Advice urgently needed-crisis in my life!

rosysparkle

Hi Loulou, I had a similar situation six years ago when my ex walked out. I could afford the repayments (just) so we left my ex's name on the mortgage, I continued to pay the payments and we sorted out the equity two years ago when I sold the place and moved.

In your case the repayments are going to be a real struggle even with a lodger, and (forgive me if this too personal) you may find that a fresh start in a new place would be beneficial to you in coming to terms with the end of this relationship. IF your ex does 'find himself' later and decide he wants to be with you, you still have the choice of letting him back into your life or not.

If you sold up and divided the equity you'd have perhaps £30k after the costs of the sale etc to give you a fresh start in rented accomodation, and once you've qualified and are earning a reasonable sum, you could decide whether to buy again.

Debt_Free_Chick

louloubelle79 wrote: »

I He says he needs time to think if he wants me or not!!!Im just so angry as he says he loves me but dont know if he wants to be with me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Louloubelle79 - I sympathise. I think I am in a similar place to your partner. I can only the offer the following advice.

Give him some space and time
Don't do anything about the house/mortgage
Get counselling - him on his own, initially but possibly the two of you together. Very, very good counsellors can be had without a referral from your GP for between £30-£50 a session depending on where you are. Counsellors just help you to open up and explore what it is that's bugging you. They don't fix problems ... but they do help you fix your own problems. I can honestly say that I've not cried for years .... until the last 3 weeks when I've cried all day, every day. The hardest step is to accept that you (he) need(s) help - it's then easy to phone someone to get that help.

Find a counsellor here

He has "issues" and he's simply running away from them, rather than dealing with them (boy, do I understand that one!!!).

Give him some space, help him to get help.

louloubelle79

Hello
Thanks for that message, i am a saddo at the moment, sitting here in my (? soon to be sold house) drunk and feeling sorry for myself. I saw him today to tell him about the house valuation and he spoke to me like i was a complete stranger!
I know he loves me but i think he now he has dont too many things to me to allow him back into my life.

Melissa177

That is not the behaviour of a man who loves you.

This is a very difficult time - I think Rosysparkle's advice above is very good though.

I promise you, things will get better - they always do.

jobbingmusician

1. Find out about a buy to let mortgage, and whether this is relevant to your situation (single low income, with potential for a lodger).

If you DID get a lodger, you would be able to afford the current mortgage payments easily! It might work out cheaper than renting, and you would still have the house......

2. My comment about your OH being 'kind' (ok, maybe not the right word) was related to him offering to walk away from the house without equity, not to anything else.

3. Relationship counselling does sound like a good idea if you feel there is any chance of salvaging something.

Good luck and best wishes - JM

cats!

Use this time to figure out wht YOU want out of life! Go for counselling if that's what you both want, but be careful, what's to stop him doing this again later on down the line??

Do what's best for you!

louloubelle79

Thanks for all your advice, its great!
Well OH still saying dont know if he has made the right decision leaving me, but dont think i can be happy with him as he shouldnt have to THINK about it he wants me or not if he loves me.

I have sent a letter to my mortgage lender explaining situation, and waiting to hear from them now.

Thinking that it may be better if i rented the whole house out for say a year and stay at my parents, until i qualify and get back on my feet again. Mortgage is £600 a month and i think i could get £700 a month rent.

Do you think mortgage company would allow me to do this, not sure how it all works really.

HELP

[Deleted User]

Sounds like a good plan. I am sorry it had to end this way.
You'll probably need to re-mortgage if you want to rent it out and the interest rate will be higher. You might also have to pay early redemption charges on your old mortgage. Your lender will explain this to you, but you don't have to stay with them, speak to a whole market broker to get the best deal.
I'd also have a chat with a local estate agent to see how much you can get from renting it and start advertising it asap. Good luck!

Gorgeous_George

My advice is sell up, bank the cash and complete your training. Find a nice doctor type boyfriend and get married. Smile every time you see your ex while curling your little finger in his direction.



GG

cats!

As long as you are upfront with the mortgage lender they should agree to your plan.

I hope you get good news!