Not a good lesson!

pleasedelete

Why post this? It is a minor event that happened ages ago. You cant do anything about it. Your son and more importantly you need to move on.

What is the point of getting opinions? What difference will that make?

Dont dwell on stuff that you cant do anything about. Park it and move on.

maman

I'd say you boy is just learning one of life's lessons: life can be unfair.


It doesn't mean that he's wrong to do the right thing whether that's listen to instructions, follow rules, try hard to get merit points, stay out of detention.... That makes him one of the good guys. He'll win out in the end.


Keep encouraging him to do the right thing. If you/he considers something wrong why would you/he want to copy it?


IMO his old teacher probably gave in because she didn't want to start confiscating stuff and telling children off when it was meant to be a happy day for them. But that's in the past now, move on.

Savvy_Sue

hollycupcake wrote: »

Was it unfair??

Yes. But ...

Spendless wrote: »

She also got a break-time one, from her form teacher for not having got a parent to sign her planner,

I don't think mine ever got detentions for that, and I tried, but I gave up with DS3 because he wanted me to sign it without actually checking what was in it / that he'd done what he was supposed to do.

When his tutor said he'd got to get me to sign it, I wrote that in the planner before returning it.

I think I then started being more naggy about it, and noticed that his tutor wasn't signing it every week, so I commented on that too.

maman wrote: »

I'd say you boy is just learning one of life's lessons: life can be unfair.

And that's one of the most important lessons for parents to teach their children: life is tough, life is unfair, deal with it.

Spendless, we always used to say that DS1 had a highly developed sense of injustice. His idea of fairness was for him to get what he wanted while nobody else got anything they wanted. And he thought it was my job to sort this out for him, ie make sure life was fair - for him, in his opinion. Once he managed to articulate this, I made it pretty clear that I disagreed.

I think the buzz word for it these days is 'resilience', how to cope when things don't go your way ...

FBaby

This thread made me smile (sorry OP) because this is about your boy working hard to do the right thing and then realise it doesn't always pay off.....how dreadful as it sounds, it's a case of 'welcome to the real world'! Doing the right thing doesn't always pay off when you look at it from individual events. This is the basis of many of the discussions on DT, whether political policies are 'fair' and reward the hard working ones?

My kids have at time have mentioned similar circumstances, especially the bad boy getting stars for doing something that they got nothing for. I explaimed that stars are not just aimed as rewards but also motivation tokens and that those who don't behave or work as hard need more motivation.

I also already tackled the issue of those who don't try as hard getting rewards and I have stated to explain that it is part of life, but that ultimately if you try hard, you still have a lot more chances to enjoy the rewards, if not short term, longer term and that you feel much better about yourself when you know you deserve the rewards, so it is still worth always trying your best.

hollycupcake

pleasedelete wrote: »

Why post this? It is a minor event that happened ages ago. You cant do anything about it. Your son and more importantly you need to move on.

What is the point of getting opinions? What difference will that make?

Dont dwell on stuff that you cant do anything about. Park it and move on.

I'm terribly sorry. I thought this was a public forum. Hadn't realised it was only for commenting on catastrophic events.

I have moved on, was interested in what others thought. Fortunately I received some proper answers before someone decided to be needlessly unpleasant. If you don't fancy reading a thread on here, perhaps you could manage to just not click on it.

hollycupcake

FBaby wrote: »

This thread made me smile (sorry OP) because this is about your boy working hard to do the right thing and then realise it doesn't always pay off.....how dreadful as it sounds, it's a case of 'welcome to the real world'! Doing the right thing doesn't always pay off when you look at it from individual events. This is the basis of many of the discussions on DT, whether political policies are 'fair' and reward the hard working ones?

My kids have at time have mentioned similar circumstances, especially the bad boy getting stars for doing something that they got nothing for. I explaimed that stars are not just aimed as rewards but also motivation tokens and that those who don't behave or work as hard need more motivation.

I also already tackled the issue of those who don't try as hard getting rewards and I have stated to explain that it is part of life, but that ultimately if you try hard, you still have a lot more chances to enjoy the rewards, if not short term, longer term and that you feel much better about yourself when you know you deserve the rewards, so it is still worth always trying your best.

Thanks for this. This is the message we've always tried to teach the kids. It's a bit trickier when they experience something like this but it does prompt the "life is unfair" conversation! Fortunately DS does still seem to be on the right track!

duchy

I think people really don't understand why when you are shot of the teacher why it merited you the effort of writing a post as any advice would be redundant now .

My son would dwell on stuff for months - and try and relate long gone injustices to new situations. You really do have to encourage them to let go and move forward.

hollycupcake wrote: »

I'm terribly sorry. I thought this was a public forum. Hadn't realised it was only for commenting on catastrophic events.

I have moved on, was interested in what others thought. Fortunately I received some proper answers before someone decided to be needlessly unpleasant. If you don't fancy reading a thread on here, perhaps you could manage to just not click on it.

hollycupcake

I wasn't looking for advice. I was looking for opinions (as it seems that this is a recurring thing throughout school) or perhaps some kind of discussion.

pollypenny

It annoys me when teachers do that sort of thing.

Good kids seem to be punished for an 'offence', whereas generally naughty kids are rewarded for behaviour which is expected from the rest.

My school had a merit system, with a trip to Alton Towers for those with a good number. However, I was often surprised to see kids who were a damn nuisance, and disrupted learning for others, on the trip with the SENCO.

[Deleted User]

Life is unfair, people are inconsistent and they lie. It'd actually be good if kids were taught that more at school.

The teacher is obviously quite a weak personality; and it's a shame that your son couldn't have found that out earlier