What would you do in this situation?

dandelionclock30

Good morning, About 2 years ago I fell out with a friend who was basically very unsupportive over various things. We stopped talking and we have moved on with our lives and are doing different things etc. I dont want to be involved with them again as far as I'm concerned thats that.
Anyway yesterday this woman stopped me in the street and informed me that her Mum was seriously ill in hospital etc and was going to die etc. I said I was sorry to hear that etc and had a discussion about it how they were etc and a breif catch up. How I left it was for the woman to let me know if her Mum dies.
What I'm thinking is that if she does pass away then I'll send a card and have a brief chat saying how sorry I am etc. But I dont want any type of rekindling of the friendship.I dont feel that I can be supportive or offer anything further than this.
I'm not saying that they will want anything either. But do people think thats the best thind to do in this situation, send a card and say how sorry you are?

kev25v6

Had the same situation as you before, stick with the card and saying sorry then just forget about her. Some people just are not worth being friends with and just because someone is ill doesn't mean you have to be friends again.

JoW123

Yes, I would send a card and leave it at that. It's an acknowledgement that she has lost someone dear and will be grieving, but nothing more. If she does attempt to try and rekindle things then you may need to be polite but firm in staying away, but you'll probably find you won't hear from her again.

jetplane

This happened to me I fell out with someone who rebuked all offers of clearing the air, she betrayed me and although admitted to others that she had been harsh and unfair we never spoke again. I saw her after her mother died and I did not mention it. I wouldn't have wanted to rekindle anything but I do wish that I had found the grace to tell her I was sorry to hear of her loss.

BigAunty

I don't think she would expect any kind of contact from you and therefore won't notice if you don't make the gesture.

Peter333

Pretty much agree with most of the responses. No point really, in anything other than a card, if that...

marisco_2

Treat others as you would wish to be treated. Sending a card of condolence would be appropriate and thoughtful and shows respect. It doesn't have to lead to anything further.

dandelionclock30

The friend came round uninvited to my house on Monday dropped off a gift of some plants on the step and then left the property.They didnt ring the bell or anything. I didnt ring them and just left it.
Anyway yesterday my partner saw her as he was coming out of the bank and he said thanks and just enquired after her Mum who is alive but obviously very ill. My partner said all the right things like it must be very worrying for you and let us know if they do pass away etc.
Thats our plan still to send a card and a donation if they specify somewhere.

marisco_2

I think yourself and your partner are handling this delicate situation with care and compassion. Your friend has clearly noticed and appreciates this. I think you can rest assured that you are making a positive difference to her at a very difficult time in her life. Good on you

meritaten

your friends leaving a plant may have been a 'peace offering'. they may feel you would be a supportive friend right now. But, you are not interested in reviving the friendship so, yes, just a card would be appropriate. (don't forget to thank for the plant).

dandelionclock30

Ex friends Mum did pass away and I gave the family some flowers and a card, as my family have known her for 20 years etc. I think that was the right thing to do really.
Myself and my family didnt attend the funeral. Anyway the ex friend is now ringing up and coming round, not all the time but now and again. Asking for me to help them with various things etc. I have helped her when asked.
However I dont want to rekindle any type of friendship with her. Its really hard because when someone is on the step you cant just refuse to let them in can you.
I also dont feel I can say I dont want to know you, but I'm sorry you lost your Mum.