Moving back to hometown as an adult

BabyBoots

Do have a think about "the grass is always greener." I moved back to my hometown after 7 years in other cities and countries. The town itself is great, and I've stayed here for several years, but I don't have any old friends here now. I moved thinking I'd be nearer my sister and best friend; within a year my best friend had moved away, ironically near the place I'd just moved back from, and 2 years later my sister moved abroad for 7 years. People don't always stay put, there's no guarantee any of those people will remain in situ if you move back. The old friends I do have nearby I haven't seen in ages - people get stuck into work/studies/hobbies/partners/new friends. The friends I talk to most often are on the phone, hundreds of miles away.

Just as you've said, the reality of working in a specialised fields means many of us have to go where the jobs are. I'm not saying don't move back, but just don't expect everyone you want to be there to be there.

Buzzybee90

Yes. Everything about your story matches ours. And we have done it, there is no price to us on being near our families and the countryside. I am 100% happy with our choice! and luckily my partner managed to find a job in his field for a better wage than the big city we were living in.

We had friends and colleagues in the city but it's nothing like having your "home" support network.

Good luck in your decision.

Edit: the city I lived in was very expensive, and to be honest not particularly nice - it was just southern. I am from the south, but the picturesque town I moved to is much cheaper, and I'm closer to london than I was before (people seem to use this as a marker!)

DKLS

I visited my home town a few months ago after not going back for 12 years, its still a dump with the same old friends and family doing the same old shoite with zero imagination.

I will go back for funerals but other than that I won't be going back.

Blackbeard_of_Perranporth

If my colleagues all shunted in and lived in a virtual world. I would be offski. Regardless of money.

jackyann

I am at a very different stage in my life to you. I was born & brought up in the area where my family went back many generations (literally, the furthest back we know of is 17 century). I moved away to train, met my husband, and lived most of my adult life away from the place I still thought of as home. I finally came back in retirement.

You have some very good advice here. What is it that draws you back? Is it what the Welsh call "hiraeth" - that sense of being away from where you belong?
Is it the sense of "being with" family and friends? Making those connections as an adult instead of your adolescent self?
Is it just dissatisfaction with your current job, and as others have said, that the grass is always greener elsewhere?
You are not in a relationship, but say how important family is to you, and talk about future children. Are you wanting to find a partner and where is that most likely to happen?

I would certainly begin to investigate the kind of jobs, re-training etc. that you could do if you moved back, whilst pondering the bigger questions.
I would also do the "imagine yourself in 5 years - 10 years etc." exercise to get a feel for what seems important.
I wouldn't say anything to anyone yet though. Mull t over quietly.

Slinky

I've moved away a couple of times and moved back again. From my house I can see a tree in the back garden of the house I was born in. I don't regret for one minute being back here a few years ago when my Dad fell ill and passed away (in my home). There are few people here from my childhood but I am happy here, my business is now rooted here, but I don't rule out moving away in the future when I retire.

meritaten

It depends on the individual - some people move away in both heart and soul - others pine for home. only you know how you feel.

scotty01

I moved away for a few years and was happy, but like you was in a very expensive area which was taking more of my money in rent (dead money) than i would have liked. I certainly didn't pine for home but went back every 6 weeks or so to visit family. I was happy enough where i was but after receiving notice to move out of the rented house decided to move back home and honestly couldn't be happier. I had to leave my job but managed to get a better one. This was about 18 months ago and it really did work out for the best both financially and in the happiness rating.

Sometimes you just have to go for it, if you think it will make you happy do it!

bylromarha

My story:

Grew up on the South Coast. Hated it as it was so dead end and dull. Went to uni in the Midlands. Exciting. Amazing, loved it. Fell in love at uni, we got married and stayed up there for 14 years. Had a successful career. Had 2 kids. Had a good group of friends who also stuck around post uni.

Kept travelling back home for Cmas and holidays to see family, (about once every 3 months) but glad I lived far away as town was dull and family annoyed me after spending a little bit of time with them.

As time went on in the Midlands, we were started to get a bit bored and a bit fed up as our friends moved away or got boring and we started spending time with people as we felt we should, not because we wanted to.

Then my mum died. OH and I had a good hard look at our lives and the way our acquaintances "supported" us through mums death was the realisation that they were no longer friends, just people we spent time with. We realised just how fed up we were with life and how much we had fun with mates we connected with when we went back to the South Coast for a few days.

Within a few weeks of mums death we decided to move back to my home town. August 2013 we moved back and have not regretted our decision for one moment. Lots of childhood friends are still here and we're having so much fun reconnecting. I'm loving being auntie to my rellies in a way I couldn't have before and my sis is coming round for tea tomorrow in a way she never could have when we were 170 miles away. Reconnecting with my sister has been so much fun - didn't realise how much I liked her!

I'm also loving the town in a way I never did when growing up here. The beauty of it is stunning and it has really regenerated since I left - there is something fun on every week.

My job is one where I get the same pay whereever I am in the country. OH has had to take a little pay cut, but his quality of life is much better. Over 1 year on, we have now bought a beautiful house, after renting for 8 months. House prices here are comparable to where we were living in the Midlands. We still wake up with a smile on our face every morning. And we are going out so much and having sore sides from laughing so much with rediscovered friendships.

My experience is that moving back to the hometown is a massive positive. If your positives outweigh your negatives, then move back home. Life is for having fun, making memories and for smiling. Work is something you do which enables you to enjoy life more. Don't let work dicate your life. Let life dictate your work.

Spidernick

I grew up in a really boring town in Kent and left when I was 21. I couldn't imagine going back there to live now and really don't think it's good to be too close to one's family in all honesty. I live two hours away from my home town and when I go home the friends who are still there invariably wish they had moved away when they were younger.

I certainly don't think you need to live and work in the same town, there's a danger that would make you very insular. You could move somewhere cheaper that's within say an hour of your home town and commute to London (if you can afford the exorbitant train fares!) as that should give you lots of opportunities.

If you were willing to give people some idea of the area you are now in and where your home town is, as well as what your skills are, someone may be able to advise further.