108 spiders are a girl's best friends

Msmoneyspider

Yesterday, I started studying in earnest and really enjoyed it.  I am moving things around in the office, so it is more conducive for my changing role and it feels really good, like I am on my right path.  

I am banking on the Mozart affect, to increase my brains cells, so I have 'Mozart for Brain Power' playing quietly in the background.  I want to create a space that quickly moves me into study mode, once I press all the triggers, like Pavlov's dog.   

I was grateful for the opportunity to say 'no' three times yesterday and it was extremely empowering.  In one instance, an elderly couple, who are friends, have two perfectly capable sons and yet I am increasingly asked to do things for them, free gratis, because they say their sons are 'not well, useless with money/forms/DIY/gardening" … whatever needs doing, the men apparently don't have the skill set to do it, yet they seem to hold down responsible jobs??  Yesterday I said, 'Your needs are increasing and unfortunately, my time is very limited at present.  My advice would be to hold a family conference and see what roles yours sons and DIlaw/grandchildren, can take on to give you the support you deserve". 

Still an AF February, not spending much and I have done 4/350 hours pre course study.

doingitanyway

Well done on staying AF. I wandered off the path for a few days but I got back on so I am 11/29 so far.
Have a lovely weekend

savingholmes

Well done on saying No. Boundaries are working well for you - proud of your progress. Love the mozart tip and other things you are trying to to help you with studying. Well done on staying AF. 

Msmoneyspider

Thanks again SH And DIA, I have had a very emotional weekend and did succumb to a glass of wine on Saturday and Sunday and a few extra carbs, consequently no weight loss this week, but no gain either so I am OK with that.  

I just compassionately witnessed myself and realised that some grief needed to be released, so I had a few good cries, when nobody was looking and was very introverted.  It was quite strange that the only person who picked it up was a man whom nobody credits with emotional intelligence, yet he came up to me and said, " You are always so positive and giving, I expect nobody thinks that you have struggles too, what is going on?"  So, I told him that I was burned out with expending too much energy on the elderly and sick and was trying to make some space to heal myself and grow stronger, healthier roots and he just got it so I was very grateful for that.  

I am seeing my neurologist today, for my annual check up.  I am going to give thanks for this amazing journey, called life, with all its twists and turns and continue nourishing my roots, with healthy food, light exercise and grounding thoughts of resilience and strength.

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

savingholmes

Hope your check up goes well. Glad someone was there for you even if it was someone unexpected. Love the quote. 

Msmoneyspider

Thanks SH the check-up went very well, everything appears to be in order and the longer I am in remission the less likelihood of a recurrence.   I am not on any medication and I asked about supplements.  The only one he recommended was Vitamin D3 so I will start taking that.  I have to see the neuro-psychiatrist on Thursday, who also keeps a yearly eye on me, but I think that will be fine too.  I don't think I am depressed, I just seem to have this sad, heavy feeling above the eyes, that I can't seem to shift, low energy and a deep aversion to taking on any emotional burdens at present.  I am going to try Spikenard oil and a hot stone, deep tissue massage and see if that shifts it a bit .  

savingholmes

Hi - just wondering whether you had counselling to deal with the trauma of what happened - in you becoming so ill so quickly and for so long. It's not surprising that as you come to key dates you feel heavier. 

Msmoneyspider

Thanks SH, I hadn't connected my low feelings with visiting the specialists and key dates, yet just reading your post seemed to release some tension.  I do think there is residual trauma there which I will address.  Is there a form of counselling you recommend?  I have had a wee dabble in many forms of therapy, over the years, but find that art and journalling have helped the most.  Have you ever read "The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma" - Bessel van der Kolk. I typed in trauma therapy, after reading your post and I have ordered it because it has great reviews.  I have always been fascinated by the brain and psychology, so I suppose I should be grateful to have myself as a willing subject to experiment on.  

savingholmes

I haven't read it no. I too find that journalling and art work best and for longest. I refuse cognitive behaviour therapy. I just need someone to listen - and when I am being too hard to myself or others help me reframe it - a bit like neurolinguistic programming. I also deliberately 'brainwash' myself with positive stuff and minimise the negative (ie no news, no scary or violent programmes or movies etc). I try to keep myself within a 'range' if that makes sense. Plus i keep taking the tablets as they say. 

Msmoneyspider

Yes, I completely understand keeping myself within a 'range'.  I was once told to operate at only 70% of what I was capable of, so that there was always spare energy for times of heightened emotions.   I believe I am an emotional empath and have been repeatedly told that I have to ground, shield and always clear my space, while maintaining very strong roots, in order not to merge with others.  I found this article interesting so will put it here for reference and a reminder to do the above repeatedly …… I need someone to listen too and reframe, like you did last night.  Thank you again.  I suspect that you tick many boxes below too , x. My other problem, with any counsellors I have tried, is that I always find myself becoming fascinated by their story.  For example, last year I booked myself in for a session with a top therapist, who runs a big, holistic operation but insists that all his counsellors use a 'humanist' framework, which I found odd.  Within about 30 minutes, I said to him, 'You are not a humanist, there is a strong spiritual side to you that you are hiding from everyone". I then ended up listening, for the next 30 minutes, to the most fascinating human being/mystic who was finally being true to himself.  He was the diametric opposite to his public personae …….. He admitted this too!

20 Ways To Know You Are An Emotional Empath

Being an empath means you are affected by the energy of other people, and you have the ability to feel and perceive others. As described by Dr. Judith Orloff, empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme. They are naturally giving, spiritually attuned, and they are good listeners. Being an empath is more than being highly sensitive — empaths can perceive physical sensitivities. They often know the motivations and intentions of other people.

These are 20 of the most common traits of an empath:

1. Knowing – empaths know things, without being told. It’s something deeper than just intuition or a gut feeling. The more attuned an empath is, the stronger this gift becomes.

2. Feeling overwhelmed in public places – places that are full of crowds like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums can feel overwhelming to an empath, because they feel the mixed emotions of those around them.

3. Feeling the emotions of others and taking them on as your own – this is an extremely strong indicator that you’re an empath. Some empaths can even feel emotions from those who are a vast distance away.

4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on T.V. is unbearable – the more attuned an empath becomes, the harder it is to watch violence on television, or even read about it in a book or in the newspaper.

5. Knowing when someone is lying – an empath can tell if a friend or a loved one is telling lies, or if someone is saying one thing, but thinking or feeling a different way.

6. Picking up physical symptoms – an empath can develop the ailments of others when they’re sick, somewhat like sympathy pains.

7. Looking out for the underdog – anyone who is suffering in emotional pain or being bullied draws an empath’s attention and compassion.

8. Feeling fatigue – empaths often become drained of energy, either from energy vampires or from taking on too much from others. This type of fatigue is one that sleep cannot cure.

9. An addictive personality – empaths may turn to something like alcohol, drugs or sex to block out the emotions of others. It’s a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something.

10. Being drawn to healing – holistic therapy and anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to empaths, as they are drawn to healing.

11. Creativity – from singing, dancing or acting, to drawing or writing, empaths have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.

12. Loving nature – being outdoors is a must for empaths, and pets are an essential part of their lives.

13. Needing solitude – empaths need their quiet time. 

14. Getting bored or distracted easily – work, school or home life has to be kept interesting for an empath, or they switch it off and end up daydreaming or doodling.

15. Striving for the truth – this becomes more prevalent when an empath discovers his or her gifts. Anything untruthful feels wrong to an empath.

16. A free spirit – empaths like adventure, freedom and travel.

17. Daydreaming – an empath can stare into space for hours, blissfully living in a world of their own.

18. Finding control imprisoning – anything that seems to be taking away an empath’s freedom, such as routine, rules or control, is debilitating to an empath.

19. A good listener – an empath won’t talk about themselves much, unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about other people, and they genuinely care to listen.

20. An intolerance to narcissism – empaths are kind and often very tolerant of others, but they do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider other people’s feelings.