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Dilema

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Posting this under a different name as you never know who's looking

Right. Dilema is this.

A girl i'm involved with has an ex that is abusive. Constant name calling, belitteling, raising his hand and previous violence, will not leave her house as he stays over to look after his son and will not let her leave, will not do anything to help when he's there, constantly orders her about and is just a general abusive bully that seems to be using this to his advantage.

She is constantly depressed and feels worthless and wonders why she has to suffer it. I said she didn't but she won't goto the police as her ex is, a copper and he thinks he's above the law. Also she thinks social services will come along and take her kids, i don't think that would happen.


So today i dialled 101 and asked about clares law. I put a complaint in.

Since doing that i got a message from her to not do anything, i did dial 101 back and asked if they could recall the complaint but they werent sure as it might not be dropped due to what i said and relevent information from messages.

I know i have done the right thing but i think it could end so badly for her and the kids and thats the last thing i want. Have been told that if i get involved she'll never see me again, thats a chance i'm willing to take for someones safety.

Does anyone know if any complaint to the police is anonymous? Also have i done the right thing?
Speak your mind.- Nobody else will do it for you.
«13

Comments

  • i dont not know the legal side at all sorry:(

    but i would far rather walk away knowing i had done the right thing than stay and deal with worst case scenario

    you did the correct thing 100% in my mind
    it may be the catalyst in getting her to seek the help she clearly needs to deal with this propery
  • lulu_92
    lulu_92 Posts: 2,758 Forumite
    Rampant Recycler I've been Money Tipped!
    She's probably had the fear put in her by this ex that it's all her fault. Either that or she's rightfully scared about how ex will react if it came to anything.

    You did the right thing as she can't live in fear forever.
    Our Rainbow Twins born 17th April 2016
    :A 02.06.2015 :A
    :A 29.12.2018 :A



  • Thank you , put my mind a bit at ease as i know i did the right thing

    This could all come back on me also as i had to give quite a few details to the police, was hoping it would be anonymous. If not , ill have to deal with it.
    Speak your mind.- Nobody else will do it for you.
  • lulu_92 wrote: »
    She's probably had the fear put in her by this ex that it's all her fault.

    That is exactly what's happenening, everything in his eyes is her fault.
    Speak your mind.- Nobody else will do it for you.
  • She's also worried about if he lost his job she would lose money, also as he comes over to look after their son, he will refuse to do it and therefore she can't work. He knows this and plays on it
    Speak your mind.- Nobody else will do it for you.
  • That is exactly what's happenening, everything in his eyes is her fault.



    Sounds like he should have been put down at birth. Seriously why does anyone put up with this and it works both ways with men and women to.
  • nearlyrich
    nearlyrich Posts: 13,698 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Hung up my suit!
    It has to be worth her finding a better solution than him staying at her home to look after the child, she has made the break but he is still in charge? I know it's not easy to walk away from a bully but she has made the first steps she needs to cut him from her life and let him have the inconvenience of seeing his child at a contact centre where she is 100% safe from his bullying. No amount of money is worth risking her life and the child's life for.
    Free impartial debt advice from: National Debtline or Stepchange[/CENTER]
  • sax11
    sax11 Posts: 3,250 Forumite
    Home Insurance Hacker!
    The only person that can really help her is herself. If she doesn't make a concerted effort to get out then the cycle will continue.
  • schwam66
    schwam66 Posts: 161 Forumite
    yupp you 100% did the right thing my friend better to know that she is safe....just curious so this is her ex that stays over while your involved with her?? have you not ever said to him to move on?? all the best hopefully it will work out you did the right thing
  • I have suggested that schwam but i've been told that it will probably make the situation a lot worse where she's bound to suffer a load more abuse.

    He only stays over to look after his child. No, he doesn't have his own place before anyone asks.
    Speak your mind.- Nobody else will do it for you.
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