Baby shower?

emylou

Hi, not sure if this is in the correct forum?
Basically, after trying for a baby for 3 years and having 3 miscarriages I am now 24 weeks pregnant :j obviously I am over the moon although won't be reassured until the baby is here in my arms. I was just wondering what people think about baby showers? I have attended 3, the most recent of which I actually organised. My sister in law had a miscarriage before mine and then went onto get pregnant again 4 months later, I was told by my brother that in no circumstances, surprise or otherwise, did she want a baby shower. I now don't know whether I should have one or if I should just wait and see if anyone plans one for me??

DomRavioli

It is personal to you; nobody but you can answer that. IF you want one, tell your family. If you don't want one, then tell them you don't want one. Most people have some kind of get together, either rbefore or after the birth, to celebrate.

Person_one

Personally I don't like them. I think it's really tasteless to invite people to a party where the whole point is that they give you presents.

They're an American thing, and the tradition here is that we wait till the little one has safely arrived and celebrate the birth then, it's much better. Your friends and family will probably love getting you and the baby gifts when he/she is here.

Congratulations, and sorry for your losses. X

BritAbroad

I think they're really tacky. I have attended one and vowed never to go to another. I've been invited to several since but have always declined. They create an obligation on people to give multiple presents - one at the shower, one after the birth, and another at the baptism (if applicable).

Incidentally, it's my understanding that a baby shower is not organised by the mother-to-be. That seems right, given the main objective is to give gifts. Any friend who arranged their own baby shower would appear to be greedy to me, and I'd be distancing myself from them.

lilmissreading

Hello

I am having a sort of baby shower. I am organising it myself with the help of a friend, I have said no presents please and am saying it's more of a 'going into the baby cave and might not be out until Christmas, goodbye see you on the other side' shower. We are doing a bring a dish event at my house.

It's a small group of my old school friends, all of us normally meet regularly but I am assuming as the bub is due in October that I will be head down and missing out until Christmas when he is 8-10 weeks old as they all live at least an hour away and no one else will be on mat leave or works part time.

I asked my friends how they would feel about it and they offered to help. So they have helped co-ordinate the date when everyone is free, we'll be co-ordinating dishes brought nearer the time and I'll be doing drinks. I think if you want one (like I did) it makes sense to talk to those you know you want there and let them know what you want.

sulphate

Person_one wrote: »

Personally I don't like them. I think it's really tasteless to invite people to a party where the whole point is that they give you presents.

They're an American thing, and the tradition here is that we wait till the little one has safely arrived and celebrate the birth then, it's much better. Your friends and family will probably love getting you and the baby gifts when he/she is here.

Congratulations, and sorry for your losses. X

I agree.

I'm also pregnant and don't plan on having a shower.

Person_one

lilmissreading wrote: »

Hello

I am having a sort of baby shower. I am organising it myself with the help of a friend, I have said no presents please and am saying it's more of a 'going into the baby cave and might not be out until Christmas, goodbye see you on the other side' shower. We are doing a bring a dish event at my house.

It's a small group of my old school friends, all of us normally meet regularly but I am assuming as the bub is due in October that I will be head down and missing out until Christmas when he is 8-10 weeks old as they all live at least an hour away and no one else will be on mat leave or works part time.

I asked my friends how they would feel about it and they offered to help. So they have helped co-ordinate the date when everyone is free, we'll be co-ordinating dishes brought nearer the time and I'll be doing drinks. I think if you want one (like I did) it makes sense to talk to those you know you want there and let them know what you want.

That's not a baby shower though! A friend of mine is due to have her first in November and we're doing something similar, just having a last 'pre-baby' night together where she can relax and we'll feed her before everything changes for her and all the stress and the sleepless nights start.

A baby shower is a very specific thing, the name comes from the expression 'to shower with gifts'. If there are no presents, just friends getting together, its not one so you're ok.

Always_Alone

Congratulations on baby!

IMO, I'm not keen on baby showers. I've been to 2, the first I was sent a gift list like you get at a wedding with things the mother and father to be would like which I found a) expensive, pretty much the baby section of John Lewis :eek: and b) rude! I'm not keen on the games etc either which we felt we were felt forced to take part in.

The second was a very low key surprise one for a friend who had suffered multiple losses and a very difficult IVF journey. This one was lovely as there was no expectation of a gift and it was very relaxed, just celebrating a friends happy news.

I specifically said I didn't want one with ds as I also think they're just a way of getting people to buy you gifts! Am currently 12 weeks with no 2 and won't be having one this time

gayleygoo

They seem popular in my circle of friends, although we don't do expensive gifts. Usually I have sewn or knitted something, or we provide practical gifts like nappies, bibs etc. It's basically a girly afternoon with cake and nibbles and lots of baby talk! It's also an opportunity for mums to pass on clothes and other things their LO's have grown out of.

I wouldn't organise one for myself, I think it's something that is usually done by friends or family. If you want to organise a get-together for yourself and don't want presents, then avoid calling it a "shower" - maybe a "Babymoon Gathering" or something, and have an activity that people can join in with rather than provide presents. Maybe they can bring a small object, natural if possible, to hang on a baby mobile (from a pinecone to sheep's wool to a glitter covered-twig!). Could they all bring a single bead to string onto a bracelet or necklace for you to wear during labour? Maybe they could paint your belly with facepaint for lovely keepsake photos!

BAGGY

I think they are tacky.
It's almost like having two bites of the cherry - a baby shower gift and a gift when the baby arrives.
why dont you hold a coffee morning/ brunch instead where you and the girlies can have a natter and plan a date for after the birth when you can organise a night out?

lilmissreading

Person_one wrote: »

That's not a baby shower though! A friend of mine is due to have her first in November and we're doing something similar, just having a last 'pre-baby' night together where she can relax and we'll feed her before everything changes for her and all the stress and the sleepless nights start.

A baby shower is a very specific thing, the name comes from the expression 'to shower with gifts'. If there are no presents, just friends getting together, its not one so you're ok.

Phew! I just wanted to mark the occasion but would be horrified if it turned into an expensive hoopla. It's about the time with friends. Need a name for it to differentiate from baby shower...