Family and becoming an ex-pat

top_drawer_2

Hello

This is completely irrelevant to moneysaving most likely but I could do with a little support and to let off some steam.

I've managed to land a job teaching English in Seoul, South Korea in a public school after having spent months (saving for and then) studying for a CELTA / saving up set up money and preparing for a new life different using the services of a life coach. I'm chuffed to bits as I have the agency I wanted (and thought I was too under qualified / inexperienced to stand a chance) and also the city too. I'm very excited and feel ready to tackle things on a practical level.

However, I'm finding my family to be a very difficult in that they are just not interested. I told my Dad around 4 weeks ago that I had been offered the position. He became increasingly frustrated as I "wasn't prepared" according to his very defined definition and became angry when talking about insurance and then his partner went off on a tangent about the secret service and their powers to stop me leaving if I was unhappy (I can always come home was part of my argument).

Now I agree I am probably not wholly prepared but who is for something like this?!I haven't spoke to him since (I have to pop down to his house to see him). He telephoned a couple of days after the above argument to again get on at me: "You're not prepared" "The political situation isn't safe" "How will you cope if you have an accident?" "You couldn't cope when you fractured both your wrists last year : how will you cope?" However, neither of my parents have been supportive in helping me "prepare" on any level. I haven't heard from him since and my Mum is equally unhelpful.

My Mother is narcissistic in a word; dismissive, rude and all about herself. On Wednesday we (Mum, step-dad and I) took my guinea pig to a rescue centre to be re-homed. She dominated (with irrelevant rubbish) the conversation with the lady who runs the rescue and then on the way back we stopped to get something to eat and I offered to pay as a thank you for driving. My step-dad wanted a pie, Mum wanted a meal and cake which was fair enough and then "she also wanted a second cake. I didn't have enough with £10 so ironically, she ended up paying for her own cakes.

Yesterday, she comes into my room (I've lived at home since May 2013), while I was watching a film and starts an extended conversation .... and then wants to know what I'm doing with the rug that I have my room and dropping heavy hints that it will look lovely in her room. I bought this rug for my room when I lived in a shared house having saved up for an age for it and it is beautiful. To be honest I want to say no, you can't have it as I know they value of nothing (and know the price of everything). I previous loaned them a heater I bought to use in a shared house and when I moved into a house where the heating was excellent allowed them to take it to use in their caravan. However, when I moved again and asked for the heater back they complained they were using it (Oh how selfish, you expect us to be cold when we go away to the caravan!") and then that it had "broke." I noticed that it was still in the loft earlier this year and that they took it to the caravan park when they docked the caravan.

I haven't told anyone properly at work yet (although my last shift should be Monday) as my VISA still hasn't arrived and up until recently it wasn't 100% I would be going due to issues with documents. I've talked a little about it to one person but she hasn't bothered to reply to my last text, I told her I had applied for my VISA. I honestly don't think for a minute its all about me but surely some of it could be about me?

I would desperately like for someone to be happy and as excited for me as I am, to share ideas on what bits and pieces to buy and take and to want to have a farewell meal / drink.

I feel I am the only person in the world in this situation.

Thanks for listening

TD

millysg1

Well, congratulations!!!!

You decided you wanted to achieve something, set your mind to it,. worked hard at it and have achieved it!!!!

WELL DONE and be very proud of yourslef. No, not everyone will understand your desire to do this but its your dream. So follow it!

nearlyrich

Great to hear you are happy with your plans, sounds like your parents wouldn't be happy with anything you do so just get on with it..and have fun

HPoirot

I guess your dad is worried about you being so far away and him being helpless if or when something happens to you out there. To be fair, neither the political situation in, nor access to, Seoul has been the best in the world, and I guess parents, especially if they are elderly and have set views of things, would worry about anyone being there on their own.

Maybe you could approach this again with him by saying you are following your dream and this may only be for a few years, I suppose this would ease his mind a little?

Oh, and congratulations .

top_drawer_2

HPoirot wrote: »

I guess your dad is worried about you being so far away and him being helpless if or when something happens to you out there. To be fair, neither the political situation in, nor access to, Seoul has been the best in the world, and I guess parents, especially if they are elderly and have set views of things, would worry about anyone being there on their own.

Maybe you could approach this again with him by saying you are following your dream and this may only be for a few years, I suppose this would ease his mind a little?

Oh, and congratulations .

lol I've told him its only a year (long contract).

Make-it-3

Congratulations - don't let others around you get you down.

You have a goal you are in the process of achieving - instead of focusing on people who don't understand your dreams and ambitions use your time before you go preparing for your new life ahead.

There must be forums and sites online for ex-pats in South Korea, or teachers going abroad - make some friends with people who have a similar outlook and you'll probably get lots of tips too on getting yourself assimilated and acquainted with life in a new country.

Best of luck with it all.

HPoirot

top_drawer wrote: »

lol I've told him its only a year (long contract).

Make-it-3 wrote: »

people who don't understand your dreams and ambitions

Lol ok, then Make-it-3 has summed it quite well, your folks just don't 'get' why you're doing it!

ETA dreams and ambitions often have very different meanings for different generations, I wouldn't let their attitude get you down.

As for your mum :eek: is she thinking about what she can 'inherit' and not about this new chapter in your life!!!!

top_drawer_2

Milly has got it exactly, this was something that was so far out of reach for me 3-4 years ago and I've worked consistently towards getting somewhere better than I was, and then this past 18 months with this in mind. I don't expect anyone to understand, I will never understand my Dad's thing for cars, to me if it gets you there and back then it will do! But I don't react negatively about it afterall its his money / life.

They are very critical - any advice on how to sort the rug issue out?

Both my parents are only in their 50's - its such a shame; what on earth did I do to deserve such a sh!tty lot in terms of relatives?!?

I have joined a more specific forum; apparently its weird that I have xx number of posts but haven't even arrived yet (!!) As I said I've never lived abroad and like to be prepared, plus I wanted to know all the in's and out's of things before I committed.

All contracts for Native English Teachers are only a year long, they don't seem to get it and they don't seem too care either. My Mum just seems to be so much out for herself all the time.

nuttywoman

My daughter went to South Korea teaching and loved it , loved the people etc.
Phone calls back home were so cheap , they have a funny system with their phones if I remember my daughter telling me, she used to be on phone for hours chatting to us for next to nothing

If I was you I`d go , it`ll be the best thing you can do

top_drawer_2

nuttywoman wrote: »

My daughter went to South Korea teaching and loved it , loved the people etc.
Phone calls back home were so cheap , they have a funny system with their phones if I remember my daughter telling me, she used to be on phone for hours chatting to us for next to nothing

If I was you I`d go , it`ll be the best thing you can do

Believe me I won't not be going!! I have the job that everyone else wants on the applicants forum!

julie03

congratulations on following your dreams, I always encourage my children to do so while they are young enough and dont have children to bog you down so much. Ignore your parents and do what is right for you, forums are a great help as people with experience will give you the low down on how things work.

do you know anyone who could store the rug for you and your belongings so nothing goes missing?