Don't get people sometimes

Guest101

Recently started to sort things out with the ex, great, and going well.

Except she was or wasn't seeing someone whilst we were split up. Obviously something was going on, which is not in itself a problem. I can deal with that.

What upsets me is the fact that she denies it, outside of afew little things that I already knew. I know it sounds stupid but all this denial just makes me feel she's lying and hiding things.

I accept she doesn't owe me an explanation. But when this person gets brought up, it's always 'you know my friend' as in just a friend.

I broached the topic this evening, hoping to just put it to rest. I didn't need any gory details, just some acknowledgement. Instead she was able to bring up something from over a year ago.

I'll admit having some trust issues. Think it's annoying most that we weren't able to have a delicate discussion without more stuff being brought up.

Anyway just venting, I know she didn't 'cheat' or anything. Just makes me question if there's any real future

raven83

Guest101 wrote: »

Recently started to sort things out with the ex, great, and going well.

Except she was or wasn't seeing someone whilst we were split up. Obviously something was going on, which is not in itself a problem. I can deal with that.

What upsets me is the fact that she denies it, outside of afew little things that I already knew. I know it sounds stupid but all this denial just makes me feel she's lying and hiding things.

I accept she doesn't owe me an explanation. But when this person gets brought up, it's always 'you know my friend' as in just a friend.

I broached the topic this evening, hoping to just put it to rest. I didn't need any gory details, just some acknowledgement. Instead she was able to bring up something from over a year ago.

I'll admit having some trust issues. Think it's annoying most that we weren't able to have a delicate discussion without more stuff being brought up.

Anyway just venting, I know she didn't 'cheat' or anything. Just makes me question if there's any real future

You do just really need to try and forgot about it now and move on and it should only be an issue if it becomes one. You are back together now and what went on in the time you was apart is irrelevant now, don't let this sour your reunion.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Guest101 wrote: »

Recently started to sort things out with the ex, great, and going well.

Except she was or wasn't seeing someone whilst we were split up. Obviously something was going on, which is not in itself a problem. I can deal with that.

What upsets me is the fact that she denies it, outside of afew little things that I already knew. I know it sounds stupid but all this denial just makes me feel she's lying and hiding things.

I accept she doesn't owe me an explanation. But when this person gets brought up, it's always 'you know my friend' as in just a friend.

I broached the topic this evening, hoping to just put it to rest. I didn't need any gory details, just some acknowledgement. Instead she was able to bring up something from over a year ago.

I'll admit having some trust issues. Think it's annoying most that we weren't able to have a delicate discussion without more stuff being brought up.

Anyway just venting, I know she didn't 'cheat' or anything. Just makes me question if there's any real future

No. There's isnt any future if you won't leave this alone. It has got absolutely nothing to do with you.

jaylee3

raven83 wrote: »

You do just really need to try and forgot about it now and move on and it should only be an issue if it becomes one. You are back together now and what went on in the time you was apart is irrelevant now, don't let this sour your reunion.

What Raven said ^^^ Good luck.

TrickyWicky

Guest101 wrote: »

Obviously something was going on, which is not in itself a problem. I can deal with that.

I broached the topic this evening, hoping to just put it to rest. I didn't need any gory details, just some acknowledgement.

You need to drop it and forget about it because if you don't, it's going to haunt you.

You say you don't need gory details, just acknowledgement but once you get acknowledgement you will want to know more and then you'll start feeling bitter etc, betrayed, disgusted etc (if indeed anything did happen).

You admit you'd both split, it was her RIGHT to do whatever she wants and you demanding answers makes you sound like a psychopath of sorts. What makes you think you have any right to know?

Just let it go and move on with your relationship. If you can't, then you don't have a future and you might aswell find someone else.

meritaten

While you were 'split up', who she was seeing is no business of yours. you sound very possessive tbh. perhaps this could be a problem unless you let it go completely.
no, you DONT need acknowledgement! no, you don't need details. its is NOT your concern. if it bothers you that much - then I honestly don't see much future in your relationship. I would not give details of another relationship if I was in your girlfriends place.

marleyboy

You are never likely to have a future if you obsess yourself with the past. What was is gone, what is is now, what will be is entirely upto you.

Instead of looking back, look forward and get on with building a better future.

Guest101

Thanks for replies.

I guess I'm struggling to explain, because it's not the fact that she might've been seeing someone that bothers me. It's the fact that she claims he was just a friend etc, I do find it insulting, if she said my ex, fair enough. Crystal clear and honest. Re building a relationship on a Ricky foundation isn't what I want.

I suppose I accept the worst case scenario and deal with it. Which to be fair would be a lot easier than dealing with the un known / un certain.

Without being funny, she says 'he slept in my bed, but nothing happened', which granted could well be true, but being of a statistical disposition. I don't like long odds. It would be much easier if she said nothing about it at all.

Perhaps I'm letting past issues cloud my judgment. I know she doesn't owe me an explanation. I just want to invest time and effort and feelings into a relationship that isn't fragile. But maybe that's the point, in the early stages it is fragile.

I can see a future, given we have kids, and it's be very nice to spend my life with her, and before we broke up I never questioned whether she was faithful, so no real reason to doubt it now.

Sometimes I think too much...

Guest101

marleyboy wrote: »

You are never likely to have a future if you obsess yourself with the past. What was is gone, what is is now, what will be is entirely upto you.

Instead of looking back, look forward and get on with building a better future.

Nice way to put it, thank you.

Guest101

TrickyWicky wrote: »

You need to drop it and forget about it because if you don't, it's going to haunt you.

You say you don't need gory details, just acknowledgement but once you get acknowledgement you will want to know more and then you'll start feeling bitter etc, betrayed, disgusted etc (if indeed anything did happen).

You admit you'd both split, it was her RIGHT to do whatever she wants and you demanding answers makes you sound like a psychopath of sorts. What makes you think you have any right to know?

Just let it go and move on with your relationship. If you can't, then you don't have a future and you might aswell find someone else.

meritaten wrote: »

While you were 'split up', who she was seeing is no business of yours. you sound very possessive tbh. perhaps this could be a problem unless you let it go completely.
no, you DONT need acknowledgement! no, you don't need details. its is NOT your concern. if it bothers you that much - then I honestly don't see much future in your relationship. I would not give details of another relationship if I was in your girlfriends place.

Well if you feel like that and you don't know me, I guess she might feel worse with the questions!

Honestly, I'm sure if I was reading what I wrote as an outside party, I'd probably think similar.

Guess I should just take it that she's chosen to give things a go with me and be happy for that fact.

My brain does have moments of making things worse, without being melodramatic, child hood issues haven't helped with that. But I hope that whilst it might come across that way, it isn't actually how I am.

Guest101

Costa_L wrote: »

I think you are still hurting which is a normal response to splitting up with someone. I think if your ex doesn't feel comfortable labelling her friendship with this man as anything more then friendship, this is really her right. Perhaps she doesn't feel safe acknowledging anything in front of you, or she is trying to spare your feelings. Either way - it is her decision.

I do get it, like I say sometimes. My brain ruins things for me, which I don't want to do.