Difficult few days

kerri_gt

whichwhydoIturn wrote: »

The night my mum passed , I swore my head off around the hospital car park.
Angry at the world , myself and life for the tricks it plays
That anger hasn't gone , I still want to scream .
I think I will call the doctors and drop this stiff upper lip .
xx

If you want scream, do it. We spend so much of our time putting on the appropriate 'face' for society and trying to act appropriately for a million different occasions that sometimes we don't give ourselves enough time to actually process what we are really feeling, not what the world thinks we should be feeling.

It's ok to scream, shout, cry at the sad, unfair and horrible things that happen to us. It's also ok to laugh, smile and enjoy the good things too. Sometimes they both come at once, making you both happy, thankful and sad at the same time, that's an odd feeling but ok too. I was at a family funeral a while ago, seeing family I hadn't seen for ages. Whilst I was sad at the 'occasion' I was also happy to see family I don't see often.

Writing your feelings down can also help, do you have a journal? It helps unload some of what you're feeling and not keep it bottled up x

SailorSam

I'm not so sure it does get better. It's 8yrs now since my Mum died and the number of times i've been the Crem on the likes of her birthday; Christmas and anniversary and there has been nothing to show my Sisters have been near.
Ir makes me so mad.

summerof0763

my stepdad was my dad, he loved us kids and adored my daughters and 21yrs later I still miss him, it gets eadier but you never forget them xx

Poppy9

SailorSam wrote: »

I'm not so sure it does get better. It's 8yrs now since my Mum died and the number of times i've been the Crem on the likes of her birthday; Christmas and anniversary and there has been nothing to show my Sisters have been near.
Ir makes me so mad.

Not everyone feels the need to publicly show their grief. Some like to place flowers, some a notice in the paper, others to remind people it's an anniversary but many choose to quietly remember those they have lost. it doesn't mean they have forgotten them.

It's 26 & 24 years for my parents and 2 years one of my siblings. I think of them so often and tears still come to my eyes at times but I don't feel the need to mark anniversaries. No one day is harder than any other, the loss is no greater because it's an anniversary, it's hard every day.

I like to think my DD knows my parents through me because I talk of them often.

System

My mum doesn't remember the anniversaries of my grandparents (her parents), but i do

Be kind to yourself

Rev

I lost my mum two years ago in December. I still feel like it was last week.

Like yourself my relationship ended at the same time. But I don't have any family etc.


I don't have any answers. I'm still looking for then myself. And I still wonder if it will ever get better.


But know that what you're feeling in perfectly normal. There's no correct way to grieve. You have spent an entire lifetime with your mum there with you and for you. And only a year without. That's a monumental change and feeling really down a year later, two years later, twenty years later is perfectly fine.


Be kind to yourself. Ask your doctor for therapy if you think it will help. Ask anyway, even if you don't think it will help. It can't hurt and you can always quit if it's not for you.

The night my mum passed , I swore my head off around the hospital car park.
Angry at the world , myself and life for the tricks it plays
That anger hasn't gone , I still want to scream .
I think I will call the doctors and drop this stiff upper lip .
xx

The night my mum passed away I completely trashed the bathroom. The anger was and still is very intense. So if you want to scream and shout or throw something. Do it. If it helps you feel better.
Take care x

PeacefulWaters

Remember, Mums might go away, but they're still there for you. Even if you can't see them.

Poppy9

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Remember, Mums might go away, but they're still there for you. Even if you can't see them.

Sorry I don't understand this unless you mean that the influence they had on your life is part of you. I've lived over 1/2 my life now without my mother and I've missed having her to turn to at difficult times. No one else can fill this role, it's permanently vacant.

PeacefulWaters

Poppy9 wrote: »

Sorry I don't understand this unless you mean that the influence they had on your life is part of you. I've lived over 1/2 my life now without my mother and I've missed having her to turn to at difficult times. No one else can fill this role, it's permanently vacant.

It is a spiritual thing.

I've been without my Mum for far too long but have, on many occasions since losing her, been able to ask for advice and always got an answer.

I might not always take it though!

Nobody else can fill her role. I guess I'm lucky. For me it's not vacant.

geri1965_2

Rev wrote: »

The night my mum passed away I completely trashed the bathroom. The anger was and still is very intense. So if you want to scream and shout or throw something. Do it. If it helps you feel better.

When I got the news that my nan had passed away, I cleaned the kitchen like a maniac. I've never been a huge fan of cleaning, but it was a way of releasing pent up emotions.