Downsizing

borkid

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I never understand why some people seem to need extra space to get away from their spouse/partner when retired - we're just happy to spend as much time as possible together while we still can.

Perhaps because they have a life of their own as well as with their spouse. I am an amateur musician why should I inflict my pratice regime on my husband? He likes listening to music but practice and playing are two totally different things. I enjoy sewing, he enjoys reading, why should I disturb him with the noise of the sewing machine when all he wants is a quiet read. For me giving the other person space to follow their interests is treating them with respect as an individual.

missbiggles1

Errata wrote: »

Possibly because on retirement they discover they don't actually like each other very much.:)

I suppose that's the bit I don't understand.:(

missbiggles1

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

This does happen sometimes and I think it's such a shame when it does. Everyone needs their own space though.

Space is often an attitude of mind rather than a physical attribute.

missbiggles1

borkid wrote: »

Perhaps because they have a life of their own as well as with their spouse. I am an amateur musician why should I inflict my pratice regime on my husband? He likes listening to music but practice and playing are two totally different things. I enjoy sewing, he enjoys reading, why should I disturb him with the noise of the sewing machine when all he wants is a quiet read. For me giving the other person space to follow their interests is treating them with respect as an individual.

But presumably that situation didn't just arise when you retired but existed earlier?

I agree that it's harder when couples don't share the same interests though.:)

moneyistooshorttomention

missbiggles1 wrote: »

For me, that sounds enormous for one person, although I agree that lots of storage is vital. We've lived in houses with 4 and 5 bedrooms in the past but, thinking back, we've always lived as if we had just 1 bedroom, living room, kitchen and bathroom, except when I worked from home when I had an office in one of the bedrooms.

I never understand why some people seem to need extra space to get away from their spouse/partner when retired - we're just happy to spend as much time as possible together while we still can.

It does depend, to some extent, on what lifestyle you lead/possessions you have.

In my case, I need a study (so that's the 2nd bedroom then).

Cooking is very much an interest of mine, so I've got the various equipment I need for that and stay well-stocked with food (so need a reasonable size kitchen).

The sitting room space needs to be big enough for a dining table and chairs/to double up as guest bedroom (no spare bedroom, courtesy of bedroom 2 being a study)/allow enough space for several visitors at once.

The main bedroom needs to be a decent size, because I have loads of clothes and to allow for overflow of books from my study. There needs to be enough "quiet space" to allow for interests like yoga (hence I've dedicated spare floorspace in that room for that).

If I had no interests/visitors only ever turned up in ones and twos/I ate on a tray on my lap (instead of at a dining table)/didn't have so many clothes/didn't do much cooking then I could manage with a smaller place.

As the person I am, with those interests etc, then that's the minimum amount of space that will "work" for me personally and I do struggle a bit with the size of the kitchen (which is "reasonable" size, but I really need a "large" kitchen).

borkid

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But presumably that situation didn't just arise when you retired but existed earlier?

I agree that it's harder when couples don't share the same interests though.:)

When we were working we didn't have time for hobbies. I taught so most of my evenings were for marking and preparation and often he wouldn't be home until nearly 8pm and then would eat dinner. We also had teenagers at home so there was also the taxi service etc. I used to have to mark in the bedroom as there was no spare room. Hubby had a room for his books and to listen to music once my eldest left home but he had far fewer books then and a lot less time. The weekends involved cleaning/ shopping /gardening/ ferrying children so not much time at all for hobbies.

We view retirement as a time to do all things we didn't have time or money for when we were working/ raising children.

missbiggles1

borkid wrote: »

When we were working we didn't have time for hobbies. I taught so most of my evenings were for marking and preparation and often he wouldn't be home until nearly 8pm and then would eat dinner. We also had teenagers at home so there was also the taxi service etc. I used to have to mark in the bedroom as there was no spare room. Hubby had a room for his books and to listen to music once my eldest left home but he had far fewer books then and a lot less time. The weekends involved cleaning/ shopping /gardening/ ferrying children so not much time at all for hobbies.

We view retirement as a time to do all things we didn't have time or money for when we were working/ raising children.

We were lucky and did all the things we wanted to when we were working, made easier by the fact that we both taught at the same college. Now we do a bit more of them and then enjoy just doing nothing.;):o

moneyistooshorttomention

PennyForThem wrote: »

So agree about space. Some ppl really need to be alone doing what they need to do without partner looking over their shoulder.

I really find it hard to understand why when partner dies (or divorces) the 'left' partner finds it really hard to get on with life.

I've always been single, but can understand why one half of a couple would find it difficult to "get on with life" when on their own. I think many married couples don't really understand just how many mental adjustments single people have had to make to living a life without a partner and we sometimes forget ourselves (ie because we have done so over a period of many years). So, I can understand being put in that situation more or less suddenly would be a struggle.

Having said that, I would certainly agree that there are many interests/hobbies where it would be more than a little distracting to have a partner "peering over your shoulder" and I always knew I would have needed a room I could read quietly in if any OH I got was into watching tv or listening to music, so that we could both "do our respective thing" without disturbing the other. I would have hated to feel I had no option but to watch tv (when I hadn't planned on seeing a particular programme and possibly hated the one that was on) because there was only one "leisure room" and hubbie had switched on the tv in it. I spent quite a few years of my childhood being unable to concentrate on anything because one of my parents always wanted the tv on regardless and the sitting room was the only room in the house that was either heated or had comfortable seating, so the thought of a husband doing that to me as well would bring me out in an instant rash...:rotfl:.

seven-day-weekend

I would just like to say I always 'thank' people for contributing to my thread. It does NOT mean I agree with their post!

missbiggles1

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I would just like to say I always 'thank' people for contributing to my thread. It does NOT mean I agree with their post!

I did wonder!