That isn't optional, it's a MUST.

Good luck, stay happy, keep her happy and have a happy relationship.

FBaby

I accept she doesn't owe me an explanation.

Except you are not accepting it.

Sometimes I think too much...

Indeed

You're a thinking and regurgitator! I am too so understand how you feel. However, finding the answers is not what will help you move on. Saying that, it might keep you busy in its own way whilst the only thing that will help you move on does its part, that is time.

So don't beat yourself for still torturing yourself, but do accept it is nothing more than that. So make sure it doesn't turn into harrassment towards your ex. It is your issue that you are struggling to move on, not hers.

duchy

Ultimately you accept that this other person was not a "partner" or a relationship but a friend (which covers a wide spectrum ) and the matter is closed......or you continue to pick at it-imply she is lying and risk blowing the whole relationship again.

You were apart -neither of you need to give details. She has told you she didn't have a relationship whilst you were apart -even that isn't really any of your business-and certainly keeping on and on and telling her you don't believe her can be nothing but damaging.

You are still trying to rebuild your relationship with her......It sounds important to you so why mess it up ?

Guest101

duchy wrote: »

Ultimately you accept that this other person was not a "partner" or a relationship but a friend (which covers a wide spectrum ) and the matter is closed......or you continue to pick at it-imply she is lying and risk blowing the whole relationship again.

You were apart -neither of you need to give details. She has told you she didn't have a relationship whilst you were apart -even that isn't really any of your business-and certainly keeping on and on and telling her you don't believe her can be nothing but damaging.

You are still trying to rebuild your relationship with her......It sounds important to you so why mess it up ?

Ur right ofcourse, I don't want to mess things up. Thanks for encouraging words

thorsoak

It started, it finished. It is ended. Enough. Let it go - and accept that it was just one of those things!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOg3B9cELgQ

newcook

Guest101 wrote: »

I guess I'm struggling to explain, because it's not the fact that she might've been seeing someone that bothers me. It's the fact that she claims he was just a friend etc, I do find it insulting, if she said my ex, fair enough. Crystal clear and honest. Re building a relationship on a Ricky foundation isn't what I want.

even if something did happen between them, its not your business - unless you were celebate while you were apart and now have an itch/rash!

there are 1 or 2 guys I 've slept with or being seeing for a couple of weeks but I dont call them Ex's because in my eyes they weren't my boyfriends - they were people who I had a few dates with and would be introduced to people as 'my friend' until it developed into something more serious.

you really need to accept what she has told you or she will get sick and tired of your questions and you will find yourself single again.

fairy_lights

I would want to know what had happened too. I think if you don't know, your imagination is liable to run wild filling in the details, but if you know the truth you can (in theory) deal with it and move on.
But on the other hand, knowing might open up a whole new can of worms. I know from experience that knowing is never enough, if she tells you that she did sleep with the other guy you might find yourself wanting to know all the details.
Ultimately your girlfriend is with you now, she's chosen you and whatever went on while you were apart doesn't change the fact that she's with you now. I think you need to try and let go of this and focus on your future together.

Guest101

newcook wrote: »

even if something did happen between them, its not your business - unless you were celebate while you were apart and now have an itch/rash!

there are 1 or 2 guys I 've slept with or being seeing for a couple of weeks but I dont call them Ex's because in my eyes they weren't my boyfriends - they were people who I had a few dates with and would be introduced to people as 'my friend' until it developed into something more serious.

you really need to accept what she has told you or she will get sick and tired of your questions and you will find yourself single again.

Thanks I was, I wasn't interested in anyone, but no rash!!

Guest101

fairy_lights wrote: »

I would want to know what had happened too. I think if you don't know, your imagination is liable to run wild filling in the details, but if you know the truth you can (in theory) deal with it and move on.
But on the other hand, knowing might open up a whole new can of worms. I know from experience that knowing is never enough, if she tells you that she did sleep with the other guy you might find yourself wanting to know all the details.
Ultimately your girlfriend is with you now, she's chosen you and whatever went on while you were apart doesn't change the fact that she's with you now. I think you need to try and let go of this and focus on your future together.

You're right, and that is what I'll focus on. Ur spot on about the brain being a very funny thing. It's exactly how it felt yesterday, to some degree today.

Don't get me wrong, we all have a past. Doesn't help that he attracts guys very easily, which I do take some compliment in too

Morglin

Guest101 wrote: »

Recently started to sort things out with the ex, great, and going well.

Except she was or wasn't seeing someone whilst we were split up. Obviously something was going on, which is not in itself a problem. I can deal with that.

What upsets me is the fact that she denies it, outside of afew little things that I already knew. I know it sounds stupid but all this denial just makes me feel she's lying and hiding things.

I accept she doesn't owe me an explanation. But when this person gets brought up, it's always 'you know my friend' as in just a friend.

I broached the topic this evening, hoping to just put it to rest. I didn't need any gory details, just some acknowledgement. Instead she was able to bring up something from over a year ago.

I'll admit having some trust issues. Think it's annoying most that we weren't able to have a delicate discussion without more stuff being brought up.

Anyway just venting, I know she didn't 'cheat' or anything. Just makes me question if there's any real future

To be honest, what she did when you were apart is nothing to do with you, and, personally, I would stop with all the questions, and just start afresh.

Nothing is more boring and wearing than a partner banging on, trying to get answers to things that really aren't their business.

Just my view.

Good luck.

Lin