Question deleted

Guest101

MeltdownFalldown wrote: »

Thank you all very much - other boards were starting me being paraniod all of them were saying its over. Its good to get real peoples outlook on it. There is nothing pointing to anybody she could be cheating with but I was starting to think she must be. We'll work it through. Thank you.

Look this does happen.

It is common for people to stay in relationships they dont necessarily want, until something better comes along. But that is not always the case. It's actually a positive that she has spoken to you about this.

Unless there's unexplained absences, secret calls, etc etc etc - i doubt there is anything going on.

Person_one

MeltdownFalldown wrote: »

All the marriage boards say this sentence was the end of the marriage and she was almost certainly alrerady cheating. I dont want that which is why I posted here. The marrieage boards seem to say accept it and get on.

We talked and have a lot more to do I think.

Which marriage boards have you been consulting?

You're right, you need to be talking to your wife, none of us are inside her head anymore than you are. The suggestion of counselling us a good one, google 'Relate' or have a look at the BACP register online.

lollipopsarah

Oh dear this sounds so familiar, you don't say how old you are or how long you've been married.
As an over 30 years married old girl I feel very much the same, you struggle on with work etc even thought kids are grow and gone (or not) and you still just get by day to day, too tired to make the effort.
Maybe it's just the normal aging thing as when I look at older couples they seem to bicker and moan about each other all the time but you can still feel that they wouldn't be without each other.
I hope you manage to sort things out, best wishes to you both.
xx

74jax

aggypanthus wrote: »

I thing being InLove is the early days romantic days which dont last forever.
Loving your spouse can be deep and meaningful and last for years.

Guest101 wrote: »

As others have said.

In love - the honeymoon period
love - the long term

Perhaps this is an excuse to try reignite the spark?

I think this is the perfect example as to why you should speak more with her, through counselling or just your two selves.

I've already said what 'I' would take love/in love to mean, and it isn't what the two posters above say, so how do we know how she means it, you have to ask her.

I am sure you can both use this as a stepping stone to move on, I don't think this means she's having an affair at all, but act now. What have you done so far since you first spoke to her and posted?

FBaby

In my book, it means that I have got used to sharing my life with you and would struggle to live without you, but I don't find you attractive any longer and that is causing a serious issue to our relationship and I don't know how to resolve it.

Did you even ask her why she wasn't in love with you any longer?

duchy

We work hard and life keeps us busy.
Its very easy to forget to show your partner that you appreciate them, its very easy to schedule time for everything except couple time....it#s even easier to have good intentions and come home exhausted and fall asleep on the sofa instead.

When was the last time you went out together on a "date" just the two of you ? When did you bring her flowers...just because or pick her up a little gift just because you saw it and thought she'd like it?

It isn't the big things it's often the little things that are the difference between feeling cherished and not.

dandelionclock30

Instead of asking people on the internet, you need to sit down and ask your wife what she means and discuss the future of the relationship.

Roxie

Mojisola wrote: »

It's possible to get so caught up with life that a couple take each other for granted and gradually separate emotionally from each other.

Would she go to couples counselling so that things can be talked through?

If she hasn't had an affair and you keep accusing her of having done so, that could finish the relationship completely.

Great advice.

I would also say take a long hard look at yourself, are you taking her for granted, has the romance and fun gone, do you still make her laugh, have you let yourself 'go'? Are you still the man she lusted after and married?

Time and contentment can change a person and sometimes this can affect how your other half feels about you..... if she was attracted to your six pack and sparkling wit and now your six pack is 6 cans of beer in front the tv every night and your wit is sarcastic comments aimed at your wife's lack of sense of humour/enthusiasm in the bedroom/cooking skils etc this can quickly kill the love.

Relationships/marriages change and evolve over time but I think some people just forget to 'try' and keeping the love in a relationship takes a bit of effort.

Hope things work out for you

gunsandbanjos

I said these words to my ex husband.

I was not cheating on him, I've never cheated on anybody.

I was at the end of my tether, the marriage had not been working for a long time.

ladeeda

Get away from the daily chores. Book a hotel, spice it up. Talk when exhausted. You need to connect like you did before life took over.