Dating Website - Next Steps

Tropez

pollyanna24 wrote: »

There have been quite a few messages back and forth over the last few days (I only joined this website on Monday). But they were nice messages, nothing seedy (sorry, I'm new to the whole dating website thing and as soon as anyone starts mentioning meeting up right away or asking "if I like cuddles" when we only been messaging for half an hour, I just don't message them back!)

Instant message? That's just the same as messaging someone isn't it? Or am I missing something?

Instant message is "real-time" messaging (using something like Yahoo, Steam Chat, Skype can do it too etc.) and you can have slightly better conversations. Like a phone convo, but you type instead. Messaging someone back and forth through PMs isn't quite as dynamic.

You've only been on the site for less than a week so yeah, I wouldn't be handing out your mobile number just yet. Friend of mine's mum was talking to a guy for weeks.... and through a course of events, involving begging for cash, we discovered this "lovely guy" was a woman from Lagos in Nigeria.

Not saying that will happen to you, of course but I wouldn't be in any rush. Decent guys can totally wait for a number

pollyanna24

Tropez wrote: »

Instant message is "real-time" messaging (using something like Yahoo, Steam Chat, Skype can do it too etc.) and you can have slightly better conversations. Like a phone convo, but you type instead. Messaging someone back and forth through PMs isn't quite as dynamic.

You've only been on the site for less than a week so yeah, I wouldn't be handing out your mobile number just yet. Friend of mine's mum was talking to a guy for weeks.... and through a course of events, involving begging for cash, we discovered this "lovely guy" was a woman from Lagos in Nigeria.

Not saying that will happen to you, of course but I wouldn't be in any rush. Decent guys can totally wait for a number

Fair enough, I am new to all this. Don't think I've ever actually been on a date (I was with something for years and years from when we were teenagers - so don't know how dating works really).

I've kinda said I will think about giving him my number, but now I like the idea of getting a cheap phone and using that. Not sure when I'll be able to get one though, my kids are back from holiday this evening and I don't like taking them to supermarkets as they always beg for stuff!

burnoutbabe

I had that when the chap I was seeing wanted to ring and chat. As what would we talk about if strangers? would be odd.

But I found if I limited it to 10 minutes, it was better in my mind, I could cope with that. (and then I'd say "dinner is ready" or something to excuse myself).

Tropez

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Fair enough, I am new to all this. Don't think I've ever actually been on a date (I was with something for years and years from when we were teenagers - so don't know how dating works really).

I've kinda said I will think about giving him my number, but now I like the idea of getting a cheap phone and using that. Not sure when I'll be able to get one though, my kids are back from holiday this evening and I don't like taking them to supermarkets as they always beg for stuff!

The Nokia 106 is available online from Tesco Mobile for £9 + £3.00 delivery if you wanted to buy it online.

susieq87

when you do give them your number just ask leading questions, i have noticed that men like to talk abotu themselves just us much as women do that should make things seem less awkward

pixiechick99

I could have written your original post!
I've been chatting to a chap online, for about 6 weeks though on and off. We originally messaged 4 years ago, but I'd not long come out of hospital so wasn't up to meeting so I just let that fizzle out. Saw him again online recently so we chatted, he sent his mobile number. Exchanged texts..then he wanted to ring and I panicked! Managed to put him off a few times then thought I have to speak as he was thinking I was not interested.

Anyway, I dreaded it all day but we spoke last Sunday evening and it was fine...and I do hate the phone, I felt the same about rather meeting up too. So we met last night for a drink in town...though as I drove in I was still contemplating turning round and going home:) I had awful butterflies and was so nervous! But, I had a nice night, might see him again...we did get on really well so you never know. I just don't enjoy the first date thing...would love to skip all that;)

So, not much advice, just wanted to let you know you're not on your own in how you feel! Good luck:D

Lone_Northern_Lass

If you're more comfortable meeting up face-to-face why not suggest that?

Earlier this year, I went on two dates with a guy I met through OKCupid. On the first occasion, I got the train down to him, on the second occasion he got the train up here. We decided on when to meet and where to go on the dates through written messages (firstly messages via the website, later emails). Once we'd set up the first date, we did exchange phone numbers so we could get in touch in case of travel problems. We sent a few texts between us about delayed trains and after the second date, we each sent the other a text along the lines of 'Thank you for a nice time even though this relationship isn't going any further'. We never spoke on the phone at all and doing so would just have stressed me out without changing the outcome at all.

I'm currently arranging to meet up with another guy I've met through OKCupid. I'm planning to follow the same strategy - most details of meeting up arranged through messages on the website, send him my phone number a day or two beforehand so we can text about any travel problems etc, but no long chatty phone calls early on in any relationship - I only like talking on the phone to people I know quite well, so it's not going to help with dating or the early stages of a relationship.

foreign_correspondent

I never gave out my number (or full name!) till after I'd met them and sussed them out... I tended to say 'why don't we meet for a coffee and a chat?' - then I could see what I thought of them in the flesh (so to speak!) before letting them have any contact details, then if they were odd, or not my type, then I could cut my losses and avoid them!

I think you can build up a picture of people from online/phone conversation that isn't always accurate, so preferred to meet them early on and see the reality! I also find talking in person easier than talking on the phone.

Carl31

pollyanna24 wrote: »

What a brilliant idea. Never would have thought of that!

Where can I get a cheap PAYG phone from then? And how cheap are they really?

A little but of a pain, but you can often get free payg sims, you can just swap them over in your phone

I just got one from EE via quidco, free sim and they paid me a fiver

Pleut

I used online dating. I met two people from there in total. One I dated for a couple of months. The next, took me 8 months of chatting through the website and skype (and eventually texts) for me to let him come visit me (he lived an hour and a half away).

We've been together 3 years now.
It's scary as hell at first but it's worth it!
Just use your common sense. If it seems like something is wrong, don't do it.
I'd highly recommend skype though. It means that you can control when you speak to them, you can do it through Instant Messaging, 'phone' conversations or video chat depending on what you want, and you can block them at the drop of a hat if it gets strange.

Also: you can hide personal details by not having your real name as your username