108 spiders are a girl's best friends

savingholmes

Sounds positive that you could manage financially on the bursary and your existing business. As you say - if you visualise who you need to come along and take your business forward in great detail - it will make it easier for you to recognise them when they come.

On earthships - I think the bottle walls look amazing - pounding tyres though looks way beyond me. I would love to build my own home but think it would probably end up being way too stressful. I have to remind myself the most complicated thing we ever did was get new engineered wood flooring put down through the downstairs (other than the kitchen). I should probably try at least a kitchen re-fit before thinking I could tackle anything bigger. I look forward to hearing more about your herb garden.

Msmoneyspider

Thanks DIA and SH, that full, snow moon has done it again (plus Chiara), it brought up buried issues, for clearing....
It has been quite an emotional few days and I have had a nagging headache, but that has now cleared and I need to regroup and MARCH forward.  What is positive, is that I have managed to stay off alcohol and eaten very sensibly and I don't appear to have spent much either, I just feel absolutely wabbit.  I am trying to figure out the best way of dealing with it and have decided on three options:-

1.  Duvet day
2. Spa day jolly, brainstorming plans for the next month
3. Grit my teeth, go to work and get on with it.
Decided on option 4?  - have an extra hour in bed, a candle watching bath and then put on my big girl's knickers, go to work and brainstorm plans for achieving month end goals and staying balanced.

New weight low today of 180 pounds 8 lb loss since 28th December 2019. I am beginning to lose the resentment, I felt, that every pound lost is a whole week's worth of effort, whilst one wild weekend could put every ounce back on.  How is that fair?  Then I listened to a talk yesterday, where the speaker said, 'Wouldn't it be great if we could sit watching somebody pounding on a treadmill and lose the weight ourselves, or ogle at the handsome guy, spending hours, weight-lifting at the gym and see our body become lean and toned as a result'.  I realised that this is exactly what I had been hoping for and that life is perhaps fairer than I was giving it credit for …….. sometimes hard graft, over a sustained period, is the only answer.

savingholmes

Well done on practising self care and doing what had to be done. I like your gym analogy - a bit close to home though. Hope your emotional few days means that you have cleared some emotional baggage rather than gone on a rollercoaster. Serious kudos for staying on plan with your goals and losing 8lb.

Msmoneyspider

Thanks Savingholmes, actually the one hour extra in bed, turned into a 24 hr sleepathon, but I do feel refreshed this morning and reset.  I seem to be using sleep and journaling to get over these emotional dips, rather than food, alcohol and spending mindlessly.  I really have to watch myself, very closely, in emotionally charged situations.  I am like a giant sponge, that gets squeezed dry.  
Going to brainstorm a plan for the rest of the month, today, as per the second part of option 4 lol, better late than never .

Msmoneyspider

I have been brainstorming and my goals for this month were:-
By the 29th of February 2020:-

1. I am 175 pounds.
2. I have £17,000.00 in business reserves.
3. I have a kondo bedroom - ready for refurbishment.

1. I have four more pounds to lose to hit goal no. 1 - that will be very hard for me to achieve, but I have the reward of a hen. spa weekend at the beginning of March, to look forward to and I will be much more comfortable, in my swimming suit, if I am 175 pounds rather than the 188 pounds, I was at xmas.  To achieve this I will need to stick strictly to my SW menu plan, up my steps to 11,000 a day and add in 2 x aerobic exercise classes a week - My mantra is 'It will be worth it'!!  No alcohol either.  AF days now 11/11.  

2.  Funnily enough,  I should hit this easily, it is sitting at £17,710.99, at the moment, once all budgeted expenses have been paid, including wages etc.  I still have £170.00 left of the store cupboard challenge too.  As I am moving on all my 'tricky' accounts and just kept my lovely, profitable, well run ones, things are ticking along just fine.  Pareto was right -  20% of accounts do bring in 80% of income!  As this goal has been achieved I am now setting myself a study goal for the month - to be outlined tomorrow.

3. I am going to spend one afternoon a week, deep cleaning the bedroom - 10 hours in total and read the Kondo book!

Despite a pretty low few days, I don't seem to have sabotaged majorly - onwards and upwards, I have my mojo back and discovered that a couple of duvet days a month are also a girls best friend - they are now mandatory x.

Msmoneyspider

I enjoyed my brainstorming yesterday, have written a plan and I am diarising up until September 1st 2020.  

I have approximately 350 hours of studying to do before 1st August 2020.  I am breaking it down this way:- Monday/Tuesday/Thursday - 7 hours studying and Friday - 7 hours work on my own business (all at the office).  Wednesday art until 1.30 and from 2.30, 3 hours deep cleaning house - starting in bedroom.  

I am keeping weekends free for family and R&R.  I am having the first two weeks in March off, first week in May off, first two weeks in June off and the whole of August.  I am doing a pilates class on Monday evening, badminton on Friday night and a bicycle ride over the weekend (with family) to get my 11,000 steps/aerobic exercise in and I am menu planning around SW, at least a week in advance.  I am having no alcohol, in February and I am  reviewing this on a month to month basis. I love water .

I have accepted the fact that I am emotionally very fragile, at the moment and so until, at least, September my charity work will be my herb garden.  I am not going to rescue anybody or take on any more work and I will stick to budget.   Every time I feel wiped out, I am going to analyse what has caused it and take measures to learn whatever lesson I need to in order to address the situation.  This will be the year of 'No'.  Beyond what I have written I will learn to say 'No' in the nicest possible ways, because I want to achieve my primary goals and my own good health.  I am worth it and my beloved family deserve the best version of me.

Onwards and upwards x.

doingitanyway

You are being very active with enjoyable activities that's great.  Alcohol has lots of extra calories too so being AF, exercise and eating healthily will see you reach your goal I am sure
I am tempted by a pilates class. It is one of the few classes I've never done.
Being mindful to how you are feeling will help with your fragility.
Taking duvet days is something I think we should all do sometimes. I once worked for an organisation that advocated 'good mental health' days as part of your leave entitlement.
Have a good day.

savingholmes

HI -glad you are practising self care and you caught up on some sleep. I became overwhelmed at the start of last year - and stripped lots of activities out of my life. I am now having to work out what to put back in. More art is definitely helping me. Once my leg recovers more - I want to add swimming and pilates in. 

I think once I accepted that my overwhelm was due to too many 'inputs' or pushing myself too hard -  I have been able to significantly reduce 'shut-downs' or 'melt downs' by reducing the pressure I put on myself - especially to socialise / go to events. I like your pareto principle example. It's funny I've been listening to TF's 4 hour w0rk w33k and although a lot of it is boring - and not doable in my role - he does challenge you to think about how you could organise your life differently to reduce your working hours. It's amazing what you can strip back and 'get away with' when it comes to a push.

Love you etching in all your weeks off. I normally do that straight after Christmas but haven't done it yet for this year.

Msmoneyspider

Thanks again for your wise, thought provoking comments, this diary is really helping me get my head together .   I tried yoga DIA, but my body could never contort into the required positions, even at the very basic level.  However, I have done a lot of Pilates, over the years and it seems compatible with the average western body and is very good for my back, so I am going back to that.  

I am not going to do any exercise I either can't do (bye bye clubbersize and running), or I don't enjoy, life is too short and if I have just had, what has turned into a five day sleepathon, so what, it is one of the few benefits of being self employed!  I am now out of my pj's and my hair and skin have benefitted from their neglect and are shiny, as I did remember to drink lots of water.  I also have a plan, that feels right.  I think you are spot on Savingholmes, it is amazing what you can 'get away with' when it comes to a push and what few things 'really' matter.  

However, I want to achieve my goals, for me, so I have rang runner friend and we are going out for a walk tonight and I am getting back on the program, 11,000 steps, here I come.

Msmoneyspider

I enjoyed my walking, last night, hitting 12,000 steps quite easily, so my fitness is improving (even after a break).  A 45 minute, brisk stroll and my usual daily steps takes me to around 11,000 steps a day.  There is absolutely no reason why I can't do that each day and the 45 minutes is going into the diary as mandatory; it always makes me feel better and more energised.  

On Thursday, the best time for it is a lunch time walk, in a circuit around the office, with a good audible book playing, so that is the plan for today.  

Greenbee kindly posted the talk below and I found it very encouraging.  The area of my brain that was damaged is the limbic system, notably the hippocampus and the talk shows that a fast, 40 minute walk, three times a week can increase the size of the hippocampus by up to 2% a year, whereas typically, from the age of 25, it shrinks by 1% a year.  A smaller hippocampal volume and a faster rate of shrinkage correlate very strongly with the development of dementia (particularly Alzheimers and Parkinsons Lewy Body).   I am putting a picture of a brain with large hippocampi on my vision board today .

I used to spend 15 minutes a day doing the memory and spacial exercises on Lumosity and I am re-introducing that too.  They are fun and work well.

I am mindful of the quote by Virgil, that the 'Greatest Wealth is Health' and also that I am seeing my two specialists, for my now yearly check-up, next week and that always makes me nervous ……..
TEDx talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9p3Z7L0f0U