OH and his "do it tomorrow" attitude

Solsol

We're in the middle of moving house, he works full time and I work part time - I also do all the washing, cooking, cleaning etc and look after our two year old DS most of the time apart from one day a week when he goes to nursery. My OH or MIL has DS on the other day I'm at work depending on which day it is.

I do a lot to keep the house clean and tidy etc. and even make OH's packed lunch every evening. I have no gripes with doing the majority to keep the house running as I work half the amount of hours as OH and so far it seems to have worked ok.

The problem I have at the moment is that we are moving house and OH is just so laid back about everything it drives me up the wall. So far I've done EVERY single thing to do with the move - all the paperwork, arranging mortgage meetings and surveys etc as well as all the packing and tidying for photos and viewings. The only things I've asked him to do is cut the grass and help me get into the loft and he'll always put these things off until the last minute and then it's a race against time to get things done before a viewing or something.

I can't do these things on my own as I still suffer from some health issues that first showed up at the end of my pregnancy.

I suppose we have quite different attitudes towards things - I like to get things done ASAP so we can then sit back and relax once it's done whearas OH will put it off until the very last minute and relax up until he can drag himself off the sofa to do it!

I hate to nag him but sometimes I end up doing it because it's the only way to get him to help me! I get worried that by overdoing it I'm going to end up ill and in hospital again but can't seem to get through to OH - any advice please?!!

SavingPennies_2

If someone has a simple answer to this problem they'd write a book about it and be a millionaire. Sorry that's not very helpful, but I do feel for you!

How about draw up a list of everything that needs doing and stick it up on the fridge. Include all the jobs that you will do so he can see how much you really do, and how big a job it really is. Both of you tick things off as they get done. This may work if he's just a bit disorganised/blase as opposed to lazy.

Solsol

Thanks for that I think he's a bit of both!
I will definitely try that I always have a to do list on the go but usually keep it in my notebook so maybe if it's on show he will at least then see how much I do - he doesn't really realise how much I actually do!

PenguinOfDeath

A quote going round FB at the moment (and practically every year)

Women: If a man says he's going to do something, he will do it. You don't need to keep asking every six months.

I've had to 'have a go' at my OH for not pulling his weight around the house. His reasoning is that I did things before he got a chance to, this is even when I purposely left chores to see if he would notice and do them.

Like you, I have sorted everything house buying and bills wise, which I don't mind doing as it suits me more to do it, I would like a bit of recognition and him to do things to balance them out!

Gra76

This sounds so much like myself and my other half I wondered if it was her writing it till you mentioned about the moving house part! She does all the things you do as I work a 50hr week and she does about half that so she does the majority of the housework and sorts the kids out.

I often need inspiration to do DIY or cut the grass/wash the cars. My outlook on things is usually that if it can wait till tomorrow then it'll get done tomorrow. My life is quite packed though....not sure about your other half and what he has to do.

My week looks like this:
Sunday - nothing - this is DIY day and only this day. If there's only one small job to do I'll leave it till there's more jobs to do so that when I start I'm not dragging my tools out just for one small job. I like to have a few things to tackle to make it worth my while

Monday - Work 10hrs

Tuesday - Work 10hrs followed by 2hrs of rugby training

Weds - Work 10hrs followed by picking the kids up from MIL and getting them ready for bed and cooking tea for when OH arrives home from a 12hr shift

Thurs - Work 10hrs followed by 2hrs of rugby training

Fri - Work 10hrs followed by 1hr 30m of football training coaching U10's.

Sat - Morning I take the U10's team to their football match or I referee the game if it's a home match. Afternoon I play rugby. Evening I'm too tired to do much else other than have a few beers to relax with.

So for me it's Sunday or not at all. If there's only 1 or 2 small jobs to do I usually leave them till there's enough to keep me going for an hour or two at least.

pmlindyloo

I think you may have fallen into the trap of doing it yourself because you (like me!) want things done in a certain time and like to be thoroughly organised.

The problem is that, because of this, your OH will (secretly or not) know that if he doesn't do them then you will!

As a similar type of person myself I have decided it is just not worth the hassle/the arguments of trying to get things done when I want them done. They get done eventually (I have to force myself NOT to do them which takes some effort!)

Have also done the list thing although I must admit I don't divide the work up. If the list is long enough (which it will be if you're moving) then it will start a conversation about who does what. (hopefully)

If your OH is totally useless and ignores it all then I would arrange a cleaner/gardener/handyman (or at least say you are going to) and just concentrate on the 'have to be done' things.

A few times of his shirts not being ironed or luncn box not being ready because....... might also give him a kick up the ****.

lilmissreading

I will be watching this with interest to see if anyone comes up wiht good ideas as this also fits my situation!

DH had some weeks of unemployment this year. We used to sit in bed before sleeping and draw him up a to-do-list. For my DH we had to be careful not to put EVERYTHING on as it would overwhelm him and he wouldn't know where to start. Around the time this was happening someone posted on here about how odd that a OH left a to-do-list for their OH. Half thought it was infantalising, the other half chuckled in recognition.

The reason we did our list is that we had a conversation about the things that needed doing, why they were important and how stressful it was trying to get them done solo. Fortunately he's a reasonable chap and it was his suggestion to use a list and have me help him make it.

It worked well for us. We did have a period where things didn't get done but that was the learning curve and I had to stop myself from compensating or rescuing as otherwise there was no incentive to learn from it e.g. he was bewildered one night to ask me what's for dinner and me reply 'no idea - I was going to do X but i don't think you had time to get it out of the freezer so not sure what to do instead. Any ideas?' It was like a revelation to him bless his cotton socks.

We don't do that anymore as I am winding down before going on mat leave so we are turning that round and I ask him when I have a day off what I can do while there is no bub here yet. Its funny he now needs prompting not to do everything but his prioritising still sucks in my opinion! However I am happy that it is my opinion and far more relaxed about it as we do feel that we are sharing duties equally.

Solsol

I tried not making his lunch for a few days and instead he'll buy food at work spending £5+ a day. I'd rather just make the lunch and save us some money so that's fine!

The division of housework I am fine with - yes I do about 95% of it but at least it gets done!

What's stressing me out at the moment is just the leaving everything until the last minute. He can't understand why I've started packing things already - we're very close to exchanging contracts so I've been packing up the spare room stuff, DVDs, CDs, loft etc just things we don't use often as I know that otherwise I'll end up having to pack the entire house in two weeks as well as look after LO and do 2-3 ten hour shifts at work. It exhausts me just thinking about it which is why I've got cracking now.

In his own words, we should just leave the packing until the last minute - I think that would be a nightmare!!

Takeaway_Addict

Solsol wrote: »

I tried not making his lunch for a few days and instead he'll buy food at work spending £5+ a day. I'd rather just make the lunch and save us some money so that's fine!

The division of housework I am fine with - yes I do about 95% of it but at least it gets done!

What's stressing me out at the moment is just the leaving everything until the last minute. He can't understand why I've started packing things already - we're very close to exchanging contracts so I've been packing up the spare room stuff, DVDs, CDs, loft etc just things we don't use often as I know that otherwise I'll end up having to pack the entire house in two weeks as well as look after LO and do 2-3 ten hour shifts at work. It exhausts me just thinking about it which is why I've got cracking now.

In his own words, we should just leave the packing until the last minute - I think that would be a nightmare!!

Don't you think you're going OTT, 2 weeks is ample time to pack a house.

Sorry but I'm with your OH on this one, until you have the date of moving there is no point in overthinking the packing.

SavingPennies_2

I don't think 2 weeks is OTT to get organised. I've moved a lot of times and in my experience, you've always got more stuff than you think, and it always takes longer than you think. Plus I'd always clean the house afterwards (if your renting you will probably be contracted to, and if your selling it's only good manners) and this bit takes ages too.

TBH I used to be rather on the last minute myself, and it always resulted in rushing about and getting stressed out. I now realise that it is not necessary to put yourself through that.

MrsC....tobe

I'm 35 weeks pregnant. I asked DH to Hoover the stairs for me a coule of weeks ago as I'm not wrestling with the Hoover on there unless I really really have to. It's still waiting to be done. I'm also not getting on my hands and knees to scrub the bath/shower cubicle either and since I can't bend properly to do it they'll wait on him. He'll find the stuff tripping him up and have to move it out the bath before he can get in before I'm going to backtrack and do it for him!