ex boyfriend owes myself and my mum money

tatieirregular

i could really do with some advice, i was with my boyfriend for about three years and we lived together for most of that time. over the course of our relationship i lent him money, which he promised to pay back, i also paid for things like gig and train tickets for us both with the understanding he would pay back his share. i kept a list of everything i lent him money for on my phone which he okay-ed. during the last year of our relationship we moved into a flat owned by my mum, we were both issued with tenancy agreements and agreed to each pay £300pcm to my mum for rent, except he would pay a little bit here and a little bit there only after i would nag him to pay. he still owes my mum about £750 in rent and owes me nearly £300.
he came round the other day to collect his things and we agreed that i would hold on to some of the items until he had paid the money back as otherwise he would have no incentive to pay it (he has a habit of borrowing from people as well as talking out loans and credit cards and then never paying the money back. i didn't know about this at the time i lent him money)
he is now making threats telling me he is going to call the police and tell them i have stolen his things, (some of the things i can prove i paid for though)
he also gets into places he shouldn't and has said that there are incriminating photos on my computer and if i don't give him his stuff he is going to tell the police and get my computer seized and get me arrested. he also says if he gets arrested for going into places he shouldn't he will give the police my address to get my house raided.
before he collected 95% of his belongings he also told me that there was stolen goods amongst his things and if i didn't co-operate he would call the police and get me arrested for handling stolen goods. (i went through his things and couldn't find any stolen goods)
he is basically trying everything that he can to get out of paying this money back, previously he verbally agreed to the items and amounts listed on my phone and now hes saying he wants a copy of the list and will dispute everything, including the rent money he owes, the other day he told me he wanted to pay me back first before my mum and my mum agreed to that. he's now making constant threats, won't acknowledge the money he owes and says i should just take him to court (because he knows he won't have to pay anything back and it will cost me and will also be hassle)
he's also told me i need to get myself a lawyer, which he knows i can't afford.
both myself and my parents were really good to him for the whole relationship, in the place we lived before we rented off my mum, my mum would always make up the shortfall in the rent when he couldn't afford it and she hasn't asked for a penny of that back, i never wanted to lend him money but he would blackmail me into it or guilt trip me and even once he stole money off me. he never paid a penny towards any of the bills and constantly ate food that i bought for myself.

i just don't know what to do all i want is my money back and for him to leave me alone, i don't want the police to get involved and what would happen if they did? does anyone know? he keeps telling me that if the police get involved I'll never be able to go to America or work with children again. i just don't know what to do because if i give him the few bits of stuff he still has at my house i will never hear from him again and he will have no reason to pay back the money, i don't have his new address and he has changed his number so the only way i can contact him is through facebook.
he has bullied me into seeing him tomorrow because he says he "wants to sort things out the nice way" but his version of the nice way is me giving him the last of his things and then him not paying the money back.
i just really don't know where i stand legally or what to do. I'm currently only working part time due to illness so money is tight and the stress isn't helping!
if anyone has any advice that would be much appreciated!
thanks

thorsoak

You're never going to get your money back from this charmer. Fact. He's made little attempt to pay his way properly during your relationship, and will certainly not be anymore conscientious about repaying now that you are no longer a couple.

Were I you, I would just pack all his stuff in black binbags, put it outside (preferably beside the bins) send him a text telling him it is there - and then delete his number from your phone, block him on facebook - and than heaven that you have broken up!

I know it is a lot of money to write off - he seems like a "lovely" person with all his threats of blackmail - just be glad to see the back of him - no more stress and peace of mind.

....You could always "accidentally" spill some yoghurt or milk over the bags ........

gadjah543

Cut your losses, give him back his belongings and get this scumbag out of your life for good.

Voyager2002

Are his things of any value? If so, see if you can sell them. In any case, no sense spoiling them nor throwing them away.

The police would have no interest in the debt (civil matter), but might take an interest in the way he is threatening you. His comments about 'never going to America' are rubbish, by the way.

If you meet him, make sure you do so in a safe place and with a witness.

millysg1

I would tell the police of the threats. Forget about the money and stop all communication. If he cant contac t you he cant threaten you. No facebook, no emails and no texts.

Are any of the threats written down/do you have copies? Or was it over the phone? if over phone just dont answer it. Simple.

He is a waste of space. time to move on and forget all about him

millysg1

oh and i wouldnt see him tomorrow but if you do, take someone with you or meet in public.

Quasar

Has he texted you about this? If not, text him and see if he texts you back with a threat or something then keep his replies (you can upload them on computer and then to a USB drive or disk for extra security), as they will serve you in case he gets the police involved - although I doubt he does as I'm absolutely sure a chap like that has things to hide from the police and it is not in his interest to bring them into this situation.

My sister has nailed someone (a stalker) precisely with this ruse and he has been successfully prosecuted, although that is in another country but I believe it works here as well.

tatieirregular

Thanks guys. The stuff left is about 6 items which are of some value, but would make up less than £200. But can he call the police and tell them I have his things? And what would happen? Some of the items I paid for as they were presents so I can prove I paid for them, would he have to prove he paid for the other items? How would the police work out who owned what? Would the police even care?
I really don't want to have to go to court and he knows this as I had to take one of my old flat mates to court over money she stole off me and I hardly got anything back so he is pushing the court thing as he knows it would be the worst for me and knows I won't get anything back. My mum could take him to court over the unpaid rent as there is a tenancy agreement but I know that she doesn't want to have to take that route either.
And what about the photos on the computer? He says he wants those back and that they mean more to him than the stuff but how can I trust what he says and could he call the police and say I have (the only) copies of his photos on my computer and won't give them back?
(He's a photographer)
I guess I'll have to see what he says tomorrow, I've arranged to meet him in a public place so I'm going to try and reason with him.
Thanks again for your advice.

lincroft1710

Whatever you bought him as a present belongs to him.

BitterAndTwisted

Yes, he can tell the police that you have his things. You are withholding them rather than have stolen them from him. The police might take an interest and send someone round for a chat but they might take the view that it's a lover's tiff and send him on his way. Ditto the photos.

Quite honestly. some bleeding numpty waste of space who can't pay his rent, expect to be supported and steals from his girlfriend is unlikely to have the spare funds to start proceedings in court. Just call his damned bluff and see what happens.

Keep the stuff you can prove you paid for and give him the rest back. Burn his precious photos onto a CD or copy them onto a memory stick. And then thank your lucky stars this filthy parasite is out of your life for good.

madrhino

I think your mum should treat his debt with her seperately. Did he sign a seperate tenancy agreement with her? Does she have records/evidence of how much he paid. If so, she should take him to court.
Stop trying to be nice with him. People like that will not pay whilst you're trying to persuade him. Sell the things that you have evidence that you purchased. He sounds like a money grabbing idiot and you're well rid