Is this Right?

nearlyrich

This is a complex subject and everyone has an opinion based on their personal experience or the experience of their friend or family member. My ex had a court order for 2 to pay £100 pm he was earning over £1500 and he only paid if chased back to court. Eventually you get sick of paying a solicitor and taking time off work to get a measly amount. I have just about made it through to the other side of financial responsibility for my children and it's amazing how much you have left in the pot when you are not paying out for child related stuff. I can hold my head up knowing I have met my responsibilities and given my children a good start in life, my ex probably thinks the (being generous here) £5000 he has contributed to the upkeep of his two children over thier lifetimes, has paid for my house, car, holidays etc, it cost me that much a year when they were both at uni and that was after he stopped paying completely.

On the other hand I have seen a friend of mine lose his house, most of his income and eventually his access to his children because his ex wife had an affair whilst he was at work providing for them.

Perhaps it's time there was an upper limit on the amount paid monthly to an ex spouse and the rest to be paid into a fund for the child to use for uni or a car etc, although there are flaws with that if the NRP is a high earner why should the children lose out on their former lifestyle because the parents have split if the NRP can still afford to fund a home and lifestyle? It's a complex issue and there are no simple answers.

MXW

BC_Rangers wrote: »

I think its about time we were informed of the outcome , as promised tonight!!!

There is no outcome as yet, the case ran over the 2 hour slot and the judge said he has not made a decision. My ex stood up in court and said quite openly said why shouldn't I buy a place abroad, it's an investment, this will be passed on to my partners children (not his own children!) He said that he was entitled to drive around in a luxury car, it was put to him that I was driving around in an old banger and he said so what! He went on to say that the only reason he bought a bigger house was because he wanted kids to stop and implied that I stopped him from seeing them, which is a complete load of rubbish! I could go on and on and on..........said he hadn't had a holiday for 6 years, but told the judge in a previous hearing that he couldn't attend the hearing (this June) as he was on holiday! The fact that he had dropped his income in Jan when he made the application and did the same when he made a previous application (and I had evidence to back it up) he said was just a conicidence. He went on to provide a letter from his employer (on the day) which said that he could no longer work overtime as the company had changed direction and they were employing more people instead (a letter along similar lines was produced in a previous hearing) Some weeks he had earned £1000 net and he explained this away as being unusal! He made himself out to be a father who was refused access to his kids and would dearly love to see them (I am so incensed I can't even go down that road) and that he had always paid his child support! What can I say??????? I'm waiting for the decsion........which if it is not in my favour will mean myself and my children will lose our home!

BC_Rangers

MXW wrote: »

There is no outcome as yet, the case ran over the 2 hour slot and the judge said he has not made a decision. My ex stood up in court and said quite openly said why shouldn't I buy a place abroad, it's an investment, this will be passed on to my partners children (not his own children!) He said that he was entitled to drive around in a luxury car, it was put to him that I was driving around in an old banger and he said so what! He went on to say that the only reason he bought a bigger house was because he wanted kids to stop and implied that I stopped him from seeing them, which is a complete load of rubbish! I could go on and on and on..........said he hadn't had a holiday for 6 years, but told the judge in a previous hearing that he couldn't attend the hearing (this June) as he was on holiday! The fact that he had dropped his income in Jan when he made the application and did the same when he made a previous application (and I had evidence to back it up) he said was just a conicidence. He went on to provide a letter from his employer (on the day) which said that he could no longer work overtime as the company had changed direction and they were employing more people instead (a letter along similar lines was produced in a previous hearing) Some weeks he had earned £1000 net and he explained this away as being unusal! He made himself out to be a father who was refused access to his kids and would dearly love to see them (I am so incensed I can't even go down that road) and that he had always paid his child support! What can I say??????? I'm waiting for the decsion........which if it is not in my favour will mean myself and my children will lose our home!

Well I've got to say , if all of the above is true then I cannot realistically see the judge ruling in favour of him.

MXW

BC_Rangers wrote: »

Well I've got to say , if all of the above is true then I cannot realistically see the judge ruling in favour of him.

I hope you are right. My worry is that throughout the hearing the judge was yawning, he was almost nodding off! I was so upset yesterday and didn't sleep all night, I rang my solicitor this morning who said that he went back to his office (this was after the office was closed) and again read through the notes and has said to me that he cannot see that a judge will rule in favour of him. I know from past experience that it is all dependent on the judge you get on the day, whether he is in a good or bad mood and what his personal opinion is! All I can do is wait for the next hearing date to see what happens and have to face my ex smirking at me across the table! My main concern is telling my boys we have to sell the house..............wish me luck!

MXW

ps. Having said all that, after the court hearing I went to pick my kids up from my dads (who has just come out of hospital after having a metal stent inserted into his artery!) My boys were waiting outside for me and said that "my dad might have all the money but we are a family and we love each other". No amount of money can buy that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BC_Rangers

Hope all goes well for you MXW , the ex is a big-time Charlie so hopefully the judge will bust him. From what you say you and the kids are a real team :beer: Best of luck from Paul :T

MXW

BC_Rangers wrote: »

Hope all goes well for you MXW , the ex is a big-time Charlie so hopefully the judge will bust him. From what you say you and the kids are a real team :beer: Best of luck from Paul :T

Thanks, the way i feel at the moment, that's really appreciated. x

Jillinoz

It's probably advisable for me to don my tin hat because I'm sure that my posting is going to bring me plenty of flak, but this thread has left me completely bewildered. As a non-parent (because I've never met a man I would want or trust to stick around to be a parent in the way my father was to me) but who is about to adopt a child (bearing in mind it costs on average £2.5K a WEEK for a child to be maintained in care by social services) how is it that mothers / fathers - fathers / mothers can be so tawdry (sorry, but I've struggled to come up with a better word but this is the one I feel the most) about giving their own flesh and blood the best possible start in life? In case you think I'm being an agent provocateur, I'm seriously not being inflammatory here, I am genuinely perplexed? How can a precious child's life be reduced to an argument over pounds, shillings and pence? And this is really not a sexist argument? Do people not think about the long term when they have children together? Once a money-grabber, always a money-grabber right? Or once a commitment-phobic shyster, always a commitment-phobic shyster right?

Or am I being completely naive?

Jillinoz races off to stick her head below the parapet making sure her tin hat is fully secured....

Zara33

Jillinoz wrote: »

Jillinoz races off to stick her head below the parapet making sure her tin hat is fully secured....

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Batchy

missylou wrote: »

Am not making a dig at anyone here so please be nice!

How on earth can anyone completely fund the upkeep of two children on £200.00/month?

Admittedly am not that brilliant with finances, but I can't make that cover the necessary expenditure for one child.

Sorry but I think your OP was suggesting that was HIS contribution to bringing up the children, what makes you think he should be paying 100% of the costs involved rather than 50% when his partner works, if she wants more money she should work more, or get a better job? Not expect absent parent to pay extra. Thats not how it should work.

So £400 per month to bring up two children is MORE than enough!

cheers