financial settlement

bagpussbear

sandman4355 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your advice, The "new man" didn't last long 3 months i believe, she even had the cheek to ask to come home!! Angry isn't the start of it, i forgot to mention she also took a car i bought 9 months earlier for 5k!! I guess the emoitional side of things made me agree the spousal maintenance sum, and it has become the norm, i've just paid it and enjoyed time with my daughter. But having just done a csa calculation it works out to be £9 week, maybe its time i start calling the shots?!

Think you have hit the nail on the head here, you've paid it because you are obviously a decent person and wanted to do the 'right' thing. Whereas the reality is your ex is taking you for a ride.

Your ex needs to get herself in employment to support herself and her child. Obviously if you feel you should pay more than the £9 a week child support you can, but I would advise against it at the moment given she is trying to get money from your business.

She will get child benefit and no doubt some tax credits, and given you have your child so regularly, I doubt they will go without will they

Agree with mgdavid above, you need to get another solicitor with more bite!

FBaby

Are you even aware of what she can claim as a single parent? She will be better off than you! What you are paying and she is expecting is ridiculous. You say she lives off benefits, do you mean she doesn't work? Surely you are not paying childcare so that she can have a break for 3 days?

Spendless

sandman4355 wrote: »

Background: ex cohabited with me from may 2010, our only child was born march 2012, we married September 2012, she left me for a new man in May 2013, and has lived on benefits since leaving.


From the day she left me, I have paid her £200/month in spousal support and £100/month in child maintenance. i have also paid £900pa for the none subsidized element of nursery fee's, as my ex put our daughter in nursary 3 days a week.
I have also cared and housed my daughter 4days/3nights per week.

What benefits and what subsidised childcare? If she isn't working 16hours+ per week, she can't claim tax credits for childcare. Your child might be entitled to the free nursery care for 2 year olds, but that has only been since April this year. Before that there wasn't any subsidised childcare.

https://www.gov.uk/free-early-education

If she's claiming something like Income Support, wouldn't spousal maintenance be taken into account as income to her household and benefits reduced accordingly?

I'm not convinced you are being told the truth about what she is claiming or telling you you need to pay.

nonnatus

OP, your Ex is clearly "trying her luck" and has done VERY well out of you so far!!

As all other replies STOP spousal maintenance, pay only what CSA would expect of you and get yourself a Solicitor who will be on YOUR side!

Ex-Wifey will be in for a big shock when she realises that her plans no longer can frighten you.

I'm a big advocate for men paying for their families after a split, but equally, I get really mad when the men get pushed around so badly like this. Do some research. If you have the time, find the JACKRS thread on here (VERY LONG!) and read about a very, very nice man who has been dragged through the mud (and the Courts) by a very, very bad Ex-Wife.....

Good Luck x

SandC

I think you need specialist advice from a firm who deals in divorce and family matters within farming communities. This is a whole different thing to your ordinary matrimonial set up because of the fact that farms tend to be family businesses going back generations.

If you google it there are specialist firms to speak to. I know she's not asking for any part of the business (right now!) but I've seen too many threads on here where people are paying out hand and fist when they don't need to be, just because a demand has been made.

Agree with everyone else, stop the spousal maintenance.

wannabe_sybil

Hi, just a heads up. A legal executive is not a fully qualified solicitor. It can be someone who has had some training, someone who is on the road to becoming a solicitor or someone who has started as an office junior.

Most of the time a legal exec can do whatever is needed, they are often very savvy and capable, but you may need a more experienced legal advisor. Unfortunately they are likely to be a lot more expensive.

btw just because your ex wife's solicitor wrote to you asking for something doesn't mean that it is a realistic claim. Sometimes it is a starting position for negotiation, sometimes it is chancing their luck, sometimes it is a sensible proposal.

I am sorry to hear of the problems you are having, I hope things get better for you soon.

sandman4355

Thank you everyone for the supportive advice,

To clear a few things up, my ex went into full time education in Sept 2013 and got 90% of childcare paid. We agreed that the spouse maintenance would cover the other 10%, In july 14 she came demanding money for a debt with the nursery, i wondered why there would be a debt, so i phoned them myself and was told not a single penny had been paid to them since my daughter started. So, I refused to pay any of it. Then the threats and accusations started.. "well im taking our daughter away", "stopping access" "you'll never see her again" etc etc to the point that i just paid it to shut her up. upon visiting the nursery it turned out she'd dropped out of college just 5 months in, and thus lost the funding, our daughter still goes to nursery now and my ex's reasoning for this is because our daughter needs to develop social skills and my ex always has job interviews but, nothing ever seems to materialize from them.

Thank you to everyone who's given me advice and although i would like to stop spousal maintenance and refuse to pay, it's not that simple, the threats of stopping access and creating accusations about me are enough to destroy anyone.

My solicitor is currently waiting on proof of her income as she stated at mediation her benefits only amounted to around £550/month. I'm not actually sure how much she receives, she seems unwilling to disclose. my solicitor says we cannot proceed any further until we know exactly how much she earns and how much her outgoing are.

rpc

To be honest, with 4 days in your care and 3 days in nursery it sounds like there is an argument that you are the primary carer for your child and could seek residency.

Why not take the initiative and apply for a contact order at least? While many exes ignore the courts, it does give some strength to your position if the current arrangements are backed by a court order.

I suspect you are seen as a cash cow and an easy target, so she is keen to milk you for as much as she can get. You need good advice, particularly if you are going to protect the business.

fivetide

Have you got records of the threats? If so then you don't need to worry so much about them. The moving away is something anyone could do so that is always a risk. However, stopping payment, might force her round the table.


Indeed, if you are with your daughter the majority of the time, then you should really be primary carer and she should be paying you!

TBagpuss

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

In a short marriage each party leaves the marriage with the assets they brought to it.

The child-support is a separate issue. She entitled to 7 1/2% of the OP's £9k per annum. I'd be paying that and not a single bloody penny more unless a court decided differently!

She is not entitled to single penny out of the business and she should be told to eff off!

This is not strictly accurate. With a short childless marriage it would be usual (although not inevitable) for the parties to take out what they put in. The fact that there is a young child changes things.

That said, courts can, and do, recognise that there are some assets such as a family business, or family farm, which should not be treated as matrimonial assets in the same way that savings built up together should be.

Your advisor is quite correct that the first step is disclosure from you both. Quite apart from anything else, if she is claiming means-tested benefits then anything over £6,000 as capital will change her entitlement, unless she is going to be using it as a deposit to buy a property. Which seems unlikely if she is not working.

The arrangments for your child suggests at the very least, shared care, and potentially that you are the primary carer. If she tries to stop you spending time with your child then you have the option of making an application to court to define the times she spends with each of you. You both have parental responsibility and have the same rights and responsibilities in relation to your daughter - she does not have greater rights, or more say, simply because she is the mother.

It's unlikely to be appropriate for you to be paying spousal maintenance *and* child support *and* nursery fees.

It may be reasonable for her to have a lump sum of some kind bearing in mind the big difference in assets between the two of you, but in considering that, it is likely to be relevant to look at what she needs, what you can realistically afford etc.

At this stage, and subject to your lawyers advice, it may be sensible to set out a planned reduction of payments. e.g to say that you have checked the position regarding the shared care and that it's clear you have been overpaying on child support, and that you are not really in a position to continue to pay spousal maintenance. Set out a stepped reduction, e.g. reduce from £300 to £200 (total) from 1st November, from £200 to £100 with effect from 1st January.

You might also want to speak to your lawyer about putting forward a formal offer based on the discussions in mediation (mediation is legally privaledged, but there is nothing to stop you from making a simialr offer outside mediation)

Ask your lawyer whether he has experience of farming cases. It's correct that a Legal Executive has different qualifications to a solicitor but that does not necessarily make them worse. An experienced Legal Exec may be more experienced and knowledgable than a junior solicitor, what is important is the specific experience and expertise of the individual you are seeing.