108 spiders are a girl's best friends

savingholmes

I do tick most of those boxes including knowing something was happening to specific people hours away from my location. I would describe it as spiritually rooted however I think I may also have ASD which could enhance it.

Msmoneyspider

What traits do you have that are on the ASD spectrum SH? If you don't mind me asking....
This seems to have been a really tough month for me, but I will take a positive slant on it and conclude that the emotional cleansing, that I have been doing, will now translate into that last five pounds that I planned to lose this month.  Money is well on track and the store cupboard challenge has resulted in an almost bare freezer.  There are just three, fat squid in there now  .  16/19 AF days, so no more alcohol in February.
Back to some frog transforming and self discipline, learning to choose what I want most, over what I want now.
Must dos:-
- Photocopy and send off two reports.
- 11,000 steps
- Shop to last me to month end, around SW menus.
- Case Study for HND.
- Art class in morning - finishing off my version of Van Gogh's Irises
I will check in at the end of the day to tick these off, I am doing this.

savingholmes

That's a big question. I will pm you after my assessment. They may yet decide I'm not. 
Lots of goals there - hope you achieve them. Art sounds the most positive of those

Msmoneyspider

Thanks SH, I would be interested.   I enjoyed yesterday; it was a steady, productive day!  I painted a very confident, strident Rooster marching into Spring.  Everything was done bar the number of steps, as the weather was atrocious.  I feel like I am moving forward again though, after a very stagnant spell.  

I have turned down work, most days this week and I am beginning to get much more comfortable saying 'No'.  This is creating space to experiment with longer term visions and plans, more importantly, the time to recharge, that I was craving.

The Mystery of Time - Ec 3:3

There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under the sun ...  This is my time to heal and dance.

Msmoneyspider

I have been very fortunate to have had exceptional care from the NHS and was weirdly, quite sad when my neuro-psychiatrist discharged me yesterday, saying that my mental and physical health were now well within the normal range and had been for the last two years ....  My GP will be able to refer me to him immediately, if I was to relapse, but he does not think that I will now.    It was good bye and best wishes, with compliments on how far I had come from such a low start.  I felt like hugging him.

I seem to be having mini light bulb moments recently.  I am now well and the responsibility is on me to maintain that.

Today I am going to brainstorm my exercise and study routine, as I am recognising two things:-

1.  My step count is heavily dependent on the weather.  As I can't control the weather, which has been appalling throughout February and I don't enjoy walking in sub-optimal conditions, I need to come up with a more robust, sustainable plan.

2.  I am better at smaller, task orientated study sessions, rather than blocking out whole days.  I will need to review my diary and break all three courses, into small chunks, working out, through observation, what length of study period works best for me.  I think it is around 1.5 hours and I can manage this twice a day.  My feeling is I would be better doing this 7 days a week, rather than 3, 7 hour days.  Food for thought.

Msmoneyspider

So, I never did work through 1 and 2.   I got sucked into a family drama on Friday, not sure how I could have avoided it, but it took most of the day to work through and little else was accomplished.   Yesterday, DH and I attended a community fundraising event, which was structured around a quiz and talent show.  It was really good fun and we won a prize for solving the most riddles, but there was a buffet that was composed, almost exclusively of pizza, quiche, sausage rolls, gateaux and cheese cake.   Although I consumed far less than I would normally do and didn't have any alcohol, I noticed 1.5lb had gone on the scales this morning !!  My SW friend, who lost 5 stone, was there and she had brought her own food along to eat; a large, HM chicken salad, which looked delicious and I noticed that she never went near the buffet table.  

There are lessons to be learned here …… 
1. The family drama should have been managed better. I could have still done the work that I had scheduled for that day.  I am far too easily pulled off my own path and plans; people know that and unwittingly? exploit it. 
2. If I am going to be successful at SW, I have to show the same sort of planning and self discipline that DF does.  I am always looking for the shortcuts and easy options and that is not going to work.  

There needs to be a stronger balance between joy, spontaneity, creativity/ planning and self discipline, for real change to occur.

“Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.” Narcotics Anonymous

Msmoneyspider

I was starting to think that this month had been a write-off, because the weather has been atrocious and I have felt quite fatigued and emotional; weight loss has been very slow too.  

However, I have analysed all my expenditure and it is well under what I budgeted for. My entertainment, miscellaneous, diesel and shopping expenses are extremely low - the advantage of having far too many duvet days and a store cupboard challenge.  I am on track to have £1,000.00 more in reserves at the end of this month, than at the beginning and I will have lost 10 pounds so far this year, so I am doing OK.  

I realise that the S World meetings have been getting me down.  I am losing about 0.5 lb a week, or maintaining, since I started and they make me feel like I am failing by not hitting bigger numbers, which are not realistic for me.  I hate the church hall format, sitting around a room, listening to people confess their shortcomings, not sure I want to go back tomorrow.  The leader is also extremely overweight and I can't help thinking, if it was working so well, why is he not closer to his ideal weight.  

I was mulling this over, in my head, when I was out walking today and two magpies flew really close to me and I thought of my mother.  Her weight crept up, despite trying all sorts of 'diet' plans until she read a book called 'Why French Women Don't Get Fat'.  After reading that, she got to her ideal weight, maintained it and always savoured her food, swearing by a glass of champagne and a bunch of lillies, when she was feeling low, which in fairness wasn't very often, she just drove us all to distraction.  I have ordered the book!

Msmoneyspider

Morning diary - I am at 180 lb, so I have put on 1lb this week.  My body is following, an almost pre-programmed pattern.  I seem to be able to lose 10lb, through almost any method I try, losing a dress size, but then, in the year that follows, I put on around 14 lb.  This has been contributing to my weight gradually creeping up, in a graph that looks like the Loch Ness monster, ascending from the deep.  

I am not going to SW today, instead I am setting myself a short term goal, of being 178 lb, by 1st March 2020.  This will mean that I have lost 11 lb, this year, breaking a deep seated pattern and hitting a 2020 low.

I am going to stay extremely focused for six days.  I will  spend no more money (after my candle purchase*), lose 2 pounds and finish off deep cleaning the bedroom, thereby finishing this tough month on a high and I will be ready to stride into spring.   To achieve this I batch cooked yesterday, menu planned for the week and I have charged up my Fitbit.  The weather is improving, so there is no excuse for not hitting my steps.

* I realised that my dark pink, glittery watermelon candle, has almost burned out.  I had made no personal spends, so I have treated myself to:-

Paris en Fleur candle, in honour of my mother, who was a real Francophile:- 

"The limited edition Paris en Fleur candle is a tribute to Paris, the city of a thousand faces and birthplace of diptyque. A delightfully fresh rose chypre scent with patchouli and a flurry of petals.

I will read my new book, in the bath, with the candle on and visualise a slim,  Ooh La La version of me and see if that beats the SW method of losing weight.  I am confident it will.  Approximately the same price too - £53.00.

 C'est La Vie.

savingholmes

I am glad that your specialist saw you as doing well enough to be discharged that's fab news. Being on or below budget - very impressive. Self care being practiced another tick - you've had a good start to the year. 

Msmoneyspider

Thanks SH, it would have been very easy to have lost focus, completely, over the last couple of weeks and thrown in the proverbial towel.  Posting on here and reading other diaries, has made me realise that the lack of sunshine, constant wind, relentless rain and mud are having an effect on the collective mojo, so I am not going to take my own slump too personally!   It is now an opportunity to strengthen my resolve.   
"The mighty oak was once a little nut who stood it's ground" Unknown.