DH not being so dearest!

fairy_lights

If he works 5 nights a week and you work during the day then I'm not surprised your sex life has taken a dip, logistically that must make it a nightmare to find time for sex. And it's not like you can force yourself to be in the mood just because you've got half an hour free.
It sounds like there is a lot more going on in your relationship than just problems in the bedroom though.


You mentioned that your husband is taking steroids, I would be very concerned about this if I were you. Do you think that could be what is causing his behaviour and moods?

Tinks32

Thanks Pollycat, I thought it was too, but he justified what he said as most other men in his position would say this too. I explained that probably wasn't the case at all and if they did feel this way, they would not actually say it to their partner, just think it to themselves. He is quite bullying, and he started showing his true colours a year into the realashionship. If everything is going his way then all is good, but if he's not happy then he makes everyone else misserable. However he is very good in bed, just a shame that out of bed he isn't considerate.

Buzzybee90

He's sounds like a great husband(!)

FBaby

But it sounds like it is you who has or wants to change the frequency not him telling him that you're not up for it any longer without showing willingness to do something about it.

I've been in your husband shoes with my ex when he suddenly showed a lack of interest in sex. When I confronted him he would only day that he wasn't up for it much at the moment was too tired etc.... yet seemed to find energy for other interests. I never really believed he was having an affair but went from a confident person about by body to convincing myself I was very unattractive and undesirable and that is an awful feeling that eats you inside especially when all you do to try to reignite things make no difference at all on the opposite.

Tinks32

fairy_lights wrote: »

If he works 5 nights a week and you work during the day then I'm not surprised your sex life has taken a dip, logistically that must make it a nightmare to find time for sex. And it's not like you can force yourself to be in the mood just because you've got half an hour free.
It sounds like there is a lot more going on in your relationship than just problems in the bedroom though.


You mentioned that your husband is taking steroids, I would be very concerned about this if I were you. Do you think that could be what is causing his behaviour and moods?

I think he thinks because he is always in the mood then I should be too. Yes there is way more going on in the relationship, however he thinks that it all stems from me not wanting sex, tbh I could muddle through with things and ignore all the negatives if he didn't behave like a child when situations arrise that he finds challenging.

Tinks32

FBaby wrote: »

But it sounds like it is you who has or wants to change the frequency not him telling him that you're not up for it any longer without showing willingness to do something about it.

I've been in your husband shoes with my ex when he suddenly showed a lack of interest in sex. When I confronted him he would only day that he wasn't up for it much at the moment was too tired etc.... yet seemed to find energy for other interests. I never really believed he was having an affair but went from a confident person about by body to convincing myself I was very unattractive and undesirable and that is an awful feeling that eats you inside especially when all you do to try to reignite things make no difference at all on the opposite.

I have not said I don't want it anymore! I do like sex and think that it is important, I just do not need it as much as I did. I also do not have to have sex to show my feelings.

purpleshoes_2

If all this is true which I have my doubts about, why would you expose a child to living with a man who takes steroids.

Get some counselling and seriously think about getting away from this man

lulu_92

fairy_lights wrote: »

If he works 5 nights a week and you work during the day then I'm not surprised your sex life has taken a dip, logistically that must make it a nightmare to find time for sex. And it's not like you can force yourself to be in the mood just because you've got half an hour free.
It sounds like there is a lot more going on in your relationship than just problems in the bedroom though.


You mentioned that your husband is taking steroids, I would be very concerned about this if I were you. Do you think that could be what is causing his behaviour and moods?

My OH and I have that same working pattern. He works 12-10pm and I work 9-5:30pm both 5 days a week. OH works some of the weekend and I don't. We're TTC and it's so frustrating for both of us as he will want it when I don't and vice versa.

I was going to mention the steroids thing too. They don't call it "roid rage" for nothing...

Tinks32

Yes it does all sound like a train wreck doesn't it?

Seriously considering the counselling and the disposal of the DH!

Pollycat

Tinks32 wrote: »

His first wife left him after he discovered her affair, she had been having sex in the marital bed. He started an affair with me (I am very ashamed of this now) when he had been married less than a year with his 2nd wife. Another bit that I think explains his thoughts and actions is that he lies quite often sometimes about trivial matters and sometimes not so trivial. Sometimes I choose to ignore the lies but sometimes I pick him up on it. Like the time when I was going through my computer files to delete old stuff it came up with a weird sounding file that I didn't reconise so I viewed it and it was a photo he had sent via email to someone of his very proud manhood, he lied about that until I told him he had been caught bang to rights! So I think that he thinks as he lies about most things that I lie too and he cannot trust me. Phew as I am writting this and reading it back to myself i can really see how unhealthy this realashionship looks.

I'm not sure that I could live with someone who lies so blatantly.
But for me, the bit highlighted in red would be a marriage breaker.

Tinks32 wrote: »

Thanks Pollycat, I thought it was too, but he justified what he said as most other men in his position would say this too. I explained that probably wasn't the case at all and if they did feel this way, they would not actually say it to their partner, just think it to themselves.

He's deluded.

Tinks32 wrote: »

He is quite bullying, and he started showing his true colours a year into the realashionship. If everything is going his way then all is good, but if he's not happy then he makes everyone else misserable. However he is very good in bed, just a shame that out of bed he isn't considerate.

Do you want to continue in a relationship with a man who is a lying bully?
He sounds incredibly selfish. As long as things are going his way, he's fine but when it isn't he makes everyone miserable.
He's a 58 year old child.