Separated but living in the same house

pmlindyloo

An article about someone who lives with the father of her child although they are separated:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1316688/Can-couple-split-share-home-Kellys-tried-years--torture.html

I think to be be able to receive any benefit help you would have to have proof that you were separating so a letter from a solicitor saying that you had started divorce proceedings might help. It is not impossible to receive benefits in this situation but will be the subject of an investigation - not fun.

Of course since you are in a rented place you could take the children and leave and find your own place to live. You would then be entitled to benefit help if eligible.

Is there any chance of saving the relationship? if you can exist together in the same house then perhaps there is a chance that some relationship counselling might be helpful.

Confusedandneedhelp

PenguinJim wrote: »

What a monster.

Hope thats sarcasm

Confusedandneedhelp

I want to say good on the OP and her ex partner for being mature enough to realise they both love the kids and want to see them grow up.

I think it's perfectly reasonable you both pay 50/50, however, depending on age of the children, you need to do this:

How many hours you work, how many hours he works (regardless of salary)

Then whatever he works extra, he should put half of that into the house fund.

So if you work 20 hours a week (because of the children)
and he works 40 hours a week, he should put 10 hours worth (the equivalent of the CSA demand, conveniently) into the house.

If he works 30, and you work 25, he should put in 2.5 hours a week, and so forth.

BUT that's into the house, ie for himself too.

It's not so complicated when you look into it like this:

You're total expenses are £XXXX per month

for arguments sake its £1,000, you are both liable for £500 each

However because he earns is in extra 'paid' work, whilst your extra work in 'unpaid' he should contribute extra to the household budget.

Its a solid argument which forumaltes the basis for alot of family dynamics. The only difference in your dynamic is this:

He can do what he likes
you can do what you like
you both dont share a bed

bargainbird

Thanks everyone x

I have had to conversation about him paying more as he works môre etc but the response I got was well you get the tax credit and cb.

greeneggs_2

If you can't afford to continue living together then realistically one of you needs to move out. Unfortunately this is a no win situation

PenguinJim

Please do put the children's needs first, though. Where will they be best off?

When you make that smiley about him wanting to stay and see his children grow up, does that mean that you don't want to stay and see your children grow up? You'll have to discuss with the CAB what options you have about moving out by yourself.

Or does it mean that you just don't want him to do so? Is he a bad father in some way? If so, there are definite possibilities for you to discuss with the CAB.

But from what you've said, he's earning more, and is more likely to bring in a step-parent in the future. You haven't said anything about him being an abusive father or causing any problems. Depending on how old the children are, based on the information you've provided, it seems like the children should stay with him and you should move out?

ecgirl07

I take my hat off to any ex couple that could make this work for the kids - in reality it could be the worse possible set up for the kids being stuck in a house with 2 adults biting their tongues and having simmering anger towards each other.

Good luck with it OP - if you are dong this long term you are going to need a strong set of house rules.

FBaby

I want to say good on the OP and her ex partner for being mature enough to realise they both love the kids and want to see them grow up.

I personally think that staying in the same house when officially not a couple is only going to make things very confusing for children. If you are going to be separated, then you have to separate. Maybe you can agree shared care, maybe starting with 4 days/3 days/4 days, or one week at one place, the other week at the other, but with wednesday at the other.

Children do pick up on things much more than we think, and it is confusion and uncertainties that are more distressing for children than clear cut situations.

I personally struggle to understand how anyone prepared to break up with their partner despite having children together can actually be happy to continue to live together? Surely if things are not so bad that you can cope with sharing the same roof, there is opportunities to consider saving the relationship?

duchy

I wouldn't even consider it

What happens if he wants to bring mates back to watch football or even !!!!!! and get drunk .its his home you can't stop him
Same goes for overnight guests either one night stands or something more regular

The housing association may be open to you both getting rehoused by them as it would free up a larger property. You'd probably have to at least have filed for divorce first.

If he refuses to pay his proper share then that might give you some leverage.

Are you expecting to continue to cook, clean, shop for him. If not how would it work?

It sounds simply unworkable especially as he seems to expect you to support him out of your benefits..... What next bring him and his girlfriends breakfast in bed?

bargainbird

duchy wrote: »

I wouldn't even consider it

What happens if he wants to bring mates back to watch football or even !!!!!! and get drunk .its his home you can't stop him
Same goes for overnight guests either one night stands or something more regular

The housing association may be open to you both getting rehoused by them as it would free up a larger property. You'd probably have to at least have filed for divorce first.

If he refuses to pay his proper share then that might give you some leverage.

Are you expecting to continue to cook, clean, shop for him. If not how would it work?

It sounds simply unworkable especially as he seems to expect you to support him out of your benefits..... What next bring him and his girlfriends breakfast in bed?

He's a bit old for bringing mates back and watching football etc

Overnight guests won't happen there are children in the house

He goes his own cook/clean/shopping

I'm not supporting him he has his own job/money