Brother Wont get a JOB!

Pschool1

BJV wrote: »

Do not think that this is what you will want to hear. But! If it was me I would grin and bear it. You are saving for a mortgage so don't let lazy going nowhere brother mess it up for you.


It will take you much longer if you have to save and rent at the same time.


It is also not just your brother the are hundreds and thousands of people like him in the Uk today. He can not be bothered or its too difficult. Life is difficult and there is no substitute for hard work, if that is education or job it is still hard work.


The only recompense I can offer is that 10 years from now while you are sitting in your own home, fingers crossed happy and healthy he will be where? With his current work ethics and unless he changes certainly not in a home he owns , certainly not with the opportunities you have.


It is hard for your mum, he is her son so please do not be so hard on her, I have two children and would hate to be in her situation.

thanks bjv,
i know deep down moving out would be a major sacrifice, proberly not worth it in the end...the whole situation is just heavily annoying...his behaviour is very selfish in my opinion.

Im quite annoyed at my mum today after this argument, as i believe its the parents fault they havent put their feet down.
as for my brother im gona put the pressure on him, other then that i find it pretty easy to live under the same roof as him and ignore him..especially if he wont take note of the advice ive been giving him over the years:T

pickledonionspaceraider

Putting pressure on him is only going to cause resentment on both sides - him because you have no right to put pressure on him - and you because he won't listen to your advice. It is not a good basis for all having to live together

I think you should take the lead from your parents, after all, it is their house and their responsibility - if they do not want to keep pressuring him, it really isn't your place to do so and attempt to belittle the parents efforts by causing world war three on your own terms. Your parents live their too, and you constantly reinforcing you aren't happy is just going to decrease their happiness levels.

Basically you are accusing your parents of being bad parents by telling them it is their fault and telling your brother he is no good. Does anyone in your family measure up to your standards?

BJV

From what I can see I do not think that the OP would have a problem with him if they thought he was working hard and having a go. I think the fact that he seems to do nothing especially his studies is what aggravates even more.


Just concentrate on you and what makes you happy & save as hard as you can x

JJG

Charityworker wrote: »

People with media studies degrees go on to get jobs in the film, TV and media industry which is one of the highest paid industries there is.
!

http://www.itv.com/news/update/2013-11-19/office-for-national-statistics-graduate-statistics/

Looks like you're more likely to have a job with media studies but at the lowest average pay.

Savvy_Sue

I think if I was his mum I'd ask him to get his act together or move out.

But then, I know I could point him towards supported housing options, which may or may not be available in your area. See if you have a foyer near you, or anything like this.

Marshmallow82

jules888 wrote: »

Bloody hell!Wouldnt want you as a parent kicking kids out at 18!

A lot of people go to Uni at 18 or get a job and live in a flat. What's the problem?

System

JJG wrote: »

http://www.itv.com/news/update/2013-11-19/office-for-national-statistics-graduate-statistics/

Looks like you're more likely to have a job with media studies but at the lowest average pay.

I'd quite happily take £21,000

Lith

just kick him out.... trust me... it would do him a favor

he can get his own place and manage his money (he'll soon get bored and want a job)

Honestly i would just tell him to sling his hook, kick him out and don't waste your time/energy with someone like that.

I did this to my younger brother, and after 6 months he came back a changed man, (my family wasn't happy i did that) but now... he has his own car job at burger king 40 hours... (hey its a job) and his own place)

moneyistooshorttomention

Ultimately, brothers behaviour isn't OP's responsibility to monitor, unless she is indeed subsidising him.

In OP's position, I would be working out whether what I was paying for my "board and lodge" to my mother was fair or whether she's paying a fair amount PLUS some extra on top to cover lazy brothers costs.

If what she is paying is fair, then that's an end of it and its not up to OP to nag at Lazy Bro and is just the responsibility of the parents to try and get him to "get his act together". If she is definitely paying extra over and above whats fair in order to subsidise Lazy Bro, then would it be possible to just refuse to pay that subsidy bit?

My definition of what is fair to pay parents for keep boils down to all the extra costs from another person living in the house (extra food/extra fuel/extra "sundries"), so that the parents aren't out of pocket at all at having their adult child living with them. I had to pay more than that personally back many years ago before moving out, as my own mother even thought I should pay a part of the rates for instance (though they were the same, whether I lived there or no). My take on that was/is that she wanted to charge me more than the extra costs of my being there, in order to put pressure on me to move out (which I duly did at 20).

So, I tend to think its = extra costs of one extra person for children up to, say, 25 years old and then up the rate if they are still there to appropriate proportion of costs minus the mortgage payments (ie in order to incentivise them to move at that stage).

So, my main question to OP is "How much are you paying for your board and lodge to your parents?" and that way we can judge whether its a fair amount or you are subsidising Lazy Bro.

Then it would be possible to see whether it is appropriate to expect a say about his conduct or no (dependant on whether you are subsidising him or no).

(I can sympathise if you are indeed subsidising him, as I've also got a brother who thinks other people should "pay his way" - including me!!).

haras_nosirrah

JJG wrote: »

http://www.itv.com/news/update/2013-11-19/office-for-national-statistics-graduate-statistics/

Looks like you're more likely to have a job with media studies but at the lowest average pay.

Good to know I buck the trend. Have an English degree and earn 60k working part time from home. Not that my job is in any way linked to my degree