What to send a friend who has lost her mum?

coralpm

I've just found out that a friend of mine (who has been very 'off the radar' recently) moved back to her family home in April because her mum died. This friend is quite a private person and doesn't have Facebook, so I was unaware and just thought she was busy. It's not unusual for us to go months without contact, even though we're very close.

Myself and another friend who has just found out want to send her a parcel just to show we're thinking of her. I will write her a letter (I also lost a parent at a young age) but I'm not sure what else to send.

Have any of you had a 'care' package like this? What did you find useful? What would you have found comforting if you'd had one? I'm just looking for some input as I'm a bit in shock and a bit at a loss. I feel so sad for her

Tiddlywinks

When I lost my mum I just couldn't handle the sympathetic approaches from friends - mum was gone and nothing but time was really going to help me feel any better.

I'd suggest a colourful bunch of flowers with a simple note that says "we were so sorry to hear you lost your mum... I know how much she meant to you. When you feel up to a chat or a coffee then give us a call".

So, then you're reaching out to her but not being too overbearing.

coralpm

Thank you, that's a nice idea. I remember absolutely hating the pitying looks I got from family and friends when my Dad died. I just wanted someone to treat me like a normal human being - thanks for reminding me of that because I don't want to come across as one of those people!
I think that's maybe why she didn't say anything at first...

Hezzawithkids

When I lost my dad I didn't want 'things' I just wanted to know that my friends were there for me if & when I needed them. A note or a card letting her know that you are only on the end of the phone when the time comes that she wants to talk, may be all that's required for now. I passed on all the cards and letters I got about my dad to my mum, and she still finds them a great comfort even today, 20+ years later.

Tiddlywinks

Some people sent me those poems and cards with really sentimental words like "footprints" verse.... They meant well but I just looked at them and thought how little they really knew me as those words were not right for me.

A simple message of "we're here when you're ready for a chat / coffee" just showed that no one was going to force sympathy on me... that meant a lot.

good_advice

A bear that cares. I was given one when going thriugh a rough time.

A necklass with a gardian angel disc.

dandelionclock30

A care package OP? sounds rather clinical.
Like the others have said send her a nice card thats not to ott and a nice bunch of flowers.

Tiddlywinks

good_advice wrote: »

A bear that cares. I was given one when going thriugh a rough time.

A necklass with a gardian angel disc.

These are lovely IF the friend is that kind of person who would like that.

For me, they would have made me cringe - it's all about knowing the person rather than something you yourself would like.

In_Debt_Bet

I think flowers and a suitable card would be a very nice way to let her know you are thinking of her, could I suggest a bouquet that is already arranged in a vase so that she doesn't have to go to the trouble of finding a suitable vase and trimming arranging them herself.

Sassenach_Quine

As someone who lost her mum very suddenly last October, the flowers/card that actually meant something would have been just right.


I would also add: if you have any photos of the two of you and especially if you have any with her mum in, send her copies of those. We got several bundles of photos from old friends who had moved away, all photos we didn't have ourselves, and they were very bittersweet to look through but it meant the world to receive them.

lostinrates

I'm one of those who would feel .....left cold....by a soft toy, trinkets or a hallmark poem.


A gesture of friendship, the letter, flowers, or anything else you know she is not great at taking care of for her self.....does she go off taking care of her self under stress?

The nicest thing would be ...we didn't know or would have been in touch before but when you are ready we'd love to come and see you, help you with anything that needs doing, or take you out.