What to send a friend who has lost her mum?

Bob_Bridges

Just a thought,
Send her yourself - in a few weeks or when you feel your friend is ready.
Go out for the day, cinema, theatre, do something different.
But mainly give her time to talk to you.
If you can afford it - a weekend away.
It doesn't change anything but it may help to have break.
Good luck, Bob

HeavyMetalFan

A card with a very short message like "thinking of you" or something similar.

When my friend's Dad sadly died, we didn't get him anything as he's not that sort of person. We sent flowers to his mother instead.

fawd1

lostinrates wrote: »

I'm one of those who would feel .....left cold....by a soft toy, trinkets or a hallmark poem.


A gesture of friendship, the letter, flowers, or anything else you know she is not great at taking care of for her self.....does she go off taking care of her self under stress?

The nicest thing would be ...we didn't know or would have been in touch before but when you are ready we'd love to come and see you, help you with anything that needs doing, or take you out.

Completely agree. I know some people like that sort of thing (soft toys, poems etc) but I think you need to be absolutely sure they do because if a friend of mine sent that to me I'd wonder if they'd ever met me or were taking the proverbial. The best thing to do is CALL and talk to her, go and see her and spend some time with her. Don't write a letter and wait for a phonecall. If you want to write a letter, by all means do so but follow it with a phonecall or a visit. There is nothing more obvious and hurtful to people that are grieving than thinking that someone doesn't want to face speaking to them because it might be difficult or uncomfortable.

InsideInsurance

I agree with others that "things" were not what I wanted and I ended up with a mountain of fridge magnets etc with the footprints poem on it.

Human contact was much more of interest, ideally to be treated normally and taken out for a meal/ drink/ bowling/ walk etc etc to distract but even the sympathy was more appreciated than the generic pre-printed card with just "Love X " written at the bottom.

shop-to-drop

Do you have a nice memory of her mum, a particular event or just how you remember her? Lost my mum this year and letters with memories were a great comfort to me. Flowers would be a nice touch too but certainly not necessary.

coralpm

Thank you everyone for your input.

I never met her mum, unfortunately. We live at opposite ends of the country, hence why I'm not racing to see her (I don't have a car and there's no way I can afford the train at the moment).

I wrote her a letter and sent some wildflower seeds, a nice candle and some nice soaps. She knows I'm not good at emotion or sympathy and tbh I'm not sure that's particularly what she wants right now. Just the fact I am here for her when she is ready will help, I am sure.

Thanks very much again - you all helped me at a time where my brain is mush!

:beer:

kwmlondon

A copy of Faure's Requiem:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmrQHRnT4Mw

He was not religious but wrote an amazing choral piece that is moving and sad, yet uplifting and full of light.

Send her the CD.