Regret moving into this place, help!

Spacepig

Afternoon, just after some advice really. I moved into my first flat share after living on my own for a number of years (19 up until now, 28) I've been here one month. There's 4 of us in there including the land lady.

Turns out the land lady is incredibly annoying and really making me stressed. She sends photos of kitchen plates that haven't been put away and left on the drying rack. Petty to some, but to me this is the start of something I don't really like. A quiet work, yes, but photos whilst I'm at work because you've had a tough day? This is the third time she's brought it up and yet she doesn't seem to pull her weight either.

I always knew sharing wouldn't be easy, and aside from the above I really do like it but this one lady is grinding my gears.

I've mentioned it to the other house mates but they don't really see anything strange about it.

Is it stupid of my to consider finding somewhere else? I feel as though I can't settle down after this. The other house mates are pretty cool, watch films, have a drink. They're also very close with the land lady, holidays, bbq's etc but I just feel this constant gut feeling to get out.

#Mountain/molehill.:D:eek:

duchy

Follow your gut
Find somewhere else and move out if you are that unhappy and it isn't just you are used to living a lone and aren't been subtly told you aren't considerate of your fellow sharers.
If there's four of you sharing a kitchen then not drying up and leaving it clear for the next is pretty inconsiderate and most people wouldn't need to be reminded three times.

pmlindyloo

I take it that the other flat mates were already there when you moved in?

If this is the case then you might want to give it a bit more time for everyone to get used to each other.

On the other hand flat sharing isn't for everyone. Are the others being sent photographs too or is it only you?

Have a think about how you can fit in and whether this is just an early days scenario or find somewhere else.

Spacepig

duchy wrote: »

Follow your gut
Find somewhere else and move out if you are that unhappy and it isn't just you are used to living a lone and aren't been subtly told you aren't considerate of your fellow sharers.
If there's four of you sharing a kitchen then not drying up and leaving it clear for the next is pretty inconsiderate and most people wouldn't need to be reminded three times.

By the way this wasn't my actual mess. If it were an actual tip or something to warrant sending me photos during work time, I'd understand but for non dried plates? I came down this morning, a few plates still in the rack from last night. I always put my stuff away, even more so being the new guy in town. But it's the cheek of the sending photos that has me.

My friend laughed when I showed her the photos. (she's a clean freak too, shoes off at the door)

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I take it that the other flat mates were already there when you moved in?

If this is the case then you might want to give it a bit more time for everyone to get used to each other.

On the other hand flat sharing isn't for everyone. Are the others being sent photographs too or is it only you?

Have a think about how you can fit in and whether this is just an early days scenario or find somewhere else.

They're all pretty well introduced, been on trips, cinema etc. Others have been there for a year the other a month. The photos were sent to everyone via group chat.

I have no problem with sharing, I actually enjoy it now but regardless of living situations, you don't deal with situations like this every time something goes bad in your Life.

I've noticed the other house mates don't really mind this, I brought it up nd they were understanding of her 'work stress'.

katejo

Spacepig wrote: »

Afternoon, just after some advice really. I moved into my first flat share after living on my own for a number of years (19 up until now, 28) I've been here one month. There's 4 of us in there including the land lady.

Turns out the land lady is incredibly annoying and really making me stressed. She sends photos of kitchen plates that haven't been put away and left on the drying rack. Petty to some, but to me this is the start of something I don't really like. A quiet work, yes, but photos whilst I'm at work because you've had a tough day? This is the third time she's brought it up and yet she doesn't seem to pull her weight either.

I always knew sharing wouldn't be easy, and aside from the above I really do like it but this one lady is grinding my gears.

I've mentioned it to the other house mates but they don't really see anything strange about it.

Is it stupid of my to consider finding somewhere else? I feel as though I can't settle down after this. The other house mates are pretty cool, watch films, have a drink. They're also very close with the land lady, holidays, bbq's etc but I just feel this constant gut feeling to get out.

#Mountain/molehill.:D:eek:

Does this landlady live in the flat with you? If not then I can't see why she needs to do anything like this.

vansboy

Sounds like an ok place to be, if you want to share. You're not complaining about other mates there.

Someone who actually bothers to show what shes concerned about to EVERYONE, by picture is modern day way of pointing it out.

Id rather have a neat and clean place than not.

Stick with it for a while, then see what you think

VB

PasturesNew

It's annoying .... everybody's different, just because the others put up with it, don't mind it, etc, doesn't mean that you have to feel the same way.

See how it goes, but my advice to you is to make a decision in another month or so .... but if she's really annoying I'd not want to be spending the Xmas period in her house as you'd not be able to relax in case one person missed the bin with one sweet wrapper on one occasion.

Reactor_2

OP,

I think you have to realise that it's the landlady's home, so she is the boss and you have to live by her rules. Maybe the reason why it's such a good flatshare (except the landlady) is because she has enforced these rules. 'The bathroom is so clean and nice, I don't need to clean it... The toilet is always so clean and smells nice, I don't need to clean it... The kitchen is so clean all the time, I don't need to clean it...'

Thinking about it from your perspective, I suspect you feel you were mis-sold on the flatshare and was expecting the property to be always clean for you and that you didn't have to clean it yourself. Given you are not happy, it's probably better you find somewhere else to live.

buglawton

Spacepig wrote: »

...She sends photos of kitchen plates that haven't been put away and left on the drying rack....

How about sending back a photo of a nice new dishwasher available from most electrical stores

In a heavily used kitchen a dishwasher is a near-essential. I was skeptical until I got one in middle age - and realise that one big benefit is that plates never sit on a plate rack any more.

meg72

Not really sure just what is upsetting you here, If its as you say receiving these messages whilst at work consider leaving your phone under your desk whilst at work. It sounds to me like its not a bad place to be and believe me theres far worse out there.

Spacepig

By Land Lady, it's not her house but she's the one who deals with the rent on behalf of whoever owns it.

katejo wrote: »

Does this landlady live in the flat with you? If not then I can't see why she needs to do anything like this.

She lives here, yes.

vansboy wrote: »

Sounds like an ok place to be, if you want to share. You're not complaining about other mates there.

Someone who actually bothers to show what shes concerned about to EVERYONE, by picture is modern day way of pointing it out.

Id rather have a neat and clean place than not.

Stick with it for a while, then see what you think

VB

That is true but if she pulled her on weight it'd be different. I.e, she didn't feel like changing the bins so they were overloaded to the top. She was the only one home all day so I guess that was left for someone else to do.

The other guys are pretty cool.

PasturesNew wrote: »

It's annoying .... everybody's different, just because the others put up with it, don't mind it, etc, doesn't mean that you have to feel the same way.

See how it goes, but my advice to you is to make a decision in another month or so .... but if she's really annoying I'd not want to be spending the Xmas period in her house as you'd not be able to relax in case one person missed the bin with one sweet wrapper on one occasion.

This is it, need to make a decision. You're never going to find somewhere perfect but this is something I can do without.