Advice on a tricky situation

Markb06

I have no idea where to post this so if its wrong can it be moved

Some advice please ( posted full story for those who not read my earlier posts)

Ok me and my partner in 2003 split up. We have a daughter together. Access until December 2004 was perfect. I saw my daughter twice a week and me and my ex got on great. Used to go into town together and be real good friends. Then she got married and everything turned bad. They stopped me seeing my daughter on the basis that i was illegally driving a car. I was in fact at the time picking up my daughter while having a driving lesson from my mother. She has been driving for 17 years so is perfectly fine to teach me. I had L plates on the car and my mother was in the passenger seat. Obviously my ex partner could never prove this but it is still the reason she is using.

So I then goto a solicitor for advice and we start court proceedings. The first 4 courts dates was for family courts to which none of my ex turned up to. We then asked magistrates if they could locate her as she had moved house with her new husband and my daughter. The courts found her through child benefit records. After this had happened my ex's partner turned up at my house drunk pushed pass my partner and ran upstairs telling me to come outside and fight me. Luckily my mother was there and told me not to touch him as it go against me. My partner called the police who arrested him at my house. As far as I know he was bailed and told not to come near me, my partner or my house. We then asked for the case to goto a county court so we could serve her to attend court. It was granted. The county court told her she must come to court on the next date which once again she never turned up. The court once again served her but this time with a penal notice attatched. She attended court for the first time in 6 tries.

She had no solicitor and her husband said he would represent her. My solicitor requested that he not be allowed in court as he was not neutral or had anything to do with the case. He was told he would not be allowed in. My ex entered the court room on her own. While in the court room the judge told me ex he was not happy about her non attendance for previous court dates. My ex then said she would allow me to see my daughter in her house with herself and her husband present. Due to what happened earlier with her husband at my house the judge said no and contact would take place at a contact centre the Saturday after the court date. I was thrilled.

Contact was 1 hour every fortnight and went great. ACAS then come to mine and my ex partners house for a report. It was suggested after 12 contact sessions I would be allowed to take my daughter unsupervised as long as my Father picked her up due to my ex allegations of me illeagily driving. Acas when they went to my ex partners house asked them this and my ex agreed. It was also suggested my Father would meet my daughter at the contact centre so when he did pick my daughter up he was not a stranger. On the next contact session I asked my ex and the centre staff if it was ok for my Father and his wife to attend. Both said fine. So on the next session my Father and his wife came with me and all was fine. Now as I had regular contact it was increased to two hour per session per fortnight.

She never turned up for the next session. No phone call or nothing. I went 3 more times after that and was the same every time. We took it back to court but ignored all court and solicitor letters asking her to turn up. We then had to get a court bailiff to serve her at her house so she could not deny not getting the letters. The bailiff went to her house and at first she said that she was my ex's sister. I got told this and informed my solicitor who then informed the court that she is a only child and does not have a sister. The bailiff went back and knocked the door. By this time I had already forwarded a picture of my ex so the bailiff knew who she was. He confirmed it as her as she came to the window and refused to open the door. He shouted through the letter box and she came to the door put never opened it. He then put the papers through the door and marked down she had been served by the courts.

My solicitor then instead of taking it back to court asked for contact to restart at the centre. My solicitor said we would give her two chances to turn up and sent a letter to my ex telling her so. So first contact centre comes and nothing. She does not turn up again. My solicitor then sends another letter stating unless she turns up this time a penal notice would be attached and she would be in contempt of court which could lead to a custodial sentence. Contact was Saturday just gone. She never turned up.

So sorry for the long post but I am just wondering what will happen next now?

Thanks for any advice given

stacey21_2

Sorry I don't have much info re your actual problem but the part re your driving, that is illegal. You are not allowed to carry passengers whilst only having a provisional license and on a lesson.

Markb06

I think you mis understand. I was not carrying passengers. I was having a lesson to my ex house to pick up my partner. I never drove after we picked her up. Besides I have seen people have family members in the back of cars for support.

MrsTinks

I'm moving the thread over to the families board where I think you might get more replies.

Hope someone can answer your questions...

t

littlemissmoney

stacey21 wrote: »

You are not allowed to carry passengers whilst only having a provisional license and on a lesson.

That is not true. Lots of driving instructors expect you to take the last student home at the start of your lesson.

(Sorry OP, I realise this is off topic, but I don't want anyone to get the wrong info.)

Counting_Pennies_2

I am so sorry, I have nothing to add, but just feel dreadful for you in your situation and wanted to say good luck.

I am a mother, and disgusted at the way some people behave, they aren't just penalising the ex for any misgivings they might have about them, but also the child.

I really hope the situation is resolved soon and she is given a penalty for her very shoddy behaviour and your visits are reinstated soon.

I would look into contacting a support group, I think there is something called the Family Legal Advice centre, someone might be able to help on the exact name, where they will be able to confirm if the work your solicitor is doing is indeed correct. It sounds like it is, it is probably more the dreadful way the courts are so lenient on matters like this.

Good luck

Katie~baby

I can sympathise with you so much, we went through a simular situation and didnt see my partners dd for 4 years! She would fail to turn up to contact centres and would tell the court outright that she would not be in when we had arranged to collect the child! The court never done anything and its hearbreaking for the child and the father.

Im guessing your ex has no reason to stop you seeing your daughter other than the fact that she can... You can ask your solicitor what other action you can take as this route is clearly not working, express that the more time this is going on the more effect it is going to have on your daughter. Our solicitor was so slow it wasnt until we were firm with her that she got her !!!! in gear!!

I wish you the best of luck sorry i cant offer any good advice!

Kimitatsu

I agree with Katie. We had to go back to court on several occassions and it was only when we had a locum solicitor that things started to move! The courts have lots of powers if they just choose to use them, but sometimes they need to be asked.

Like the majority of the mums on here I am truly appalled at this, she has no reason to stop you seeing your child and that is the person who is getting truly hurt. If you dont like your solicitor and the way they are handling this, you can always move? Also I would get your MP involved, sometimes the powers that be can move a little quicker if they are being watched.

Good luck and look after yourself

daisy_doughnut_2

hi there
had an ex who went through the same thing
take her back to court ASAP no last chances
the judge will get so !!!!ed with her she will have a punishment ours was fined it was sweet justice for us hence to say when the judge said non complience in future would result in a custodial sentance she allways turned up there after
keep at it you will get proper contact in the end we ended up with full wkend stay every 2 weeks an on the the other wkend it was all day saturday took about 6 months but was well worth it

good luck

Markb06

Thank you all for such kind words.

Lyndsay_21

i just dont understand why people do this? if me and my partner ever split up i'd never stop him seeing the kids. i just dont understand women like these.