A fresh start & learning to be thrifty

RedCola

So many lovely messages, thank you x
I have made myself go out every morning with my daughter in the pram, & you are all right.. even though I didn't feel like it, I always am much more refreshed when I come back in.
My kitchen sides are now decluttered & I felt spurred on by everyone here. Tonight was a good night, I have changed the routine slightly and snacks were made for after school, homework all completed, children bathed, had a lovely family dinner (minus husband as hes working) washing up done, hoovered floor, stories read & the younger 2 in bed by 8oclock. I had a shower and was in my pjs by 9pm and wasnt stressed at all. Me & the kids had a great evening7ng and I feel relaxed.
Im on top of my budget through YNAB, and even though we have no money still,I know where Im aiming for.
Am going to post my meal plan over on the food thread.
Am probably going to make an appointment to see the doctor for next week, just to keep on top of how Im feeling in general too.

sillyvixen

FairyPrincessk wrote: »

RedCola--you might check this link to see if there are any free events near you that the kids might enjoy this weekend. Some of it might be a bit boring for them, but worth a try if you want an outing:

http://www.heritageopendays.org.uk/

i was going to suggest heritage open day, OH and myself have done things over the last 4 years we would not normally do. including some local museums that normally charge, and could not justify the normal entrance fee, as well as places not normally open to the public. maybe some local attraction is participating and you could have a free day out.

puppey

I don't have any specific advice, but I wish you all the best! Work hard through it

dorothyjeffery

lots of good advice on here. and take it one step at a time.

i spent a lot of my younger years exactly in your position - a husband who spent money like it was going out of fashion, and gave me pennies to keep us all on. and it was learning to basic stuff that has been listed about, and using this site, that saw me through. i had 5 children and a husband who ate enough for 6 people, so learning to make a meal out of nothing becomes second nature.

it really is surprising what you can do. even now,im 67 and on my own and still, never pay for something i can do myself. i took the grandchildren out last week to pick all the rose hips we could find and went for blackberries the following day. its all free!!! and the grandkids love the film nights. popcorn, home made biks and home made milk shakes.and favourite dvd. cheap as anything and they love it. walks are good too: thats when you pick the wild stuff thats around. get to places like Iceland (if there is one near you) as soon as they open in the morning. all the meat that is on or near the use by date, is half price!!!!! much bigger price reductions than other supermarkets. i refuse to buy any meat that isnt reduced!!! a large chicken for £2 is amazing and it does a million meals plus a soup. good luck with it all. after a short while you will find that your whole mind set on buying/cooking/free food, will change.

PS. I also only ever buy clothes from charity shops. get great bedding from charity shops too. bought 2 pairs of jeans last week in my local charity shop and the both of them cost me £4 the lot.

janb5

Busy_Mee wrote: »

Hi - my very first post. I have been lurking about on here for a while, but was really struck by your situation. You could have been me a few years ago.

The first thing to send is a virtual hug and say you are not alone in this- loads of people have been in the same situation and it will get better. You are probably at the most financially difficult time in your life - 3 children, and one still a baby impacts massively on the family finances. It impacts on the ability of one of you to work and you end up managing on one wage - this can only get better as the children get older. For now though do try and enjoy the kids - they are little for such a short period of time.

My kids are older now and they don't remember us being hard up when they were little, but they have lots of lovely memories of some of the free things we did. Having no money, wearing second hand clothes doesn't have any negative impact on them long term - in fact it teaches them the value of money, a great work ethic and they appreciate everything they get. All kids really need is to be well cared for, happy and loved x

You are doing brilliantly - you seem to have got a plan to get your finances on track and lots of great advice from the forum. I think if you can treat money saving as your job and as a bit of a challenge - it some how feels much better and you get a really buzz out of every penny saved. You will probably find that this will change your life - I am still really careful on how we spend our money even though we are no longer in debt. This enables so many more choices in life - helping the kids the university, holidays and now trying to pay the mortgage off early.

You do need to try and look after yourself though - if you are struggling with feeling down, there are some things you can do that might help:
Try and get outside as much as you can. There have been lots of studies that show both exercise and connecting with the outdoors really help elevate your mood and can alleviate depression. The kids will enjoy it too and it might tire them out to make bedtimes a bit easier !
Build a support network - You don't mention whether you have any family support. I lived a long way away from my family so had no babysitters etc, but I managed to build a great support network of friends in a similar situation and with kids of a similar age. We used to swop kids and babysit for each other, pass on secondhand clothes and equipment and have some good social times at little cost. Picnics in the park, walks in the woods, cups of coffee round each other's houses are all much better with company - the kids play together and you get a bit of time for a good chat too. We are all still good friends now even though the kids are grown up.
If you do feel that you are depressed though then do go and see your doctor - don't struggle on on your own.

With regard to your finances, I presume that you have already been through all your outgoings to see if you can reduce them. If not the Debt Free board has lots of advice. You could post an SOA on there if you haven't already done so.
Have a think about any ways you can make some money - again there is lots of advice on here. I find selling stuff on eBay a good way of making extra cash. It would be good in your situation to see if you can sell stuff to build up a little emergency fund whilst your finances are so difficult - unexpected cost can be a real blow when you have so little money to play with.
Anyway I hope this helps - Keep your chin up and let us all know how you are getting on x

Just wanted to say what a lovely first post and very inspiring. Thank you for writing it so caringly. xx

savingqueen

Just popping in to say how well you are doing and offering you a big cheery smile and hug. My main priorities (kids are 7 & 10) are: food on the table (including washing up), clean clothes (not necessarily an empty laundry basket though), watching the pennies, tasks related to health/education/pets/important admin& finance and a little bit of quality time for everyone - time as a family and for yourself 1st, time with your partner/family/friends an important 2nd. Making time to talk with each child and your partner about their day also. Anything else is a bonus.

Hoovering can wait, dusting can wait, ironing can wait for ever if needs be (I don't do it), cleaning windows can wait. Concentrate on the basics and routines and then allocate a little time to tackle clutter or do an extra task. Accept that you can make lots of little changes to make a big difference but some mess is normal for anyone with kids, especially with a baby. You only have so many hours in the day and if you NEED to put your feet up for an hour becuase you are exhausted, do it and don't feel guilty.

One of my biggest time savers since I have had children is not to iron. None of my friends notice I don't iron our clothes..... worth a try??

Also get the older children to do a few little tasks. Eldest can run the hoover round, wash the car etc and youngest can do things like pair socks and tidy toys away. You could offer a non-monetary reward if you like - favourite game/cake/film or whatever at the weekend.

CH27

Well done on starting you old style debt free journey.

My advice is not to give up. You'll have little setbacks & disasters along the way but keep plodding on. It will be worth it in the long run.

dorothyjeffery

do please go to the citizens advice people about your debt. a lot of companies/debt collectors will tell you to pay an amount 'to stop court action' just to scare the life out of you.

cit adv will write to your creditors, all of them, not just the ones who are chasing you, and come to an arrangement with them, on your behalf. well worth a trip but be aware you may have to wait for an appointment so please dont put it off!!!

good luck with it all. i know what you are going through!!!!

and please do let us know how you are getting on with it all.

RedCola

Hello, I haven't been on here for a few days, though have popped on briefly to update my food thread etc.


I am keeping to my evening routine that I posted up thread, and that has helped hugely. Also am still forcing myself out the door each morning, even if its just taking a walk with the pram up to the supermarket so I can see the reduced section. I feel miles better for it, so thank you all for spurring me on. I honestly wouldn't have thought about something like that myself.


On the other hand, my money is being constantly spent on reduced section! I allowed myself around £10 per week on shopping ( we do have quite a bit in) A I really need to have the fees at the beginning of October to stop court. So far I have spent just over £20, so cant do any more this week really.


I took the children out for the day on Saturday, we went to my brothers. Normally would take the bus (Husband uses car for work) however we all strolled and took a long walk there. On the way back, we stopped at a lovely park we never use & then we came home and got in our pjs & watched the X factor (boys love it!) So pleased we had a great day & spent no money at all

Floss

Well done for your family NSD ( no spend day)!


And maybe you could plan some more meals with your bargains, so you can "save" from later in the month?