Dilema

marisco_2

MoralDilema wrote: »

she is scared of the unknown.

It is terrifying to face a future alone when you are in an abusive relationship. Treading on eggshells and trying to stay one step ahead of someone that you live in fear of is awful, and you end up drained of all your energy and the ability to think straight. It feels overwhelming to try and work out how you can move forward safely and securely.

I cant emphasise enough though that this woman faces far more to be scared of by staying as she is, rather than in contacting Women's Aid or similar and seeking help in moving on with her life. Abuse always escalates. I hope she finds the strength to decide to stop this guy treating her so badly, for hers and the child's sake.

MoralDilema

just an update

i phoned the number that mojisola linked to for womens aid and they gave me some really good advice. I've admitted to her that i've phoned them and allayed her fears of what they might think, gave her the number and asked her to call them for her own safety.
Also got a call back from the police who have logged the details but at the moment, at my request will not proceed or talk to her directly unless there is another report. After feeling guilty about going against her trust I will let her make the next call.
I have now warned this guy that if anything happens I will phone the police directly.

Hope everything works out and even over the past couple of days she seems less unhappy as she now knows things are finally turning round

Mojisola

MoralDilema wrote: »

Hope everything works out and even over the past couple of days she seems less unhappy as she now knows things are finally turning round

An abusive partner will usually try to isolate their victim so that he/she feels there's no option but to put up with the bullying.

Just knowing that there is someone on her side will help her a lot.

RuthnJasper

MoralDilema wrote: »

just an update

i phoned the number that mojisola linked to for womens aid and they gave me some really good advice. I've admitted to her that i've phoned them and allayed her fears of what they might think, gave her the number and asked her to call them for her own safety.
Also got a call back from the police who have logged the details but at the moment, at my request will not proceed or talk to her directly unless there is another report. After feeling guilty about going against her trust I will let her make the next call.
I have now warned this guy that if anything happens I will phone the police directly.

Hope everything works out and even over the past couple of days she seems less unhappy as she now knows things are finally turning round

She is very, very lucky to have someone who understands her issues and cares about her enough to actually step up and do something (and, moreover, something constructive and useful as opposed to going and beating up the worthless scrote of an ex who is terrorising her).

You have done precisely the right thing. Plus which, you may well have actively saved her life - did anyone here see the galling but excellently-done recent BBC Drama "Murdered By My Boyfriend"? It was a very worthy programme, which showed how easily these things escalate and how the victim is unable to get themselves away.

I wish you, the lady in question and her child the very, very best for the future. As for the gitwizard who thinks his behaviour is acceptable - I hope he gets found out, exposed for what he is, and imprisoned with one or two hardnuts he himself arrested in the past.

sparrer

Well said RuthnJasper. Some men think it's okay to physically/mentally abuse a woman as it makes a weakling feel superior and powerful. Many years ago I was watching television when my youngest DD, then 3 came down and sat on my lap. She watched the programme and literally shuddered then asked 'Mummy why are daddys allowed to hurt Mummys?' It was then that I packed one bag and took my children to the original Chiswick WA. Sleeping on a bunk bed with them both was the most comfortable and safe I'd felt for years. I would loathe anyone to have to go through this sort of thing and wouldn't hesitate to fight any monster who hurt my children or grandchildren. Fortunately they're now all grown, one married and I couldn't choose a better husband for her.

Please feel free to show your friend this MoralDilema, and the other posts. Once she's broken the ring of fear she'll never be able to thank you enough. I wish her, and you, all the best for a happy future

alias*alibi

Indeed things can escalate if nobody steps in. I live in the same area as Hollie Gazzard, the hairdresser who was stabbed to death by her boyfriend at work. Her dad said he wanted to warn her boyfriend to back off after Hollie confided in him that he was abusive, but she said she wanted to deal with it herself first, and looked what happened. You can never be too careful and I think you did the right thing by calling the police.

RuthnJasper

sparrer wrote: »

Well said RuthnJasper. Some men think it's okay to physically/mentally abuse a woman as it makes a weakling feel superior and powerful. Many years ago I was watching television when my youngest DD, then 3 came down and sat on my lap. She watched the programme and literally shuddered then asked 'Mummy why are daddys allowed to hurt Mummys?' It was then that I packed one bag and took my children to the original Chiswick WA. Sleeping on a bunk bed with them both was the most comfortable and safe I'd felt for years. I would loathe anyone to have to go through this sort of thing and wouldn't hesitate to fight any monster who hurt my children or grandchildren. Fortunately they're now all grown, one married and I couldn't choose a better husband for her.

Please feel free to show your friend this MoralDilema, and the other posts. Once she's broken the ring of fear she'll never be able to thank you enough. I wish her, and you, all the best for a happy future

I am so glad that you had the courage and strength to get yourself free and safe. All the very, very best to you Sparrer. x