Getting back to work with social development issues

Viberduo

In short I have aspergers which badly affects my self esteem.

Longer version is I was a bright happy child, then started high school and was bullied and since I was from a family on benefits on a council estate and the bullies from much better off families i.e children of doctors or another reason parents were on PTA I shut out the world so if someone even said hello to me I would ignore them if not there(linked to my disablity)

I grew up happy but also feeling I was lonely and could not get the confidence to talk to people or if I was asked to a party I would be too tired or such to go.

Then at 21 had a family murder, 24 went to college, 25-28 kept restarting uni and dropping out after about 2 months, 29-31 same but at college.

I have a few issues, and yes I have worked in a few jobs of 2-12 months before mostly call centre job as I like customer service just hate the stress of bullying bosses and other employees.

I am NOT lazy, when I have worked I have been praised for going above and beyond but as I was working for minimum wage and bullied after a period of time at each job I just cracked and took sick days and never came back(anything from 3-6 months on average per job depending on bullying)

What inevitably happens is I start off all perked up from being off benefits(be it at college or working) then I get overwhelmed with the workload and early hours again not out of laziness but that as I am so low or depressed I like to sleep in and do things around how I feel and being forced to get up means I feel awful so go to work or college with low self esteem, no motivation then at work no one speaks to me as I have social problems speaking to people, come home feeling unappreciated and the cycle continues.

I know some people will say man up but I have hit such rock bottom I find it hard to improve without some magical fix i.e if I woke up tomorrow with a part time job in a position I liked and easy to get to, and was not bullied I could build my way up but what are the odds of that?

In real world terms how do I get out of this apart from the basic answers of get out of bed, go to bed earlier, just work and dont claim benefit etc.

whitewing

Could you work part time? Then you will get recovery time between shifts.

There are no magic fixes, sadly. However, there are also lovely people out on the world that will appreciate you as you are. Have you read any of the books by Aperger people? You may find these autobiographies give you some strategies for dealing with people.

There is an Asperger thread on MSE somewhere. That may give you some inspiration.

Takeaway_Addict

Viberduo wrote: »

In short I have aspergers which badly affects my self esteem.

Longer version is I was a bright happy child, then started high school and was bullied and since I was from a family on benefits on a council estate and the bullies from much better off families i.e children of doctors or another reason parents were on PTA I shut out the world so if someone even said hello to me I would ignore them if not there(linked to my disablity)

I grew up happy but also feeling I was lonely and could not get the confidence to talk to people or if I was asked to a party I would be too tired or such to go.

Then at 21 had a family murder, 24 went to college, 25-28 kept restarting uni and dropping out after about 2 months, 29-31 same but at college.

I have a few issues, and yes I have worked in a few jobs of 2-12 months before mostly call centre job as I like customer service just hate the stress of bullying bosses and other employees.

I am NOT lazy, when I have worked I have been praised for going above and beyond but as I was working for minimum wage and bullied after a period of time at each job I just cracked and took sick days and never came back(anything from 3-6 months on average per job depending on bullying)

What inevitably happens is I start off all perked up from being off benefits(be it at college or working) then I get overwhelmed with the workload and early hours again not out of laziness but that as I am so low or depressed I like to sleep in and do things around how I feel and being forced to get up means I feel awful so go to work or college with low self esteem, no motivation then at work no one speaks to me as I have social problems speaking to people, come home feeling unappreciated and the cycle continues.

I know some people will say man up but I have hit such rock bottom I find it hard to improve without some magical fix i.e if I woke up tomorrow with a part time job in a position I liked and easy to get to, and was not bullied I could build my way up but what are the odds of that?

In real world terms how do I get out of this apart from the basic answers of get out of bed, go to bed earlier, just work and dont claim benefit etc.

Realistically if you feel you're being bullied at every job you do the issue probably isn't bullying. You need to start building your career and that does mean accepting that everything isn't always rosy and get through any tough period

whitewing

One of my relatives (undiagnosed Aspergers) works nights at a supermarket. Another person I know works nights in a petrol station. Both have slightly enhanced rates of pay, but also get to be trusted to get on with the work without as much human interaction through the shift.

Believe me, it is unrealistic to get through life without interacting with people to the best of your ability. You can get better but you need to chip away at the skills. It will be harder for you as it doesn't come naturally but you can have a life you enjoy once you work out how to reduce the stress.

I would never have thought I am anxious, but I found anti depressants really help me interact with people IRL. May be worth speaking to your GP. You may find there are different options of support available from when you were diagnosed.

Viberduo

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Realistically if you feel you're being bullied at every job you do the issue probably isn't bullying. You need to start building your career and that does mean accepting that everything isn't always rosy and get through any tough period

Oh I have been bullied at each job as it comes down to me been seen as weak as I am timid and naive, first job I had was sealing envelopes for council for 2 weeks and was just in a room with 4 people and was praised and told I made an effort and to apply for any position suitable that came up but moved away for college.

1st real job was a holiday park where the boss was bitter and nasty towards men as she just got divorced, she used to say in front of the male staff that men were useless, men were cheats, men were lazy, men were theives and on my first day I was given a written warning as a female employee talked about how men were useless at cleaning and smiled and laughed and as I was naive I assumed it was a joke so said "oh men are not designed for this, women are better at it", I was given written warning next day for being sexist and a lecture from the boss who told me I was a disgusting man, I was sexist and looked down on women etc, I was sent home twice for smelling(I have a skin problem that I still take medication for now) I was bullied by the other staff too who called me smelly behind my back, weirdo etc.

2nd job was a call centre and there wasnt much bullying there because I only lasted 3 months but this one was my favourite job and I stuck it out but was laid off as the bosses took on about 400 new staff and then fired almost all of them as they overestimated demand(it was directory enquiries when it first became available to private companies to do) I got on with all the staff there apart from 3 of them who were supervisors, one was jealous as the other staff used to praise me and other supervisors told me I was a good team leader and good at my job and should be promoted(this was whilst still training) but that made one guy the same age jealous and he was the one who fired me telling me I was useless at my job.

Third job call centre again and from day 1 in training was bullied or left out i.e a trainee night out was planned and I got on with only 2 of the other staff and when I heard another say about the night out I asked the one I got on with about it and he confirmed it was a night out and I said he can sleep on my floor as he lived miles away then the main bully(a girl by the way) told him it was cancelled.

Next day in training the guy I got on with said to me that he was hungover from night before and asked me why I didnt come and I saw him get evil eyes from the girl, she would call me weird within earshot and laugh at me as would other staff. When I got into the main call centre she decided to phone up the call centre pretending to be a customer and when she heard it was me she was like "alrite "myname" you freak, ha ha remember that time we had a works night out and you were not invited" etc, then another girl started giving me abuse and spread rumours about me around the call centre so I reported her and she moaned at me for reporting her(it never went further as her aunt was one of the managers) and she gave me death threats in staff room, one time I had to sit next to her due to lack of seats in call centre and she hung up her phone call, logged off and walked off and said to her cousin who was a supervisor "im not sitting next to that smelly """"""" and that very night was a Friday night so I saw her at bar after work and tried being nice to her to have her threaten to beat me up and get another cousin who was a bouncer to beat me up too and claim I tried to rape her(I was 13 stone at the time and she was far bigger than me, she looked and acted like Vicky Pollard but far bigger, i.e bleached blonde, pink jacket loads of red make up on cheeks) I had other staff be rude to me too.

Then I went to college and I was off ill for 2 weeks and in my absence people thought I had dropped out so put a poster of me up saying "hey you guys!" like the guy from Goonies and I found out when I heard some people whispering when I came back they saw me like that person.

At uni was pretty much the same, all it boils down to is due to my aspergers I am nervous so either go quiet or talk nonsense as I cannot have a clear mind or a good conversation so come across as weird, if I try to make friends people think I am clingy, if I am quiet people think I am weird.

As for work I need a balance between left on own and comfort i.e I need to be told now and again what I am doing is good and correct otherwise I freak out but even that needs a balance as when I went to college a few years ago shortly after I was given a diagnosis I felt like I was treated like a primary school child i.e the lecturer asked people to include me, and their efforts to be polite just made me feel like I was stupid and not capable of being independant.

I have a high iq. bright as well, hard worker just low self esteem and linking that to work and study I start something slow to the point I can trail far behind people which stresses me out then when I get comfortable I become almost mechanical but also hate to leave till something is finished which is fine but if its a large job say uni work I would stay up all night then go to bed despite having a lecture at say 9am then missing that lecture makes me freak out so I miss more lectures as I am afraid of having to catch up or the lecturers telling me I am behind so I end up dropping out.

So its me freaking out is one of the main things, added to on the rare chance I relax I may stay up all night, or get a take away(which may make me feel worse in anither way) that can be added to the fact I can stay in for days and go out for a 5 minute walk one day and end up being out for 30 minutes then feel relaxed so again stay up all night.

So its routine too but I cannot handle being thrown into the deep end nor can I handle not doing anything.

BigAunty

Self employment?

That way, you only have to manage relationships with individual clients rather than colleagues and can often do most of the work without the client present, something quite solo if this won't make you feel too lonely.

Cleaning? Dog walking? Garden Maintenance? Window cleaning? Something with low start up costs if you don't have much capital. Hopefully other posters can suggest some self employment opportunities.

Find something you are interested in and explore self employment.

If you are single, without disabilities and dependents, you have to work 30 hours per week to qualify for working tax benefits (less if you have disabilities). Housing benefit and council tax discount will be based on your income.

Are you classed as disabled or not? There are charitable organisations that help this group into employment.

jc808

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

I'd give this 4/10 for trying, the massive second post is a bit boring. Good amount of detail though.

Exactly what I was thinking....

soupdragon10

I read your original post and the rather longer second post. Just a few observations.


Is customer service a good idea when you say that you find social situations difficult - in my experience (and I have worked with many people with Aspergers) customer service is a nightmare job as it involves meeting so many new people.


You have had a diagnosis, have you asked to be referred to the Disability Employment Adviser at the Jobcentre? they should be able to give you additional help and support.


Don't blame everyone around you when your condition means that you can't cope, often it is how you deal with the situation, and I know with your condition day to day working relationships can be difficult. Why not look for work that doesn't involve team working or being in larger groups of people to cut down these issues.

missbiggles1

Viberduo wrote: »

Of course it is boring, but its part of my disability to write a lot of things I think are related, I cannot make out if you are just being ignornat or do not understand disablities.

Surely, if you know and understand this is a problem you could just stop it.

Also, posting in that tone may explain why some people don't like you and not liking someone is in no way the same as bullying them..

Viberduo

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Surely, if you know and understand this is a problem you could just stop it.

Also, posting in that tone may explain why some people don't like you and not liking someone is in no way the same as bullying them..

After I wrote that I was thinking of changing it but intentionally kept it that way as I used the word ignorant not to imply they were rude but to imply a lack of understanding, I wanted to see the way it was picked up.

However do you not understand things like disablities? I am a different person in public than online, in public I am the blushing nervous polite person who gets used or laughed at, I have had the one or two friends I have made over the years tell me that they have had their own larger friend group call me strange and weird and a freak, I have walked down the street and had grunts or called a freak etc

tomtontom

This is not about people not understanding disability, this is about your blaming your disability for everything that is wrong with your life. You need to find ways to adapt so that you can better integrate, be it in person or online.

I struggle to believe that aspergers would make people 'grunt' at you in the street, how would they even know? If it is due to your smell issue then that is something you need to address - even those with medical issues that cause BO can control it to a great extent.