How to motivate a DIY/Housework allergic husband?

usignuolo

Maybe I should be posting this on the families forum but I thought I would start here as more likely to find more readers able to office advice here.


My OH hates, and has always hated, DIY jobs and housework. (How I envy those of you whose partners are useful around the house.) Indeed he has a positive allergy to doing anything around the home, a combination of lack of ability (he is naturally clumsy and not at all dextrous) and a positive aversion to doing any domestic or diy chore.


When it comes to DIY he is ready to work overtime to pay someone else to do it and he can with an effort be cajoled into a little housework and gardening. Recently however we have hit an impass.


We live in a three bedroomed house. We have our bedroom, spare room and a third small bedroom which he uses as a home office. Our family is grown up and our son lives abroad with his family. While overseas he and his wife have produced two grandchildren. They are coming to stay for a holiday in the autumn and may want to camp out with us for a while in the new year, as they might be returning to the uk for good, while they look for somewhere to live.


The spare room is not large enough for2 adults and 2 children and OH and I have agreed we need to install bunk beds in the room used as his office for the children. For that to happen he needs to clear out some of his stuff which is all over the place.


He agrees this needs to happen but somehow there is never a right time to do it. I have offered to help and cleared a space in the cellar to store the overflow, but things have ground to a halt and he has taken to playing bridge several times a week, as a diversionary tactic.


I can hear some of you saying throw all his stuff in black plastic bags and let him sort it out. He is not the sort of man motivated by that approach and it would screw up his business files. It would not encourage him to get on with it. He needs to be offered some kind of incentive to make the drudgery of this (and other household related tasks), sufficiently rewarding to want to get on with it. Then I can order the bunk beds and a handyman to install them.


Anyone got any ideas how to motivate the old codger and indeed to do more DIY and housework generally. (Short of blowing up the bridge club...)

Gordon_Hose

Why can't you do it?

Some people just aren't good at DIY, and, to save damage and injury, it's often best to pay someone to do it. You yourself admit he's clumsy and not dexterous, or maybe you'd prefer to spend hours up A&E when he hurts himself?

You sound like a nightmare, no wonder he's out at bridge a lot!

mad_rich

"How can I stop my wife pestering me?" ;-)

I can see why you'd be miffed at him not doing housework - I would be. But not everybody's into DIY. If he'd rather pay someone else to do it, why should he do things your way?

In fact, if he's happy to pay for tradesmen, why not also pay for a cleaner?

Offering him 'incentives' sounds a little condescending to me.

Errata

There was a very funny thread recently in which a poster refused to wash dirty shirts, when OH told her he couldn't find any clean shirts she told him they must have been stolen and gave him the PCSO phone number as she walked out of the door:rotfl:

duchy

Why can't you clear the office out together.
Alternatively he could do OT and put up the family in a hotel instead.

I work from home and there is absolutely no way I'd have kids sleeping in my office. The potential for damage is far too high. Are you sure he isn't just humouring you and simply doesn't want them in his office?

At the moment it all is a big maybe if the family will even stay with you so you do sound like you are going a bit OTT with this tbh.

Doozergirl

All you can do is try to agree a day to do it together.

My husband has never and will never file an item, despite running a business. I have to accept that, really. He is also incapable of cleaning floors correctly. I have to accept that there are some things that I hate doing as well.

Have a day trip to Ikea to find the furniture you need for a sensible office space and the bunk beds etc and see if that provides motivation for him or find the motivation yourself. Trade it off with him against something else that he might actually do for you?

wishus

Not sure why you've had some negative responses - it just sounds like you're venting about something that frustrates you. It sounds like you've already accepted your fella's lack of practicality in general and normally work round it.

I can sympathise, OH and I are as bad as each other. Our 'filing system' is a number of carrier bags, but we know the stuff's all in there...

I think you're probably going to have to work around this issue too. It's more a matter of his organisation rather than his practicality here... perhaps because you know the office stuff will need to go before you can make the room pretty. If the room needs doing soon, why not ask your fella if you can make a start? Do you have box files ready?

Good luck.

Mojisola

usignuolo wrote: »

My OH hates, and has always hated, DIY jobs and housework. (How I envy those of you whose partners are useful around the house.) Indeed he has a positive allergy to doing anything around the home, a combination of lack of ability (he is naturally clumsy and not at all dextrous) and a positive aversion to doing any domestic or diy chore.

When it comes to DIY he is ready to work overtime to pay someone else to do it and he can with an effort be cajoled into a little housework and gardening. Recently however we have hit an impass.

Why should he do DIY if he isn't any good at it? Being a man doesn't make him responsible for doing DIY any more than being a woman makes you responsible for the housework!

He's got a good solution for the DIY - very sensible.

The housework is a different matter - if there's two of you in the house, both should be doing a share. If he's happy to work extra and pay for a cleaner, get one and then you do what's left (to balance the extra hours at work that he's putting in).

Does he avoid doing things you want because you're telling him what to do rather than discussing things and coming up with a joint solution?

missbiggles1

Why clear out his office and go to the expense of buying bunk beds just for a one off visit? Much better to rent a holiday apartment for them so that they can come and go as they like.

As for the DIY, either do it yourself or pay jointly for someone else to do it.

themull1

Get them to book a travel lodge or similar - why change the layout of your house?

usignuolo

I can't tidy his office to make room for the bunk beds as I don't know which files are important. I accept he is not going to put up bunk beds but until he sorts out his stuff to make room, nothing is going to happen.

I am reluctant to send them off to a Travelodge, there isn't one anywhere near and the one there some way away is you need a car for as it is not on a bus route to here, and they will flying in from America and not planning to hire one as we live very near a railway station. In any case I want the grandchildren around to see them as I see little enough of them as it is. I am hoping when they get back to the UK I can have them to stay.

I do not expect major DIY from him but I think he should be prepared to try some small jobs around the house not leave them all to me and I do think he might do some of the housework unprompted....like hoovering all the paper off his office carpet. Sigh.