Sad day

BigAunty

dalo1981 wrote: »

They need to teach children about money management and educate everyone about the dangers of borrowing! It's me and my oh argue about is his debt and lack of money and he has such a spending problem, I think it'll be our downfall. I'm saving every spare penny of mine for said eventuality!

I would think in this instance, it's like trying to educate a compulsive eater on nutrition and exercise. That deals with the symptoms not the cause if there are psychological issues that drive it which go unaddressed. By any standards, his ex had a wake up call with the IVA but failed to wake up - that kind of thing would terrorise most people into changing.

What I observed about my ex-pal that was debt prone is that at the end of the day, she felt she deserved to have fine things despite low income - this attitude underpinned her risky behaviour. The type of spending that would appall and frighten me was just the norm for her.

She had also learned that if she got into debt, people bailed her out, gave her things, fixed things for her. She would have made a token effort to draw up a budget or tot up her debts if highly pressurised but it would have been just a superficial exercise.

The thing that rammed this home for me is that on the one hand, she told told me she feared her flat would be repossessed as she wasn't working and was about to exhaust her savings while at the same time, borrowing 1k from a Credit Union to go on a long haul holiday. I would have been brought to my knees in terror about mortgage arrears but in her world, the holiday was 'unmissable' and she was actually smirking when I tried to get her to justify that poor spending decision. Insane, but that's the mentality.

margaretclare

It really is 'in the mentality' and you are right to draw a comparison with e.g. compulsive eating. I go on to a weight loss site and you'd hardly believe the number of people who go on there saying 'I want to loose (sic) weight but I can't stop eating/snacking/sweets'. They cry out for a 'kick up the bum' or to be given motivation. Useless to try to help because it really is all 'in the head'.

'Because I'm worth it' sums it all up beautifully. Or, trying to empty the bath with the plug out but the taps full on. Or, as I GP I used to know put it 'like calling the fire brigade while pouring petrol on to the fire'.

margaretclare

dalo1981 wrote: »

They need to teach children about money management and educate everyone about the dangers of borrowing! It's me and my oh argue about is his debt and lack of money and he has such a spending problem, I think it'll be our downfall. I'm saving every spare penny of mine for said eventuality!

Read the first post in this thread. That could be you, a few years down the line.

heartbreak_star

Nothing really to add, OP - I just wanted to wish you luck, you sound like a good person and a fab dad

HBS x

BigAunty

dalo1981 wrote: »

They need to teach children about money management and educate everyone about the dangers of borrowing! It's me and my oh argue about is his debt and lack of money and he has such a spending problem, I think it'll be our downfall. I'm saving every spare penny of mine for said eventuality!

Make sure that the debt is in his own name entirely and that there are restrictions on access to joint accounts and so forth. From posts on this forum, it is fairly clear that spendthrifts often expose and make their partner's liable for their spending and those with compulsions/addictions often wipe out savings, take loans out against the property or secretly in their partner's name.

Bendigo

Just wanted to say a quick thank you for all your kind messages. Got a house viewing tomorrow and so please keep your finders crossed for me.
The sooner the house sells the sooner I can get my own pad and build my life up again.