Being accused of intimidation & bullying

Takeaway_Addict

MissD wrote: »

You really have to be very careful here.

I, a few years ago made an allegation of bullying against 2 members of staff (both true). This was due to seeing an email berating me (I had to have access to a colleague's email and had been given her passwords and her *yahoo mail* was open at this email, strange but true, she'd gone off early because her first grandchild was being born).

It involved a temporary worker and friend of boss/my colleague (2 diff people).

I then had had the temp berate me (but so as I could hear (next room, glass door, open)) about my work, attendance etc to my boss.

After a few occasions where I'd heard things being said about me I raised a bullying complaint. I did this by email and letter and copied whoever needed to be copied including complaints manager who deals with HR/bullying.

The temp and my colleague both denied this and the temp replied to my email denying everything and winding me up. My colleague refused to comment. I got annoyed in the office swore and walked out and resigned and then rescinded my resignation (as I needed my job), I was given a written warning over my behaviour. I in turn threatened that if i was sacked I'd claim constructive dismissal or whatever and I had evidence (emails).

I found out though through an ex employee that the temp (also a legal sec, now retired) had stated that I did in fact have a case and my boss could get in trouble for not acting professionally. I didn't know this didn't take independent legal advice at the time and needed my job plus was downtrodden by 18 months of bullying for which I had counselling at £80 per month (reduced rate charity) for 18 months!

My point is, your employers have to think very carefully and handle this properly (unlike my boss) as your colleague may well have a case regarding you bullying even though you may deny it.

both my colleagues denied this, yet they were lying!

Constructive dismissal is very hard to win so don't believe you had a strong case, apparently its around 3% of tribunals succeed on this.

Realistically the best option IMO for anyone that feels they are being bullied is to move on, its incredibly hard to change cultures, change other people and you can as this poster did waste valuable months trying to do so.

Think like a business, take emotion out of it and make the best choice.

MissD

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Constructive dismissal is very hard to win so don't believe you had a strong case, apparently its around 3% of tribunals succeed on this.

Realistically the best option IMO for anyone that feels they are being bullied is to move on, its incredibly hard to change cultures, change other people and you can as this poster did waste valuable months trying to do so.

Think like a business, take emotion out of it and make the best choice.

I was actually told by 2 employment lawyers (a few months back) that I had a good case, if not for bullying then for CD.

I only didn't take the case forward because a) it costs 500 GBP to bring a tribunal now and I'd most likely be awarded 1,000 GBP.

I do know, as I was told, that the one person at my work was nervous as to what would happen to her, so was my boss due to an award to me, but also possible media coverage. The other woman didn't care either way, she was still working but due to retire (retired earlier this year).

What happened in my case was that eventually (this summer) we didn't hire the temp (retired woman!) who was the main bully and haven't hired her since (I'm off this week and leave at end of October). We hired a temp from an outside agency. My idea.

Yes, I wasted valuable months staying there but it was a bad job market when I was there (got short listed for one job but an internal candidate got that job) has only started to improve now. Also I was so ground down by bullying (messing up online tests etc) up until start of this year that I didn't perform well in interviews. please read about bullying before you may glib judgments on how you're affected.

I suggest you speak to my friend's sister who works in HR for a council, her hair has fallen out, she's been signed off work, lost weight and Unison has been little to no hope in her case, that's bullying for you!

OP - I hope your case gets sorted out and I hope/think you aren't a bully.

MissD

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Constructive dismissal is very hard to win so don't believe you had a strong case, apparently its around 3% of tribunals succeed on this.

Realistically the best option IMO for anyone that feels they are being bullied is to move on, its incredibly hard to change cultures, change other people and you can as this poster did waste valuable months trying to do so.

Think like a business, take emotion out of it and make the best choice.

I do however agree with you that it's hard to change other people, cultures and you can waste valuable time.

However when you're being bullied and it's also due to a family friend (the outside temp) then it's very hard not to take it personally. I also made the cardinal sin (never again) of allowing my colleague to be my friend at work - eg close drinks out etc. Never again! However I know I am sensitive, and it can be very hard sometimes to think like a business and take emotion out of it, especially for women, in my experience.

Bantex_2

Why does it always seem to be women that get into these worktime spats?

MissD

Bantex wrote: »

Why does it always seem to be women that get into these worktime spats?

from what I've been told women like to b*tch about each other (not me) and gossip.

men don't do this or not in the same way.

Believe me I wish it were the other way around.

There are male bullies too.

Cyberman60

MissD wrote: »

OK another case - sister of good friend of mine, she's being bullied in the workplace, the supervisor refuses to speak to her and turns her chair away from her, as well as other evidence. Gives bad and unfair appraisals etc. That can be considered undermining AND bullying which often can tie in.

Also people don't realise that if you're being gossiped about, run down in the office this seriously affects your self esteem AT WORK!

Yes, that is bullying IMO.

I would define it as 'Any action that deliberately or even accidentally lowers a person's self-esteem or the esteem in which that person is held in the eyes of others (e.g. could be toxic gossip behind someone's back) is bullying'.

I say 'accidental' is included because many people unfortunately don't even realise the dire consequences of their actions.

MissD

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Takeaway_Addict

Cyberman60 wrote: »

Yes, that is bullying IMO.

I would define it as 'Any action that deliberately or even accidentally lowers a person's self-esteem or the esteem in which that person is held in the eyes of others (e.g. could be toxic gossip behind someone's back) is bullying'.

I say 'accidental' is included because many people unfortunately don't even realise the dire consequences of their actions.

to wooly a definition

What about the person that is disciplined for making a large mistake that lowers their self esteem and their standing within the office....does that make it bullying...of course not.

Tiddlywinks

For the benefit of the OP, perhaps we should stick to her circumstances rather than the 'this happened to my mother's friend's dog's manicurist' type of stories...

After all, anyone is free to start their own thread about all the other stuff not relevant to the OP.

Tiddlywinks

Officelady wrote: »

Is this grounds for dismissal

Have a look here:

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1461

Lots of info for employees and employers - so you can see it from both sides.