Downsizing

ukcarper

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I don't have a room just to read in (that would be "extravagant"). I assume you are referring to my study here?

My study is where I have my desk (quite a hefty size one) and keep most of my books and all my paperwork. There wouldn't be room anywhere else in the house for that stuff and its best to keep one room dedicated to all that anyway, so that I'm not constantly distracted whilst trying to relax in sitting room or sleep in bedroom.

Lots of people have studies these days or, possibly, home offices. I don't work from home and do regard studies in a different light to home offices anyway, so study it is.

All well in good but but by definition downsizing means moving somewhere smaller and for most people will involve some form of compromise obviously if you don't want to compromise don't downsize unless .

ukcarper

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Further thoughts on UkCarper's "why a separate room to read in?" and I'm now wondering if he means "why would a married person require a 2nd room to read in if their spouse is watching tv in the sitting room?".

I remember JUST how successful (not!) my attempts at reading in my bedroom were as a child, when I was trying to get away from that "parental tv on all the time syndrome". Try for:
- no comfortable seating in bedroom
- no heat in bedroom
- no table etc to hand for things
- unsuitable lighting
- generally being a less comfortable/suitable room for leisure purposes than a sitting room

and all the same criteria will apply to most couples' bedrooms and that would mean the one trying to read there would "draw the short straw" and I could soon see resentment arising about "They get to do their thing (ie watching tv) in a comfortable room, but I have to do my thing (ie reading) in an uncomfortable room".

You could always put a TV in the bedroom.

moneyistooshorttomention

ukcarper wrote: »

You could always put a TV in the bedroom.

Some people do, others wouldn't agree with it, but the "less comfortable room" facts would still apply. It would be the tv-watcher partner that would "draw the short straw" then instead.

I guess there's downsizing and downsizing. Here I am thinking of a friend who downsized to a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom house (I haven't asked what size their previous house was that that means downsizing to them).

It all very much depends what you mean by downsizing. To me personally it might mean eg moving from a 4 bedroom/2 bathrooms and loo house with massive garden (ie what I would still like and have got my eye on the exact house I want in the event of that lottery win most of us would like) to a 3 bedroom/1 bathroom/reasonable size garden house.

It's not something some of us are in a position to do anyway, because we are already in a very small house (eg the 2 bedrooms/1 bathroom/no garage house I have that is as small as I personally could realistically go and similar size to last place).

seven-day-weekend

Well mine is a mid-terrace Victorian house, so can only downsize to a small bungalow or a flat .

One of my dogsitting clients has 'downsized' to the dower house on a country estate. It has a few acres of land. I can't imagine what they lived in before!

ukcarper

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Some people do, others wouldn't agree with it, but the "less comfortable room" facts would still apply. It would be the tv-watcher partner that would "draw the short straw" then instead.

I guess there's downsizing and downsizing. Here I am thinking of a friend who downsized to a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom house (I haven't asked what size their previous house was that that means downsizing to them).

It all very much depends what you mean by downsizing. To me personally it might mean eg moving from a 4 bedroom/2 bathrooms and loo house with massive garden (ie what I would still like and have got my eye on the exact house I want in the event of that lottery win most of us would like) to a 3 bedroom/1 bathroom/reasonable size garden house.

It's not something some of us are in a position to do anyway, because we are already in a very small house (eg the 2 bedrooms/1 bathroom/no garage house I have that is as small as I personally could realistically go and similar size to last place).

I think if you have a reasonable relationship that be overcome.

I agree there is downsizing and downsizing and it is a personal thing and for most it will involve giving up something only the individual will know if it's worth it. One of the things that makes in even more difficult is the cost of moving.

missbiggles1

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Further thoughts on UkCarper's "why a separate room to read in?" and I'm now wondering if he means "why would a married person require a 2nd room to read in if their spouse is watching tv in the sitting room?".

I remember JUST how successful (not!) my attempts at reading in my bedroom were as a child, when I was trying to get away from that "parental tv on all the time syndrome". Try for:
- no comfortable seating in bedroom
- no heat in bedroom
- no table etc to hand for things
- unsuitable lighting
- generally being a less comfortable/suitable room for leisure purposes than a sitting room

and all the same criteria will apply to most couples' bedrooms and that would mean the one trying to read there would "draw the short straw" and I could soon see resentment arising about "They get to do their thing (ie watching tv) in a comfortable room, but I have to do my thing (ie reading) in an uncomfortable room".

Both of us can read quite happily in the sitting room with the TV on, something we learned to do when we were children in households where it was on all the time.

Given the number of readers who do a lot of their reading when they go to bed or when they wake up, I can't see why reading in the bedroom would be a problem; if it's comfortable at those times, it's equally comfortable in the middle of the afternoon.

If all else fails, have a bath and read there.:)

seven-day-weekend

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Both of us can read quite happily in the sitting room with the TV on, something we learned to do when we were children in households where it was on all the time.

Given the number of readers who do a lot of their reading when they go to bed or when they wake up, I can't see why reading in the bedroom would be a problem; if it's comfortable at those times, it's equally comfortable in the middle of the afternoon.

If all else fails, have a bath and read there.:)

Missbiggles, some people are introverts and no matter how much they love their partner, still need physical and emotional space to themselves, otherwise they start feeling overwhelmed. It's not something they chose, it is necessary, it is the way they are wired!

My husband and I have been happily married for nearly 43 years, I can't imagine my life without him in it. However, both of us need our own space, where we just do things on our own, without the other, or anyone else. My husband will go for a motorbike ride, or a long walk, or he will go and paint in his shed. I will go on a train journey or go on the computer (like I am now) or something similar. We do things together as well of course! We love visiting friends, going on citybreaks or other holidays, eating out, watching films together, going to live music events, etc.

You might well say, well why can't he be in in the same room as me when he is painting, why does he need his shed? It's because he needs the emotional space, I understand that, I am the same (apart from the fact that the painting is messy ).

Just because people like to do separate things in separate rooms doesn't mean they hate each other!

missbiggles1

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Missbiggles, some people are introverts and no matter how much they love their partner, still need physical and emotional space to themselves, otherwise they start feeling overwhelmed. It's not something they chose, it is necessary, it is the way they are wired!

My husband and I have been happily married for nearly 43 years, I can't imagine my life without him in it. However, both of us need our own space, where we just do things on our own, without the other, or anyone else. My husband will go for a motorbike ride, or a long walk, or he will go and paint in his shed. I will go on a train journey or go on the computer (like I am now) or something similar. We do things together as well of course! We love visiting friends, going on citybreaks or other holidays, eating out, watching films together, going to live music events, etc.

You might well say, well why can't he be in in the same room as me when he is painting, why does he need his shed? It's because he needs the emotional space, I understand that, I am the same (apart from the fact that the painting is messy ).

Just because people like to do separate things in separate rooms doesn't mean they hate each other!

I'm sure we all need mental space, I just don't think people need to have separate physical space to have it.

Given that the subject of your post is downsizing and it's become a discussion about how to co exist happily in a small (er) space, I'm not sure how suggesting that someone can read comfortably in a bedroom is irrelevant. I'm writing this downstairs while my husband's still in bed and I spent yesterday afternoon reading and daydreaming in the bedroom while he watched the football, which seems pretty separate to me.

For most of us the time will come when we can't take ourselves off for long walks and bike rides (for some of us this happens sooner rather than later) so learning to coexist happily together in a small space is a skill best learned early on, even if it doesn't need to be used until later in retirement. For those of us who don't reach this stage in life together, there'll be plenty of time to do everything on our own (something I'm quite happy to do as I've often eaten out alone as well as travelling abroad) and some of us want to enjoy our husband's company now, while we can.

seven-day-weekend

I do enjoy his company! I was just trying to explain why some people might need more space (physical and emotional) than others.

Yopur post is of course relevant to downsizing, but I think some peoples' ideas of downsizing is different to others.

We for example would never by choice have a little one-bed property with no space.

moneyistooshorttomention

ukcarper wrote: »

I think if you have a reasonable relationship that be overcome.

I agree there is downsizing and downsizing and it is a personal thing and for most it will involve giving up something only the individual will know if it's worth it. One of the things that makes in even more difficult is the cost of moving.

Well...I guess if the two people are very alike. Don't know how often that happens....

I agree that different people have different needs/"needs" re space. Someone who is an only child (or it feels that way because they are the eldest and the 2nd child was born some time later) for instance probably require more space.

The cost of moving...tell me about it. I would say it cost me around £9,000 for my recent move (legal/removal costs across country/stamp duty/etc). I've not included miscellaneous costs (eg the items the removal men stole in the process whilst doing my packing = because I made sure the firm reimbursed me for them:cool:). That's moving from one cheap (ie under £250k) house to another cheap house.

Then there's all the cost of work on the next place and the vast majority of the time there will be quite a lot. I will shortly have spent around £30,000 on a little house like this and reckon I need about £20,000 I haven't got to finish the house off (given that I am doing it to "keeping" standard, ie nice kitchen still to do/garden to get finished and conservatory to add).