Moving back to hometown as an adult

glider3560

I'm in my mid-20s and currently live about 3 hours drive from my hometown (where my family and many of my childhood friends who I still keep in touch with live). I tend to visit every 6 to 8 weeks and Skype with my parents most Saturdays.

Since I turned 18, I've lived in five different places, for university and work. My current location is the furthest from my home.

As I hardly see my family, we decided it would be a good idea to go on a family holiday together for a week, with a few days spent in my hometown before flying out. It really made me realise what I was missing out on: seeing my parents (who aren't getting younger) and some very good friends who I am gradually starting to lose touch with as I see them less.

There are also other little things that I miss, like being able to visit my grandparent's grave when I feel like it.

In my current city, I cannot afford to buy anywhere to live and am paying a ridiculous amount in rent every month. The cheapest one bedroom flat is £190k. However, in my hometown, I could easily put down the deposit for a 2-bed first home.

But, the big problem is my job. I've moved around for work, following the progression in my career. My salary is very good and considerably more than I could earn elsewhere, but there is no progression available within my current organisation (because of legal issues that I won't go into). I don't really get on with my colleagues (they just arrive at 9am, stick their headphones in then communicate with each other by email only) and haven't really built up much of a social life in my current location, so I'm not really happy with life at the moment. However, what I do is so specialised that I won't be able to do this elsewhere.

I can't make any move yet until March anyway, as I need to stay in my current job until then to keep a large lump sum payment they made when I started.

I'm not in any sort of relationship or have any children at the moment, so it is just me that I need to think about.

What I'd like to do is move back to my hometown. Not live with my parents, but hopefully rent somewhere locally for 6-12 months then look into buying a place of my own. But I have no idea what to do about work ... it would mean a career change and an inevitable drop in salary.

Has anyone else made a similar move or have any words of wisdom?

meritaten

move a bit further out from your current location and a bit nearer your hometown? it would increase commuting time, but perhaps would get you more affordable housing and less travelling time so you could see your family more often? and you could stay in your current (soulless) job until you found something else?

clayton16749

The people you work with all communicate with each other by email only?! I'd go mad and be climbing walls. There's lots of colleagues to speak with in my job and I couldn't do without the banter in the workplace.


Happiness surely has to take primacy.


Move home to your friends and family and find a job, any job, but one where you interact with actual human beings.


I spent some time living around 250 miles from home when I was in my 20s. After a while, I just couldn't wait to get back and felt drawn to my home.

MrsAtobe

Use the 6 months that you have in this job to pay off debts /build up savings. It may be worth you going to see a career consultant, you will probably have far more transferrable skills than you realise.

millysg1

to me, happiness, friendship and family are so much more important than how much I earn. I could earn more if I moved to a city but I know im so much happier where I am. Keep an eye for jobs closer to home, you don't have to move into the same street as your family. You have 6 months to look for something that's right with your skills and experience. You maybe surprised what you find and im sure you'll find something that will be a decent enough wage to live off and enjoy life. Try and save as much as you can in the meantime for that deposit.

Edit: I just want to add, that picking family and friends and the happiness that comes with that doesn't mean poor money. you can still eanr decent live off money out of cities.

InsideInsurance

To add counter balance, I do wonder if this is a case of rose tinted glasses? Did most of your friends really stay there? They dont have partners and kids of their own yet?

I'm in a different boat as only two people I was in any way close to are still in the area where we grew up, almost everyone else left too including my mother (half my father is buried there, the rest of his ashes went to sea).

When my wife goes back to her home town for a short holiday she has a great time as a fair number of her friends are still there etc and she gets to meet up etc. She did go back for an extended period a couple of years ago to deal with a few issues and help her mum out and found it was a totally different experience. The friends who'd see her regularly when it was an exception for her to be there were then too busy with their husbands or kids to see her and the suggested doing something in a few weeks time and then that was pushed back again etc.

Money isnt everything, and you are younger than us, but in my experience the people and places you grew up with are not the same 10-20 years later when you return and arent as your memories say.

glider3560

Thank you all for the replies. There is a lot for me to think about.

meritaten wrote: »

move a bit further out from your current location and a bit nearer your hometown? it would increase commuting time, but perhaps would get you more affordable housing and less travelling time so you could see your family more often? and you could stay in your current (soulless) job until you found something else?

I have considered this, but sadly any further south and I end up in London, which is even more expensive. I previously worked in London and commuted from outside, which meant I was closer to my family and in a more affordable area.

clayton16749 wrote: »

The people you work with all communicate with each other by email only?! I'd go mad and be climbing walls. There's lots of colleagues to speak with in my job and I couldn't do without the banter in the workplace.

It can be soul destroying some days. We have a weekly team meeting where one person presents something, our boss asks a few pointless questions then we all trot back to our offices. Even on my first day, my team leader warned me that no-one goes to lunch or coffee together. I tried arranging an informal weekly coffee meeting with everyone working on my project but this fell on death ears after a while.

I have to give three months notice in my current job anyway, so I'm on the look-out for anything suitable back down south in the meantime.

Something else that has been bothering me, is that should I have any children in the next few years, then I would like them to know their grandparents. I saw mine every few days as a child and couldn't imagine how different it would be to live three hours away from them.

laidbackgjr

glider3560 wrote: »

Something else that has been bothering me, is that should I have any children in the next few years, then I would like them to know their grandparents. I saw mine every few days as a child and couldn't imagine how different it would be to live three hours away from them.

This is a difficult one to plan around, depends upon your partner and where their parents and the child's other grand parents live? Would you be moving the child further away from his other grand parents?

One thought is that you don't mention any hobbies / life outside of work - perhaps if you put some focus on this part of your life in your local area, then the lack of social engagement at work might be compensated by this?

DaveTheMus

No-one has ever lay on their death bed and said:

'I wish I spent more time at work.'

Work to live...never live to work.

maman

Personally I wouldn't put the brakes on my career just to go back to my hometown. Even if you leave your current job in March, I'd be looking for career progression or at least a sideways move. I'm not in the 'any job' camp.


Also, you've no idea when you'll be in a relationship and have a family. Your future partner might have particular ties or a job he wants to pursue. It's too early to make plans around those sort of 'what ifs'.


I left my home town when I met my DH as it was easier for me to find another job (sideways move at that time but promotion came later). When we go back to my lovely, seaside location I feel nostalgic for a bit but then dismiss it. That's not my world any more.


Ironically, I moved to a more expensive area but we coped as there were now two of us to contribute rather than just me.

Slinky

If property is cheaper in your home town, it doesn't matter that you earn less if you're better off than you were on your higher salary paying high rent. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the north of England who have a much better standard of living than those tied to ridiculous mortgages on small properties in the South.