OPLE (Other People's Life Envy)

j.e.j.

The night shift isn't a good thing to be doing long-term. It's not good for your physical health, nor possibly your mental health.

trailingspouse

There will always be people who appear to have a better life than you. And there will always be people who actually are worse off than you. Always.

What matters more is that you are living the life you want. Even Stobartfest could be fun, with the right person.

What do you want to do at the weekends? Do it. Invite your OH along, but if he doesn't want to, then do it anyway. Really - it's OK out there on your own.

And add my voice to the ones saying 41 isn't old. However, it's old enough for you to start feeling old, if you let yourself. But it's young enough to do something about it. TNTLTP - there's no time like the present.

Buzzybee90

Tropez wrote: »

I think the only thing you can't get on some sort of finance in the world is hookers, but it wouldn't surprise me...

Aye you're right there! When I bought my car the man kept offering me finance, which probably wouldn't have been too bad - I just don't like the idea of being indebted. I'd only go into "debt" for uni fees and a mortgage. Though appreciate not everyone has the choice!

Off to find a hooker that takes a tab account..

Sushiette

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

I love my husband dearly, but he is a nightmare when it comes to doing stuff together. So, I decided to go out and about on my own. I met people and interacted and made friends. Now he has decided to join me, entirely off his own bat, without nagging.

Perhaps this is something you can consider? Get a hobby and get out and about. Go swimming or cycling, go to the cinema and have a meal afterwards. Take a book to the restaurant so you don't feel self conscious.

Also, as you have downtime at work (and access to a computer) have you considered a course? Maybe an OU course, or similar.

This is your life and you only get one stab at it. It is up to you to make the best of it - whether that is on your own or with your partner.

I have before went places on my own, but I prefer someone to be there with me. Last month I went to an art exhibition on my own and it would have been nice to have someone to share my opinions with or to hear their opinions. Instead I was just latching myself on to groups trying to make small talk. Small talk is an ability I seriously lack. I'm more comfortable with someone I know.

However I am going to look into social activities in my area for people my age. Someone else above suggested this as well. I'm not sure cycling is for me, swimming is though and perhaps there is a water polo team or something in my area.

Sushiette

Gigervamp wrote: »

I agree with what the others have said.

Don't stay with your OH if you're not happy, but worried you'll be left on the shelf due to your age. You're not actually very old!
When I met my husband, I was 35, with 3 kids by two fathers. He was 25. But we'll be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in October and have been together for 15 years.

I now have terminal cancer and hoping I'll be lucky enough to have a couple more years.

You don't know what the future holds, so make a decision to live life and get out there and make new friends, spend the weekends doing what YOU want to do.

Only you can change things.

Aw sweetheart bless you. I could never imagine how it feels to be in your position. Just stay strong.

This is one of my favourite quotes from the fault in our stars, if you haven't read it I can understand why, but I would like to share this with you.

There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.

Sushiette

SandC wrote: »

OP at least you recognise that you overthink things. We would all be the same in your work situation.

I too can't say leave your partner or not but hey, if I were so inclined I might see your life and have a bit of the OPLE! I'm 43 and am single and live alone. I've lived alone all my adulthood and relationships have come and gone. I'm far from 'on the shelf' and have a very fulfilled life with interests and friends but I guess it helps that I like my own space.

You seem to be being restricted by thinking you should be arranging to do things with your partner when you should be thinking of what you can do for you! Find an interest, whether that be fitness related or a group activity. Get yourself on a holiday with like minded people - I go on holidays where people are travelling on their own - not all of them are single! They just have different interests and needs to their partners.

You also might think of looking for a new job. A friend of mine was restricted by long shifts and got out of her comfort zone and went to find something new. She's still a carer but working more regular hours and is much happier as a result. You may like the work you have now but you certainly don't seem to like the environment, specifically working hours. Just have a look and see what else is available out there.

Good luck!

Many of times I have thought about leaving this job for a job where I would have more of a social life, then there is the positives of this job. I hate to say this but the money is a key factor. I'm on £5.00 an hour more than I would be if I worked the day shifts. I also love the staff here and the residents, in the past I have worked in some truly horrible places where the standard of care is not up to scratch compared to here.

Sushiette

It was nice reading the responses on here. To be honest I was slightly apprehensive to read this thinking people would see me as some type of desperate housewife cougar letching on a younger man. Most people hit the nail on the head with me over thinking. I also have plenty of good ideas and I'm going to try make a change to my lifestyle. If my partner does not want to join me, which he wont, then I will consider ending it. Even if that does mean collecting dust on the shelf. Life is too short and by doing nothing I am wasting the time I have left. As someone here said...

YOLO

x

Person_one

Sushiette wrote: »

Many of times I have thought about leaving this job for a job where I would have more of a social life, then there is the positives of this job. I hate to say this but the money is a key factor. I'm on £5.00 an hour more than I would be if I worked the day shifts. I also love the staff here and the residents, in the past I have worked in some truly horrible places where the standard of care is not up to scratch compared to here.

Ok, sorry, I've tried not to respond because I know this isn't what you intended the thread to be about but I can't keep it in!

Do you really think its appropriate that you are in sole charge of that nursing home and all those vulnerable people but are spending several hours every shift just sitting around browsing the internet and daydreaming about the colleague you've got a crush on? Don't you feel massively guilty?

I find it incredibly hard to believe that there's nothing at all productive you can do. Audit the documentation, rotate the stock, do an online CPD course, read the elderly care journals to keep up to date with best practices, do an hourly safety round, clean or tidy something, ask the day staff what you could do overnight that would help them during the day.

Maybe you need a new career rather than a new job if your hearts not in it anymore.

jetplane

I'm in my 50's and would have wasted at least a decade of my life if I had been unhappy at 41 and not changed anything :eek:

You are still young and probably bored. When I worked nights we called those the dead hours and they were the worst, you need to fill them with something else. They are not the best time to be examining your life, they're not called the witching hours for nothing what do the rest of he shift do?

The only other advice I would offer is never wish for any one else's life because in truth they will have their own problems and heartache and what works for them may not work for you.

themull1

I met my third husband when i was 43, if you're not happy in your relationship do something about it, get rid of him, go out, have that excitement!! Good luck !!