Breastfeeding weaning help needed

pinkshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

:undecided

http://www.thinkbaby.co.uk/tb-blog/the-cons-of-controlled-crying/4811.html

That article is about controlled crying where the child is left to cry with no physical or verbal communication so not relevant to me.

DS always had verbal communication to let him know that i was there, but he just didn't get BF.

You can even do it with physical touch by stroking etc... Just don't BF or pick them up.

bylromarha

notanewuser wrote: »

:undecided

http://www.thinkbaby.co.uk/tb-blog/the-cons-of-controlled-crying/4811.html

Sorry if this offends but what a load of tosh is that link.

"Controlled crying can lead to:
• babies missing out on stimulating touch
• babies not receiving adequate nutrition,
• breastfeeding being negatively affected
• increased cortisol levels and neurological damage
• increased blood pressure, temperature and chance of vomiting (SIDs risks)
• persistent crying makes the baby 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child
• persistent crying makes the baby less intelligent (IQ 9 points less than average at 5)
• Persistent crying as a young baby makes the baby more harder to settle by 10mths"


What better way to drive fear into parents than telling them they are 10 times more likely to develop ADHD and be less intelligent if you conduct controlled crying. And at higher risk of SIDs. Absurd.


OP - you have some great advice here. Use dad if he's around, help DD to settle whilst not on the boob and go for a bottle (expressed or formula) if you don't feel that DD is getting a good last feed at 7.30pm. And I'd go for water in the middle of the night too when she wakes.


Just speaking as a mum of a 10 and 8 year old who are highly intelligent for their age, have no issues with touch, certainly don't have ADHD, or neurological damage, or vomitted in the night and have had no issues with sleeping at all since controlled crying happened with them around 6 months.


Keep going OP - listen to what is helpful to you and yours and go with it.

notanewuser

bylromarha wrote: »

Sorry if this offends but what a load of tosh is that link.

"Controlled crying can lead to:
• babies missing out on stimulating touch
• babies not receiving adequate nutrition,
• breastfeeding being negatively affected
• increased cortisol levels and neurological damage
• increased blood pressure, temperature and chance of vomiting (SIDs risks)
• persistent crying makes the baby 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child
• persistent crying makes the baby less intelligent (IQ 9 points less than average at 5)
• Persistent crying as a young baby makes the baby more harder to settle by 10mths"


What better way to drive fear into parents than telling them they are 10 times more likely to develop ADHD and be less intelligent if you conduct controlled crying. And at higher risk of SIDs. Absurd.


OP - you have some great advice here. Use dad if he's around, help DD to settle whilst not on the boob and go for a bottle (expressed or formula) if you don't feel that DD is getting a good last feed at 7.30pm. And I'd go for water in the middle of the night too when she wakes.


Just speaking as a mum of a 10 and 8 year old who are highly intelligent for their age, have no issues with touch, certainly don't have ADHD, or neurological damage, or vomitted in the night and have had no issues with sleeping at all since controlled crying happened with them around 6 months.


Keep going OP - listen to what is helpful to you and yours and go with it.

Damn that pesky science getting in the way of a good anecdote.

http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/sasha-parentingcom/psychologist-crying-it-out-damages-baby-s-brain

(Perhaps your children were lucky.)

notanewuser

pinkshoes wrote: »

That article is about controlled crying where the child is left to cry with no physical or verbal communication so not relevant to me.

DS always had verbal communication to let him know that i was there, but he just didn't get BF.

You can even do it with physical touch by stroking etc... Just don't BF or pick them up.

Sorry, i thought I'd typed a line before the link but it seems I typed it in the address bar.

I was going to say that there's no harm in settling your baby. We never did any form of sleep training, DD fed on demand until she self weaned at 18 months ish (her friends are still feeding at 4!) and at 3 she's graduated to going to sleep on her own without any intervention needed. She comes into bed with us in the early hours a couple of times a week and is no trouble at all.

I agree that you have to find your own way, but removing closeness, feeding and letting her cry is far from the only way.

meritaten

well done! 10 months of breastfeeding is brilliant. but, from what I understand from your post - she still feeds at night? Three times? you must be exhausted.
my credentials - I fed my first-born for a grand total of 6 weeks before my milk dried up. took advice from HV. didn't work.
2nd born - I bought a book during my pregnancy called 'Breast is Best' and it became my bible and I finally weaned my son completely off the breast when he was just 3.
3rd and last born - I fed him for 6 months and due to matters out of my control - had to stop suddenly. (that's painful btw).

I see it that your LO needs your breast milk during the night so is not 'sleeping through'.
I think you need to work out why she isn't sleeping through rather than worrying about giving her a last 'breast feed'.
is she still in her cot? is she having enough solid food to 'see her through the night'? is her room too dark/light? is it too 'noisy' or too 'quiet'? would she accept a bottle? does she have a 'dummy' or 'blankie'?
I don't know your household or your routine hun - but, you do and perhaps thinking about how things are carried out at night in YOUR house may give you a clue how to deal with this.
it could be that she doesn't want to give up the breast yet - and tbh - to have mum and that lovely boob in the quiet of the night............she may not be willing to let go. I don't think I have been much help here - but, I think if you think about it, you will GET what it takes to wean her off at night.

notanewuser

"Your baby will begin to comfort herself and to sleep for longer stretches at her own developmental pace. If your baby wants to nurse at night, it is because she DOES need this, whether it’s because she is hungry or because she wants to be close to mom. Beginning to sleep through the night is similar to a developmental milestone (like walking or toilet training) that your baby will reach when she is ready. Trying to force baby to reach this before her time may result in other problems later on.

If you can try to take a more relaxed approach and trust that it will come in time, you’ll see your baby eventually become a good sleeper. You’ll be able to rest peacefully in your heart and mind knowing that she reached this in her own time when she felt secure enough to do so, not because he had no other choice but to quiet herself because no one would come.

Probably one of the main reasons that night-waking babies are such a big issue is that parents don’t have realistic expectations of the sleep patterns of babies. We are bombarded with magazine articles and books that perpetuate the myth that babies should not have nighttime needs. Babies were designed to wake up often at night to feed and cuddle– keep in mind that many adults wake during the night, too. If our expectations for babies were not so different from our babies’ expectations for themselves, much of this “problem” might disappear."

http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleep/

meritaten

notanewuser wrote: »

"Your baby will begin to comfort herself and to sleep for longer stretches at her own developmental pace. If your baby wants to nurse at night, it is because she DOES need this, whether it’s because she is hungry or because she wants to be close to mom. Beginning to sleep through the night is similar to a developmental milestone (like walking or toilet training) that your baby will reach when she is ready. Trying to force baby to reach this before her time may result in other problems later on.

If you can try to take a more relaxed approach and trust that it will come in time, you’ll see your baby eventually become a good sleeper. You’ll be able to rest peacefully in your heart and mind knowing that she reached this in her own time when she felt secure enough to do so, not because he had no other choice but to quiet herself because no one would come.

Probably one of the main reasons that night-waking babies are such a big issue is that parents don’t have realistic expectations of the sleep patterns of babies. We are bombarded with magazine articles and books that perpetuate the myth that babies should not have nighttime needs. Babies were designed to wake up often at night to feed and cuddle– keep in mind that many adults wake during the night, too. If our expectations for babies were not so different from our babies’ expectations for themselves, much of this “problem” might disappear."

http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleep/

I so agree with that - but parents often like to 'sleep through' too! and babies don't do 'compromise'. so you have to gently train them. and I mean 'gently'. like making sure they wont get 'hungry'. like making sure their room is 'right for them'. but they DO have to learn that sometimes they don't always get what they want.

notanewuser

meritaten wrote: »

I so agree with that - but parents often like to 'sleep through' too! and babies don't do 'compromise'. so you have to gently train them. and I mean 'gently'. like making sure they wont get 'hungry'. like making sure their room is 'right for them'. but they DO have to learn that sometimes they don't always get what they want.

At 10 months? Wow.

Counting_Pennies_2

notanewuser wrote: »

Research has moved on since the Baby Whisperer and now dream feeds, and sleep training (CIO etc) are known to be a bad idea.

How very condescending.


We are talking a few years, not decades. She is the gentle alternative to Gina Ford.


There are various options and ways, there is no manual, just different beliefs. Some do baby led, others do parental led/sleep training, some do dream feeds and others do demand feeding. Nothing is right or wrong, just different ways.


The OP came on to say she wanted help as it was causing an issue between her and her husband and the soft option of giving in wasn't working.


I offered a solution, something that has worked for both of mine over the last few years. That is after all what we are all here to do, offer advice, not dismiss out of hand with a condescending wave of a hand.

notanewuser

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

How very condescending.


We are talking a few years, not decades. She is the gentle alternative to Gina Ford.


There are various options and ways, there is no manual, just different beliefs. Some do baby led, others do parental led/sleep training, some do dream feeds and others do demand feeding. Nothing is right or wrong, just different ways.


The OP came on to say she wanted help as it was causing an issue between her and her husband and the soft option of giving in wasn't working.


I offered a solution, something that has worked for both of mine over the last few years. That is after all what we are all here to do, offer advice, not dismiss out of hand with a condescending wave of a hand.

There are even gentler ways than BW.

http://www.incultureparent.com/2010/12/why-african-babies-dont-cry/

I'd advise getting more creative with the husband. After all, he's presumably expressing wants while the baby is definitely expressing needs.