Maintenance for a 19 year old? my ex wants money from me

Diamonds_2

My son, 19, has decided to go back to college in a last ditch attempt to do something with his life (totally encouraged by myself and his step dad).. as the college he will be attending is nearer to his dads house he will be living with him (I've always had him with me and my partner who has brought him up since he was 5). My ex is wealthy but a very mean man (would keep all receipts of anything he ever bought for our son, tried to reduce maintenance payments etc.).. he paid maintenance but I never went through the CSA.. I just accepted the amount he paid even though I was well aware that he was earning way more than he was letting on to me. Anyway, I have just received an email from him asking me for maintenance for our son now that he will be living with him. I am stunned!!! I am currently unemployed (looking for work, have only been unemployed for a few weeks as I had an injury) and my partner currently supports me financially (I am not claiming for anything - never have!).. he has also stated in the email that if I don't agree to maintenance payments he will take it up with the CSA? I am wondering if any of you lovely people know what my rights are regarding this matter and who I should contact about it.

Mojisola

Diamonds wrote: »

My son, 19, has decided to go back to college in a last ditch attempt to do something with his life (totally encouraged by myself and his step dad).. as the college he will be attending is nearer to his dads house he will be living with him (I've always had him with me and my partner who has brought him up since he was 5). My ex is wealthy but a very mean man (would keep all receipts of anything he ever bought for our son, tried to reduce maintenance payments etc.).. he paid maintenance but I never went through the CSA.. I just accepted the amount he paid even though I was well aware that he was earning way more than he was letting on to me. Anyway, I have just received an email from him asking me for maintenance for our son now that he will be living with him. I am stunned!!! I am currently unemployed (looking for work, have only been unemployed for a few weeks as I had an injury) and my partner currently supports me financially (I am not claiming for anything - never have!).. he has also stated in the email that if I don't agree to maintenance payments he will take it up with the CSA? I am wondering if any of you lovely people know what my rights are regarding this matter and who I should contact about it.

If you were getting JSA, you'd have to give him £5 a week.

If you're not entitled to JSA, you'll have a £0 assessment.

JimmyTheWig

I have no idea what the CSA/legal position is, but am I right in thinking that if your son had chosen a college closer to your house then he would be living with you? Would you be paying towards his upkeep then?
It seems reasonable to me that you use at least some of this money that you're saving to help your son out.

Was he living with you before he went back to college? If so, I presume that maintenance from his dad had stopped. If so again, would you have asked his dad for maintenance now he was back at college if he was still living with you?

Maybe, rather than giving money direct to his dad, you could agree to pay for college equipment and books?

shop-to-drop

Don't forget to make deductions for everything you buy for your son when he is with you.

Diamonds_2

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

I have no idea what the CSA/legal position is, but am I right in thinking that if your son had chosen a college closer to your house then he would be living with you? Would you be paying towards his upkeep then?
It seems reasonable to me that you use at least some of this money that you're saving to help your son out.

Was he living with you before he went back to college? If so, I presume that maintenance from his dad had stopped. If so again, would you have asked his dad for maintenance now he was back at college if he was still living with you?

Maybe, rather than giving money direct to his dad, you could agree to pay for college equipment and books?

Since leaving college (dropped out about 18 months ago) he has been tooing and froing between the two of us and I haven't had any money from the ex since he went to college (aged 16). I have helped out my son over this period many times as he has been in and out of employment and that's how it's been. Like I said, the ex is wealthy, he's just being a tool.

Diamonds_2

shop-to-drop wrote: »

Don't forget to make deductions for everything you buy for your son when he is with you.

What do you mean? deductions from the maintenance payments I make to his dad? (if I do)

Mojisola

Diamonds wrote: »

My ex is wealthy but a very mean man (would keep all receipts of anything he ever bought for our son, tried to reduce maintenance payments etc.)..

he paid maintenance but I never went through the CSA.. I just accepted the amount he paid even though I was well aware that he was earning way more than he was letting on to me.

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

It seems reasonable to me that you use at least some of this money that you're saving to help your son out.

In Diamonds position, I'd think it was reasonable that his Dad used some of the money he didn't pay as CM in previous years to cover their son's current needs.

Diamond can still support her son by buying stuff for him or giving money directly to him.

JimmyTheWig

Diamonds wrote: »

Since leaving college (dropped out about 18 months ago) he has been tooing and froing between the two of us and I haven't had any money from the ex since he went to college (aged 16). I have helped out my son over this period many times as he has been in and out of employment and that's how it's been. Like I said, the ex is wealthy, he's just being a tool.

Can't quite follow the timeline, but are you saying that at age 16 your son was living with you full-time (or near enough) while at college and his dad wasn't paying maintenance?
If that's the case then I don't think his dad has any moral right (at least) to expect maintenance when the boot is on the other foot at 19.

shop-to-drop

Diamonds wrote: »

What do you mean? deductions from the maintenance payments I make to his dad? (if I do)

I may have misread as am sleep deprived but didn't you say he deducted from the maintenance he gave you any money he had spent on your son. I suggest you do the same for any money you give him.

Mojisola

Diamonds wrote: »

My ex is wealthy but a very mean man (would keep all receipts of anything he ever bought for our son, tried to reduce maintenance payments etc.)..

Diamonds wrote: »

What do you mean? deductions from the maintenance payments I make to his dad? (if I do)

I think shop meant that if your ex thought it was alright for him to do this, he would think it's alright for you to do the same!:rotfl:

Diamonds_2

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Can't quite follow the timeline, but are you saying that at age 16 your son was living with you full-time (or near enough) while at college and his dad wasn't paying maintenance?
If that's the case then I don't think his dad has any moral right (at least) to expect maintenance when the boot is on the other foot at 19.

My son used to go to a college near us, so lived with us (I think his dad still paid maintenance at that stage).. when he dropped out (after a few short months) the payments stopped and my son has been tooing and froing ever since... no money has been paid either way since. We have both (my ex and myself) helped him financially off and on (when he's been out of work) etc.