OH and his "do it tomorrow" attitude

FBaby

Maybe it's a man thing.

I suspect it is more a 'working full-time' thing. I have done both (working three days a week during the summer holidays) looking after two children under the age of 10 (and some days 4 as I helped other mums as they helped me on the days I work) and although the time I worked part-time were tiring too, I did find it easier than working full-time, just because even if you have equal responsibilities, you have much more flexibility and control when you are at home. You can indeed organise your time to suit you and have more mental time to do so.

You don't have this working full-time and for many workers, their job doesn't allow them to think about anything then work when they are there living you mentally exhausted and needing a break from thinking once you get home.

TheEffect

I thought I'd post this, as it seems relevant in the grand scheme of things regarding this thread.

Me and the girlfriend are going away for the weekend tomorrow. This morning, she asked me sort out, wash and dry the clothes that we are taking. As I was heading out to work, I thought I'd just do it later this evening, no problems.

It's 8pm, and I've just put the wash on, which will take an hour, then a little longer in the dryer, then I'll iron in the morning, and it's all ready - simple!

NO!!!!! - "Why have you got to do things at the last minute" "It's too late to be doing washing" "you should have done it this morning" etc.

As a male - I cannot see the problem! The clothes will get washed, dried and ironed, so what's the problem?

If it were up to me, I'd skip the ironing process altogether... :rotfl:

gettingtheresometime

I'm all for the actions have consequences method of teaching.

If your OH doesn't do something don't nag him but more importantly don't do it for him.

Let it all go pear shaped and then perhaps he'll soon learn that when you ask him to do it there's a reason for it

DKLS

The last time we moved I didn't fancy the whole pack up 2 weeks before we leave malarkey sorting out piles of junk for the tip, charity shop and car boots we will never do so when I booked the removal men, I paid an extra £300 for pack and unpack service and £100 for a cleaner.

My mrs was getting increasingly narked about my lack of action until the week before we moved and I said pack a carry on case we are off to Barcelona for the weekend and she went mad until I explained and on our return we drove to new house to find our contents unpacked.

After years of hiring vans and humping boxes for days this is the way to do it and worth every single penny. Zero stress :beer:

atolaas

DKLS I hope your Mrs appreciated your efforts

Poppops

When I got married my mum gave me some advice.

She said that I should be careful not to 'nag' my husband to do jobs around the house as nagging makes men resentful. She said the best way to handle it is to start doing the jobs I want done only when he is in the house. When he sees me doing them, after working all day myself, he will get up off the sofa and help me.

I've employed these same tactics for 14 years now and for all of those 14 years he has really enjoyed sitting back and watching me work :rotfl:

Solsol

Just wanted to touch on a few points - firstly I deliberately avoided the word 'change' as I've never tried to change OH - in fact if anything he has changed himself he was always up for doing stuff and helping when we first moved in together and nowadays he seems to just have become lazy! I suspect that he was always lazy and was just trying to cover it up to impress me - unfair!!

Also, I understand that some people like to leave things till the last minute but my issue with my OH is that he then doesn't actually do them and I end up doing it myself. Same with leaving things to see if he'll use his initiative and do them - nope doesn't work on my OH I'm afraid. I recently went to butlins for 3 days with my sister and our LOs - I came home to find the washing up still on the side complete with mouldy bottles of milk.

OH gets home from work at 3pm every day and some weeks I actually work more hours than him because of the way my shift pattern works but I still end up doing everything in the house.

I don't wan't my health to suffer and it's causing me stress now too. What gets me is that he does f**k all to help and then moans when he gets in because it's a mess. I don't deserve that when I've done as much as I can whilst trying to look after our LO at the same time. I have to remind him that I did actually almost die when I was ill before and he's driving me to it again!!

sinizterguy

My tolerance of things to do piling up far exceeds my wife's. So even though she thinks she has waited long enough for me to get round to doing them, she hasn't. If she waited a little longer I would do them. Everything except laundry. That's the only job in the house that's exclusively hers.

Solsol

I've decided to write a list of all the jobs that need doing and stick it to the fridge - I could start offering 'favours' in return I'm sure that would spring him into action!

lilmissreading

FBaby wrote: »

I suspect it is more a 'working full-time' thing. You don't have this working full-time and for many workers, their job doesn't allow them to think about anything then work when they are there living you mentally exhausted and needing a break from thinking once you get home.

Nope, not in our house. DH has started working full time 8.30-5.15pm with a 20 minute commute each way by bike this week. For the past 3 years he has been doing a full time undergraduate English degree also a 20 minute bike ride away. He had occasional temporary, part time jobs. For 2 years of this I worked in London with an at least 90 minute commute.

I still managed to cook dinner every night, make our packed lunches and help out at weekends. DH did food shopping, chores in town (paying in cheques etc), laundry and washing up, plus waiting in for any deliveries if he could. It took a bit of time for these things to become second nature.

I have always been surprised by how long it takes to pack but also unpack. One of the reasons for packing in advance is so I have time to label boxes to make it easier at the other end.

DKLS - great idea.

I have to say OP he certainly shouldn't be moaning about mess, not if he is going to leave mouldy washing up. What a cheek. I would just say, 'if you have time to do it, please do. I don't and I don't feel well.' You may have to adopt the broken record approach until it gets through. Or 'why don't you look after LO so I have some time to do it?' or 'I'll keep an eye on LO and we'll get out of your way while you get on with it' (my preference) and then head somewhere for a walk.

If you get back and it's not done, ask him when and who he thinks is going to do it. Maybe he's got used to seeing you as uber-capable?