When will it be my turn?

j.e.j.

FBaby wrote: »

I went through this question after years of trying to find Mr right and many dates. I started to tell myself that maybe I needed to lower my standards. I am so glad I didn't because ultimately, by doing so, it wouldn't have worked out long term. I just needed to be patient to meet the person who was right for me.

It might have never happen, it was a risk to take, but I think ultimately, I would still have preferred to be on my own then settling for less just to be with someone.

I second this ^^

Don't go round with 'desperate' written on your head, and don't settle for someone you aren't that crazy about. There has to be chemistry between you.

Sassers

I think a lot of people on this thread are very wise - things will happen when you least expect it. Meeting OH happened when I was enjoying myself and got over a truly destructive relationship four years before.
There I was laughing in my local library with a friend of mine who worked there, and this little head popped up and this guy joined in the chat.
Five years on, the nosy one and I are still together.

ali-t

I would say to temporarily lower your standards.

After being single most of my life and having a tick list of 'things' a man had to be, I am now really happy and 2 years into a relationship with a man who truly makes me happy but he doesn't earn more than me, isn't ambitious etc etc. In reality for my long term life satisfaction, these things aren't important and we complement each other.

Sometimes Mr right is a slow burn rather than love at first sight.

sulphate

FBaby wrote: »

I went through this question after years of trying to find Mr right and many dates. I started to tell myself that maybe I needed to lower my standards. I am so glad I didn't because ultimately, by doing so, it wouldn't have worked out long term. I just needed to be patient to meet the person who was right for me.

It might have never happen, it was a risk to take, but I think ultimately, I would still have preferred to be on my own then settling for less just to be with someone.

I wasn't referring to settling, but plenty of people, especially women, have a huge list of qualities that they want in a partner and a lot of the time it's unrealistic.

The phrase "Mr Right" implies there is only one person out there for everyone. In reality there are probably many people that you could be with quite happily.

seven-day-weekend

sulphate wrote: »

I wasn't referring to settling, but plenty of people, especially women, have a huge list of qualities that they want in a partner and a lot of the time it's unrealistic.

The phrase "Mr Right" implies there is only one person out there for everyone. In reality there are probably many people that you could be with quite happily.

But maybe they want to wait for Mr Right, rather than settle for Mr He'll Do. Mr Right may never materialise but at least they haven't settled for second best.

sulphate

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But maybe they want to wait for Mr Right, rather than settle for Mr He'll Do. Mr Right may never materialise but at least they haven't settled for second best.

As I said, it's not about settling but Mr Right is a fictional character. It's not that people should be with someone they aren't attracted to or give up what's important to them so they can be with someone. It's to try and find someone who fits them personally and shares their values instead of having a huge long list of qualities the poor guy has to have before even having a chance at a second date.

seven-day-weekend

sulphate wrote: »

As I said, it's not about settling but Mr Right is a fictional character. It's not that people should be with someone they aren't attracted to or give up what's important to them so they can be with someone. It's to try and find someone who fits them personally and shares their values instead of having a huge long list of qualities the poor guy has to have before even having a chance at a second date.

Oh yes, that's what I meant by Mr Right. Not things like he must be an architect and live in Alderley Edge

harrys_dad

If there was only one "Mr Right" out there you would never meet them. Long term relationships are based around meeting "Mr Almost Right" (and being "Ms Almost Right" for them) then working on the small percentage that is not quite right, through compromise and understanding.

seven-day-weekend

harrys_dad wrote: »

If there was only one "Mr Right" out there you would never meet them. Long term relationships are based around meeting "Mr Almost Right" (and being "Ms Almost Right" for them) then working on the small percentage that is not quite right, through compromise and understanding.

I agree with you. I just think our terminology is being used differently.

Mr (or Ms) Right exists. Mr (or Ms) Perfect doesn't.

FBaby

sulphate wrote: »

I wasn't referring to settling, but plenty of people, especially women, have a huge list of qualities that they want in a partner and a lot of the time it's unrealistic.

The phrase "Mr Right" implies there is only one person out there for everyone. In reality there are probably many people that you could be with quite happily.

There is a difference between having a huge list of aspirational wishes and having a list of things that you know are essential for you to be happy sharing your life with that person.

An aspirational thing on my list would have been 'tall, gorgeous, earning £100k and happy for me to stay at home having a life of luxury'. I did settle for less

Essential things were someone hard working, emotionally settled, no baggage, caring about looking after himself,independent, confident, earning a decent living and good with money, affectionate, fun, good in bed, faithful, similar aspirations, etc....

Then there were the bonuses, no children, into similar interests, good driver, nice smile, full set of hair etc...

What it came down on me was that I prepared to give up the aspirational, and prepared to compromise and the bonuses, but not on the essential, which in my case, was indeed quite a long list, hence it took some time, but oh so worth it!