Am I being unreasonable?

Pollycat

joyofjoys wrote: »

I am going to have to have this conversation with his mom. I just can't get any sense out of my ex, I just feel like he is trying to say that I can't tell him when he has to go on holiday. I just don't want the kids to not be with one of us.

Make sure your ex-MIL is clear about your reasons for saying 'no'.

I assume that you'd be OK (but obviously not happy) if your ex was with the kids for the whole of the holiday?

Then, hopefully, your ex-MIL could talk to her son about changing his dates (but you'd need to be convinced that he wasn't pulling a fast one).

BTW, how old are the kids and do you think they'd like to be away from you and family at Christmas (if they are old enough to decide)?

Mojisola

joyofjoys wrote: »

Basically, my ex's mom asked if she could take the kids on holiday over Christmas.

If they were going at any other time eg 6 weeks holiday I would have less of a problem with this.

The kids are so used to and love spending Christmas with over 30 family members to then spend it with only 4 people and non being a parent is making me feel uneasy.

I think it's simple - the children have Christmas with you and the extended family.

If their Gran would like to take them away on holiday at another time of year, you'd be willing to fit in with her plans.

mgdavid

Pollycat wrote: »

........BTW, how old are the kids and do you think they'd like to be away from you and family at Christmas (if they are old enough to decide)?

exactly my Q too; how old are these children, what do they want to do?

joyofjoys

DS1 is 13 and DS2 is 9. It is difficult to ask them because of the situation with their dad, he gets upset easily and they don't want to upset him.
I have already made the mistake of always trying to please him and I don't want them to feel they have to do that too. I am always trying to encourage them to do what they want to do.

Now my ex has just turned up in his lunch break and so the story now changes.
He is really upset with me and just said forget it I'll sort it I'm not going now. I have tried to ask him what he means and now he is saying that he was going to go first and his holiday will overlap with theirs and he would be with them for their holiday. This is not what he said this morning.
I have told him I have no problem with him going first and spending Christmas day with them and returning before they do, but he must be there for Christmas.
Something is not right and I am more confused about it than ever. Nothing he says makes sense. I have told him that I would never just say they are going on holiday and not inform him of what was happening or why.
I have no idea if he is going or not now. He tried to make me feel bad as though I am ruining it for his dad and aunt but I can't see why my request would affect them. I really don't care when they go.

I will just have to speak to his mom because he is just being an idiot with no communication skills. :mad:

joyofjoys

I am in total shock that he came out of work and had his work colleague sat in his car whilst he had a go at me and tell me how much I have ruined everything. He could have waited until he finished work at least.

I can't pick myself up off the floor. When he does things like this it makes me feel so good that he is my EX

Pollycat

joyofjoys wrote: »

I will just have to speak to his mom because he is just being an idiot with no communication skills. :mad:

I think this is your best bet.

Unless you misunderstood what he said this morning (and I have absolutely no reason to think that you did ), it all sounds a bit fishy as far as his arrangements go.

Hope you have better luck with your ex-MIL - but personally I'd want proof of length of stay before letting the kids go.

Do you have any idea what they might say if they knew they were being offered a holiday at Xmas - but without you?

pinkshoes

Could you go with them, or would that be a bit wierd?

shegirl

joyofjoys wrote: »

Thanks quidsy.
I am going to have to have this conversation with his mom. I just can't get any sense out of my ex, I just feel like he is trying to say that I can't tell him when he has to go on holiday. I just don't want the kids to not be with one of us.

I will also call his nan abroad and explain that I am not happy with this. I may get a different story from her as he sometimes makes this up which is why I often get confused after having a conversation with him. He keeps telling me there is something he needs to sort out over there for her. I really don't believe it at all, he has never visited that country and she would ask his mom to deal with it anyway when she takes my kids

Honestly, I wouldn't bother with any hassle and I'm not even sure why you are considering it tbh. Kids should be with their parents at Christmas.


Why are you considering it? I wouldn't

FBaby

Sorry OP I don't think you said how old your kids are? What would they want to do? I so wish I could go away for Christmas, but I know my kids want to spend time with their dad and his family (or more like his partner's family), as well as with me, so until they are old enough that they don't care any longer, we have to stay put on both sides!

I agree with you, unless the kids say that they don't mind either of you will be there and are looking forward to being there for Christmas, I wouldn't agree to it.

Errata

Christmas in a strange foreign country, stuck with only grandparents and great grandparents is no treat for children.
Keep them at home.