I don't have any "friends"

Hezzawithkids

As a result of a conversation I had at work other day thought I'd share this. Some of the other girls and I were chatting over a sandwich and one was complaining about a friend of hers who had annoyed her over something (being constantly late for meet ups I think) and she asked what I would do if one if it was one my friends and I said it wouldn't happen because I don't have any. The silence that descended and the shocked looks made me feel like I'd just shot Bambi or something. Things is, I do have friends - people that I've known for years - its just that I don't feel the need to see them or talk to them all the time. Is that so bad?

I'm middle aged, with a full time job, married with children, plus I look after my elderly mum. My social life revolves mostly around my family (as well as my children I have multiple siblings who also have families) and if I do see other people socially its as couples or in a large crowd. I rarely meet up with girl friends on my own. I have acquaintances in my neighborhood who I am friendly with and will sometimes go to their houses for a drink & chat. I have work colleagues who I am friendly with and we get along very well together in the office but once I've left for the day I hardly give them a second thought.

I have old friends most of whom I've known for many many years but who live in other parts of the UK or the world. We are in touch via social media or email. I know where they are and vice versa, and I know that if I ever need them they will be there for me like a shot, as I will for them. If & when we do meet up we pick up from where we last left off as if it was yesterday, like slipping on an old pair of shoes.

Thing is, I'm perfectly ok with it. My life is busy, happy and fulfilled and I don't feel the need for a "bestie" or confidant. My OH is my best friend, he knows me better than anyone else in the world and if I ever need to confide in anyone it's him. So why the shocked reactions? Maybe its an age thing (I've probably got 5-10 years on most of the girls at work).

It just got me wondering if I'm alone in this? Am I the only person in the world who doesn't have a BFF that I talk to or text all the time? Or who doesn't feel the need for one?

tibawo

Must admit I don't have many friends, I can count them in one hand. I find being a single mum I have not got time to just go out and actually spend my time being mums taxi.

I'm happy at the moment with this as I decided to let the girls do activities so that when older they naturally join in things.

Off
now to get a glass of wine... More for me as I don't have to share!

torbrex

I am in a similar position only I don't have family around nor do I associate with my nieghbours in any way other that to say hello to in the street.

I have 'internet' friends but most of them I don't even know what they look like or where they live.

Does any of this worry me?
No, not any more, I have lived like this for too long now and it stopped bothering me about 20 years ago.

fairy_lights

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

I have acquaintances in my neighborhood who I am friendly with and will sometimes go to their houses for a drink & chat.

In other words...friends! In fact from your post it sounds like you have quite a lot of them, and with your family too a very full social life.
I don't have a 'bestie' either and I find it strange that full grown adults need to designate someone as their best friend. I see people on facebook who are constantly tagging their current bestie in statuses about how wonderful best friends are, who text each other constantly and see each other daily. And those friendships almost always implode and lead to nasty fallings out.
You've got people you can socialise and chat with, and old friends who you know you can always rely on; that sounds like a pretty good lot to me
I think the shocked reaction was because you made it sound like you don't have any friends at all (which clearly isn't the case!) and that would be quite a sad thing if it were true.

Hezzawithkids

tibawo wrote: »

Off
now to get a glass of wine... More for me as I don't have to share!

Wine at 4 o'clock on a Thursday - I like your style!! :D

j.e.j.

I'm with you, OP, I think besties (or BFFs or whatever they like to call themselves) is really for teenagers. I'd find it a bit odd if someone in their 30s/40s who has a family were into all that schoolgirl bickering which inevitably goes on in these little all-female groups. And a girlie night out would be my idea of hell :rotfl:

Hezzawithkids

So it is an age thing? All my energies are focused on my family and work, they are my priorities. Any true friend would recognise that and would probably be in the same boat anyway!

fairy_lights

Well I'm 27 and I think most of my age group have grown our of having best friends now. Maybe it's to do with relationships, as we all get in to committed relationships our other halves become the people we spend most time with, so we don't need such extreme closeness in friendships anymore?

FBaby

My social life revolves mostly around my family (as well as my children I have multiple siblings who also have families) and if I do see other people socially its as couples or in a large crowd.

Family or friends, in this circumstances, it is a bit the same isn't? I don't think it is healthy to be isolated and don't see anyone but husband and one or two family members only, but if you have a large family and your social life revolves around them, I don't see how this wrong compared to having friends?

BarryBlue

I believe that most people actually have quite a small group of close, real friends. By these, I mean people you can confide in and be honest with if you or they have problems. Others are just acquaintances you may socialise with occasionally.

If you have no close friends and few acquaintances, the solution is usually straightforward. "Step away from the computer!"

Peter333

BarryBlue wrote: »

I believe that most people actually have quite a small group of close, real friends. By these, I mean people you can confide in and be honest with if you or they have problems. Others are just acquaintances you may socialise with occasionally.

If you have no close friends and few acquaintances, the solution is usually straightforward. "Step away from the computer!"

What has being on the computer got to do with anything?

FWIW Hezza, no you are NOT unusual. Some people just feel the need to have loads of 'friends' to make them feel secure, and to make them feel that they're popular. These are the type who add anyone and everyone on facebook so they have 1000 'friends' so they feel big, and popular, and well-liked.

They are also the type who invite 100 people to a party to make sure loads turn up, even people they barely know, so others will think they're 'popular.'

Others are not so insecure, and don't need dozens of fairweather friends and hangers-on in their life to validate them. Some people just need and want to have the people they love the most, and who love THEM the most. Even if that is only 3 people. Far better to have 3 people in you life who love and appreciate you and care deeply for you, than 50 people who you call 'friends,' but in reality, probably don't even know your birthday!