Question deleted

MeltdownFalldown

Question deleted - sorry

Tropez

Basically, she sees you more as a good friend than a lover now. She cares about you, doesn't want to hurt you but that romantic spark that existed between you is no longer there for her.

She might not be cheating on you and at this point it's best to just assume that she isn't unless you have evidence already, otherwise you'll just drive yourself mad looking for evidence and believing you've found it on the most spurious grounds.

The best thing you can do is talk to her and find out why that spark has fizzled out. Ask her to be brutally honest with you. It may hurt you (in fact it will probably hurt you deeply) but if there's any way the relationship can be salvaged it is the only way. However, you should mentally prepare yourself for divorce. Try not to be too hard on her and try not to get angry with her. She's done you a service by telling you the truth. Many others hide these feelings from their husbands and cause huge anguish later on.

74jax

MeltdownFalldown wrote: »

Been reading MSE for a while now and know there are some worldy wise people on here. Unfort don't have anyone I can talk to, no real friends or family. All marriage boards seem really negative. Would like some advice please.
Last night I sat down with my wife and said I thought we'd drifted apart. She said "I Love You, but I'm Not In Love With You" - what does that mean?
The first sites I went to are all - she's had an affair (can't post links as new to this) but I googled- what does it mean when your wife says she loves you but is no longer in love with you
She says theres noone else but other sites seem to be saying that's the only reason fro what she said. And I can't see when she couldve gone off. She works and comes home, occasionally stays late.
Anyone been through this? Anyone been through this an survived? I really need some advice I love my wife and and it kills me to think shes been with someone else. Dont know what to do.

What makes you think she's been with someone else?

I love you but am not in love with you is basically how it sounds. She may love you like a brother, but isn't IN LOVE with you ie sexual feelings, loves you like a husband and wife do, etc.

She may have fallen in to a routine, do you still have meals out, romantic holidays etc, do you still treat her as your wife etc or as you would a sister/friend/mother, does she you?

What happened after your talk, did you both agree things were wrong, what you do to improve etc.

Mojisola

MeltdownFalldown wrote: »

She says theres noone else but other sites seem to be saying that's the only reason fro what she said.

It's possible to get so caught up with life that a couple take each other for granted and gradually separate emotionally from each other.

Would she go to couples counselling so that things can be talked through?

If she hasn't had an affair and you keep accusing her of having done so, that could finish the relationship completely.

susieq87

i dont think her not being in love with you means shes cheating, i will echo other posters and say that the spark has probably just gone off so its going to take some work to get it back. hopefully she will be willing to work on this too.
talk to her and find out why she is feeling like this and please do not accuse her of cheating because thats what other forum members said, this will push her over the edge. be patient with her and understanding.

best of luck!

Mojisola

MeltdownFalldown wrote: »

All the marriage boards say this sentence was the end of the marriage and she was almost certainly alrerady cheating.

I think it's much harder for someone to accept that their partner just isn't in love with them any more. It's easier to think that the partner has cheated because that puts them in the wrong.

I don't agree with the often quoted thought that "relationships are hard work" but you do have to put some effort into keeping a long-lasting relationship fresh and alive.

LEJC

Sometimes I've spoken to people who have used that line as a cry for help to their OH...or as an indication that actually they crave more from the marriage than they are getting...


Ive certainly never heard it from anyone who is having an affair...its usually used as a bit of warning shot to say perhaps all is not well in my marriage but actually I would like it to be better...


If I were you I would ask her what needs to change in your relationship to see the way forward...thats not just what you can do to bring things back on track,but what you can do as a couple to bring back what you have had previously.

Tropez

MeltdownFalldown wrote: »

All the marriage boards say this sentence was the end of the marriage and she was almost certainly alrerady cheating. I dont want that which is why I posted here. The marrieage boards seem to say accept it and get on.

We talked and have a lot more to do I think.

You should only trust message boards so much. There are boards out there where people will swear that the United States faked the moon landings and were responsible for 9/11 which are, of course, both bunkum.

And I am aware of the irony of saying this on a message board.

aggypanthus

I thing being InLove is the early days romantic days which dont last forever.
Loving your spouse can be deep and meaningful and last for years.

Guest101

As others have said.

In love - the honeymoon period
love - the long term

Perhaps this is an excuse to try reignite the spark?

pmlindyloo

Last night I sat down with my wife and said I thought we had drifted apart..............

This is the key -you have drifted apart.

Perfectly normal and perfectly fixable with a little effort.

You are looking on the wrong websites try this one:

http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/romantic-love/10-steps-to-reignite-the-lost-spark-in-a-relationship

Honestly, not as 'lovepanky' as it sounds!!!!!!!!!!!!