Getting back to work with social development issues

Viberduo

soupdragon10 wrote: »

I read your original post and the rather longer second post. Just a few observations.


Is customer service a good idea when you say that you find social situations difficult - in my experience (and I have worked with many people with Aspergers) customer service is a nightmare job as it involves meeting so many new people.


You have had a diagnosis, have you asked to be referred to the Disability Employment Adviser at the Jobcentre? they should be able to give you additional help and support.


Don't blame everyone around you when your condition means that you can't cope, often it is how you deal with the situation, and I know with your condition day to day working relationships can be difficult. Why not look for work that doesn't involve team working or being in larger groups of people to cut down these issues.

When I do something right I feel a little adrenaline and happier, and the reason for customer service based roles is just linked to that, I tried work experience in a factory and in a warehouse once and it made me so depressed that I just wanted to curl up in a ball as darkness felt tiring and numbin yet outside of workplace I felt fine, it says a lot when I worked to the best of my ablity then and was told I was bad at the job(did not even want to do it, I asked to work on the shop floor but was basically told, as I was a man it would be better to work in warehouse) funny how a girl in my class who wanted to work in warehouse was told she pretty much had to work on the shop front, I remember being told off by course leader when at feedback where I felt talked down to the manager of the store said to me that my performance was bad therefore I would not be offered a job and I just said politely I already had work experience and was not looking for a job with them(I liked 40 miles away at the time) I just wanted to get my skills back on track to stop getting them rusty, I did feel like saying to them that my family member had just been murdered a few months before and it was in local papers that week about suspect and that may of affected my performance but bit my lip over it.

I do not directly blame others for things more I am fragile due to years of bullying(beaten up at school, shoulder broken, one time was covered with eggs and flour and school laughed it off, was beaten up in a park.

However I mildly recovered from all that until the family death.

I was originally referred to the disablity advisor when I was diagnosed and they were really friendly but said due to cutbacks and lack of jobs in area there was nothing they could do, I was also referred to a local charity who helped me with my cv but again as no work was available I was removed from the service as it was a waste of their time.

When I went on ESA I saw an advisor once and told I would see them every 3 (or was it 6?) months officially but due to workload it would be less than that and it ended up being once in a year.

whitewing

I don't mean to be insensitive, but was it one of your parents who was sadly killed? You said that you had a happy childhood, yet you seem quite alone at the moment. I wonder why you are not talking to your family?

Viberduo

tomtontom wrote: »

This is not about people not understanding disability, this is about your blaming your disability for everything that is wrong with your life. You need to find ways to adapt so that you can better integrate, be it in person or online.

I struggle to believe that aspergers would make people 'grunt' at you in the street, how would they even know? If it is due to your smell issue then that is something you need to address - even those with medical issues that cause BO can control it to a great extent.

Im sorry but that is a incorrect assumption of me since due to my writing style it seems one way, when in fact I am not actually blaming my disablities for what has happened more they have just made things worse, I have had a lot of things like bullying and family death that hugely affected me but the disablities just made it hard to recover from issues i.e if I found it easier to relate to people I could talk about my issues which will get them out of my system, if I was more confident and able to hold a conversation with people it would boost my self confidence etc, if anything this thread just shows how bad I am at having a conversation.

Just because you do not understand anything does not make it untrue or incorrect, now that is misunderstanding things hugely.

I was the sort of person who would walk down the street with a nervous or sweet look on my face or a look of innocence(dont get it much anymore due to the stress of recent years) and people would just pick up on the fact I am different and use it to do something like that, my brother used to notice it when we went for a drink and told me off for my mannerisms, I am not talking about it happening all the time but mostly in evenings when people were drinking.

As for integration I think thats actually harder online since threads like this show people can interpret things in whatever way so therefore question your personality whilst to me online should be a haven where I get my thoughts out, its also why my writing style isnt that good online as I do not need to write a essay with perfect punctuaction(though I understand paragraphs I find them hard to do in a online situation) since my brain switches off a little when writing online.

Viberduo

whitewing wrote: »

I don't mean to be insensitive, but was it one of your parents who was sadly killed? You said that you had a happy childhood, yet you seem quite alone at the moment. I wonder why you are not talking to your family?

No it was my brothers fiance, and whilst the suspect was still free social work used it as a excuse to take my niece away from my brother saying he was a suspect, not going to get into it too much but it was religion based since they were not married and the social worker was old fashioned as were the fiances family of the same religion.

I talk to my parents all the time but theres only so much sympathy they can give and nothing much else.

And my childhood was semi happy, I have always been a imaginative person so as a child had loads of friends then when I went to high school it was clique based and did not fit in to any group and was bullied so felt a little lonely but also loved my independance such as coming home and playing video games, reading books or comics, watching a movie and on caravan holidays I would be out all day just going through the trees or playing in streams, I got more confidence until the death which around that point I came out of my shell but was just a little shy i.e started getting flirty and getting women chat me up.

aggypanthus

Viber. Your writing is fine, so what if you like detail, you come across as very intelligent and insightful re your problems.
I have an adult male friend who we think has undiagnosed aspergers and you seem very similar to him. Aged 50, he has never forged good work or peer group relationships, or attained the level of employment worthy of his intellect.

I say this to show understanding and not to demean you

missbiggles1

aggypanthus wrote: »

How is this a supportive post to a person with low self esteem? Telli g them the post is boring?


Also to missbiggles..not helpful or understanding.

I'm sorry you didn't find my comment helpful but perhaps you don't realise that helping children with Aspergers to modify their behaviour is a really important part of the treatment of this condition?

Takeaway_Addict

My point was that you might feel like it is bullying but actually it is your perspective being blown out of proportion.

Just because someone feels it's bullying doesn't mean it is.

Viberduo

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

My point was that you might feel like it is bullying but actually it is your perspective being blown out of proportion.

Just because someone feels it's bullying doesn't mean it is.

Its bullying in the sense they see me as weaker so its always easy to pick on the weak, if I am left out of things as people think I am strange that isnt bullying but it is singling me out for something out of my control, I assume part of the problem is my nerves and problems with eye contact, I like to stare at walls around me and concentrate on stuff as have a active imagination but people often think I am staring at them since in my random staring I may accidently look in their direction and be in my own world, sometimes if I notice someone staring at me I panick and wonder why they are doing so and in the process stare at them by accident wondering what to do.

I am very self aware in fact too much so that I overthink everything, I agree with the above poster who says I need to change my behaviour but I think it needs to be done less in the sense that what I am doing is wrong just needs to be done in a different way so need support to "rewire" my brain so I think different things when I come across sitations instead of just what often happens in situations like this when its just make your brain think its a negative to have these thoughts.

whitewing

What is it about your smell that is putting people off? This is really the first thing that you need to address, maybe in conjunction with your GP.

Viberduo

These days I dont get my smell mentioned anymore but that is because I started showering about 30 minutes a day and scrub my body, also I gained weight with made me sweat less(maybe hormonal since I sweat a lot when I was slim then suddenly piled on pounds when I was 25 and at same time my sweat was far less)

I still have clammy skin i.e if I shake someones hand they say its clammy but the smell is mostly gone but I get shower gel for it, did get tablets but they made me sleep like 16 hours a day