OPLE (Other People's Life Envy)

Sushiette

Hi everyone,

I have long read this forum during the quiet times at work. I'm a RGN in a private residential home and from around 3am - 6am most nights I just browse the web in the office until I'm needed. In the past I have pottered around the home cleaning or just looking for anything that needs to be done, however I was advised not to do this in the case of me disturbing a resident whilst they sleep, so I pretty much have nothing to do. Being alone in silence gives me time to think. Think a little too much most times if you know how that feels! My shift is 10pm - 8am every Monday to Friday and I'm on my own from 2am when two of the care workers finish their shift.

This brings me on to OPLE, an acronym I think I've created or if it already exists then the creator has the same type of life as me. I'm 41, not married but I have a partner of 9 years. He's not exactly what I consider ideal for me. We get on but it's never been great. The cat shows me more attention than he does for christ sake. Anyway back to OPLE. The two care workers who leave at 2am equate to the most social interaction I see all day. I do enjoy the fequent natters with them. They are boyfriend and girlfriend, he is 29 she is 25 they met here at the home. I've known them both for about 4 years now. He's a very handsome charasmatic lad, and she is a proper sweetheart. Going back a couple of years, after our weekend off he would always ask how my weekend was, which really is just staying at home or going shopping. My responses got so repetitive, he has started referring to my weekends as "another egg salad weekend". I do find it funny, but when I hear about his or her weekend it is always fun, they do nice things together etc.

I've tried encouraging my partner to do new things together and he grunts saying it is a bit juvenile. I disagree, it's only when he wants to do things we go together. Have you been to Stobartfest? I have no interest in bloody Eddie Stobart, but I go to satisfy him. Sometimes I have thought about leaving him, but I'm 41 and would stay shelved for a long time I think. Part of me wishes I was in my 20's again, I certainly know who I would be chasing if I was. I'm going to admit it... I think I have an inappropriate crush on the lad I work with. He has the qualities I desire and I'm really envious of him and his girlfriend. I would like to have a bit of excitement in my life for once. Nothing would ever happen between us but when I'm alone at night with only my thoughts, I do wonder what if? And that excites me.

Reading this back, I certainly have rambled! If you do get to the end of my drivel, please give me a slap to snap me out of this feeling of life envy.

Sushiette

I was hoping someone would be here to chat with. I'll pop back later on when people are awake. Off to my next port of call for time killing, The Daily Mail comments section. :doh:

sazaccount

My ipad is my best friend on a night like tonight, I have netflix going

Dozey_crow

Having to much time on your hands to think is horrid. I ended up being very depressed in similar circumstances and am still haunted by it. My tips are to keep yourself distracted. Low music helps (maybe having one earphone in beating in mind your job) reading a book, making something (maybe put a small crocher book, will and kit in your handbag), keeping brain and hands busy helps loads.

As for the rest.. well things may not be as rosy as you think between these co workers. I know several seemingly perfect couples who have eventually split up because the relationship was actually awful.

You need to work on your own relationship if you can be bothered (as in of you think it is worth it) if not then use the time to plan your escape.

FBaby

You have two choices, and four possible consequences:
You stay with your partner and somehow make it work and you find that even if he not perfect that you can be happy with him
You stay with him and live on regrets and become resentful
You leave him, never really find anyone else to make you happy, but you are free and can enjoy your life as you wish
You leave him, find your perfect partner, and Thanks your lucky stars every day that you went ahead and made the move.

In the end, you can't make things happen, but you can certainly make decisions that will make you closer to get there. There are many people who fall under each of these consequences, mainly depending on them and the choice they make. Only you can decide what is best for you.

Gra76

I think most people have OPLE (as you put it) to a greater or lesser extent.

You see your life as 'boring' and you want to do more, and who doesn't look at a person a few years younger that they find attractive and wonder 'what if' every once in a blue moon. Most of us can put those thoughts out of our heads as foolish desires and that's what you should do as well.

I spend half my life wishing I was younger and going out every weekend partying again, but the reality of it is that I have a missus and 3 kids and that comes with certain responsibilities.

It sounds to me like you need to consider your own happiness a little more because you certainly don't sound like you're enjoying it much right now with your current partner. Stobartfest sounds like a blast... :D

kitty_kins

If you are not happy, you should definitely do something about it! Perhaps try taking a class with likeminded people so that you get a chance to meet new friends I started an exercise class called BMF this year and made a load of lovely new friends (many your sort of age). This made my boyfriend strop a bit, but it made him take up rugby again so it was win win. We've also started running together, which is a new activity for both of us

If your partner is still being a miserable git, tell him to either take more interest in you or you'll find someone who will. If he says anything along the lines of "nobody would want you now" then get out as soon as possible, because he is toxic to you. Everyone deserves to be worshipped, at least a little bit, so do what makes you truly happy and remember that sometimes it is ok to be alone

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble, I'm trying not to get caught typing at work

PenguinOfDeath

People envy is useless (easier said than done I realise...) as people only let you know what they want you to know and hide all sorts of problems and struggles.

The pretty girl with the perfect figure? Suffering from anorexia

The couple showing off their exotic holiday snaps? Actually hate each other and argued the whole time

The bloke at work with the flash new car? Is in mountains of debt just to make himself look good

The rest? Only you can change your situation, does your OH have any good points or are you focussing on the bad?

fairy_lights

As well as OPLE, I think you're also suffering from a touch of GIG syndrome (grass is greener!).
I know I'm massively guilty of this...looking at other people's lives and thinking that what they have is better, more fun, that you'd be happier if you were more like them.
You might wish you were back in your 20's but I'm in my 20's and it's horrible! No career certainty, lots of big life decisions that need making, not sure who I am or what I want etc. The young couple you work with have by the sounds of it both been working at the same place for quite a few years. I bet they find it boring sometimes, and I bet you've had experiences and done things in life that they envy. Maybe he flirts with other women and she gets horribly jealous? Maybe she is desperate to get married but he doesn't want to? You can bet things aren't as rosy as they appear.
Sounds like you've just got in to a bit of a rut in your own life and to be honest I think you just need to be a bit braver and force yourself to make changes.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

I love my husband dearly, but he is a nightmare when it comes to doing stuff together. So, I decided to go out and about on my own. I met people and interacted and made friends. Now he has decided to join me, entirely off his own bat, without nagging.

Perhaps this is something you can consider? Get a hobby and get out and about. Go swimming or cycling, go to the cinema and have a meal afterwards. Take a book to the restaurant so you don't feel self conscious.

Also, as you have downtime at work (and access to a computer) have you considered a course? Maybe an OU course, or similar.

This is your life and you only get one stab at it. It is up to you to make the best of it - whether that is on your own or with your partner.

minimacka

I have another acronym for you YOLO = you only live once, you say you wish you were in your 20's again, well think about when your in your 60's and wish you were back to your 40's again. you only live once Sushiette and only you can change your life, you can try to change your partner as others have said and if that works then lovely but if you have tried and failed then why not change your life. Don't get to 60 and wish you had changed your life when you were in your 40's. Get out there, join clubs do something that you have always wanted to do, do something you have never wanted to do, you never know you might like it. There was a lovey thread on here before last Christmas about a lady who was a bit lonely and wasn't looking forward to the festive period but lots of people on here gave her suggestions and I think she filled up most of her time off during that period.


YOLO


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