support for Rape Victim

BitterAndTwisted

I wouldn't mention the police to her again if she's adamant at the moment. She might feel differently in 24 or 48 hour's time, perhaps once she's had a chat with the doctor. They might be able to refer her for counselling as it's pretty urgent given her past experience of sexual abuse and the self-harming. She'll be asking herself some pretty searching questions about trust right now, so it's quite important that you're not seen to be betraying her yourself by getting other agencies involved without her consent.

Devastatedmum

Thanks bitter and twisted you are absolutely right about the police and yes she has already started saying what's wrong with me, why has this happened to me again. I have stressed that it's not her, no matter the situation or people involved, no means no and there is no in between she kept saying no and was ignored and overpowered.

System

What a distressing situation.

They say most rapes go unreported, and also that most rapes are committed not by a stranger but by somebody known to the victim.

I hope you manage to get through to Rape Crisis, and that they can help provide some emotional and practical support for your daughter.

Mr_Toad

What a dreadful thing to happen.

Regarding the police. I'm not certain but I think time is of the essence, physical evidence degrades quickly and even something as simple as taking a shower can destroy evidence. As bargainbetty has suggested get the clothes and bag them if you can.

There is no excuse for what has happened and never can be.

System

Devastatedmum wrote: »

She was sexually assaulted when she was 14 and was so traumatised by the whole police interview etc she says she can't go through it again.

It is sad to read this. We hear that decades ago the Police were very insensitive and dismissive of rape victims, but you would not expect this in the 21st century.

It is very understandable that somebody who has been traumatised and violated would not want to submit to an intimate forensic examination and only your daughter can make that decision. Unfortunately without evidence there is less chance of it getting as far as a prosecution, let alone a conviction.

I hope he is caught and jailed.

cazziebo

I used to be a volunteer with Rape Crisis - do keep trying. Many lines are only staffed at certain times so if you don't get any luck with your local one try another centre. Women's Aid should also be able to help.

If your daughter does not want to report to the police that's her decision. She's the most important one here - if she changes her mind later then fine. Don't get into the mindset that revenge is all about winning a conviction -that's not her responsibility. Her responsibility is to herself; she must focus on her own recovery.

I do think you should encourage her to seek some support - hopefully one of the organisations above will help. This is also a difficult situation for you too, please do look after yourself. Is your GP sympathetic?

Rape is one of the most traumatic experiences anyone can have. Horrible horrible thing to happen and it is nobody's fault but the perpetrator. Do not let your daughter believe any differently.

Sending positive thoughts. xxx

mtbbuxton

I don't know which part of the Country you're in, but there is a specialist unit attached to St Mary's Hospital in Manchester, that is specifically for the victims of rape and sexual assault. They don't need to involve the Police, but can store evidence in case the person attacked changes their mind further down the line.

http://www.stmaryscentre.org/

Even if not in your area, they may be able to provide you with some useful information and direct you towards support available near to you.

M x

Savvy_Sue

It might be worth a call to your local sexual health clinic to see if they have a specialist reporting suite for this. I know one of ours does.

ifstar

Devastatedmum wrote: »

I am devastated - my daughter (she is 18) has told me she was raped last night by someone she thought was a friend. she is in pieces but is adamant she will not let me call the police.

She was sexually assaulted when she was 14 and was so traumatised by the whole police interview etc she says she can't go through it again.

she is covered in bruises but says she is not hurt otherwise. I have got her an emergency dry appointment at 5pm Which she has very reluctantly agreed to.

I have tried rape crisis but can't get an answer from them but have managed to get her to talk to someone from victim support but she is still adamant no police.

I am so torn I really want to call the police so that this low life can be brought to justice but she gets hysterical when I talk about it and I know she will see this as an utter betrayal if I do.

where do I go from here, what else can I do to support her - I'm heartbroken that this has happened to her again

I have tried for a while to get her to agree to counselling from the assault but she has steadfastly refused but the previous assault left her with a number of issues which have resulted in self harming. she has started cutting again this time on her stomach where She thought I wouldn't see I'm so scared this is going to push her over the edge and am desperate for her to agree to see/ talk to someone but she is absolute in her refusal of this.

Life is so cruel and I feel as if I have failed to prepare her/protect her from the real world not once but twice.

She may not want the police just now, but may change her mind in a few days time. If you haven't washed the clothes she was wearing then do not wash them. Use a pair of rubber gloves and put them in a separate clean bag (a sealed bin bag would be ideal). That way, should she decide to do anything then they would still be of forensic value.

Yorkie1

mtbbuxton wrote: »

I don't know which part of the Country you're in, but there is a specialist unit attached to St Mary's Hospital in Manchester, that is specifically for the victims of rape and sexual assault. They don't need to involve the Police, but can store evidence in case the person attacked changes their mind further down the line.

http://www.stmaryscentre.org/

Even if not in your area, they may be able to provide you with some useful information and direct you towards support available near to you.

M x

OP, I was going to post along similar lines. Most if not all police forces have a sexual assault referral centres, which victims can self-refer to. They will do the checks, evidence etc, and will not tell the police unless the victim wants to.

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/Referralcentres2.php

http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Rape%20and%20sexual%20assault%20referral%20centres/LocationSearch/364

Edit: I mention police forces but they are run through the NHS.

I also completely agree with bagging any evidence you can retain; sorry if this is too much information, but don't forget the underwear.