Life begins again at 45

Bubblesmum

I was so glad, we had cancelled sorting out the props cupboard today.

Morning was spent doing domestic chores like the washing and grand kitchen tidy up as OH was out campaigning... roll on our wedding anniversary of June 9th and GE being over. I have already voted!

We were committed to going in to Dad's again, so OH came in grabbed a glass of water put both our wheelies in the car, and off we went.

Guess where he was when I arrived, and was soon up putting plates in the oven when he realised that OH was bringing him in fish and chips.
I had salad from the Mr M & Mr S bought from the garage at the end of his road.

Then for the next two hours, we worked, cleaning his downstairs toilet which was :eek:, changing his bed, getting paperwork from upstairs etc
We were doing stuff we struggle to do at home. In all that time, he got up three times and shuffled to the dining table, and to find the keys that i had put in the wrong place! Everytime, he vocalised his pain, the only way I can describe is labour pains... and then complained that he was having a lot of pain.

I also felt that my company was not required, as the test match was on, and we were interrupting that..

We left, requiring tea and cake, and we headed to Mr Lewis to take back our roasting tray where the enamel was peeling. I had a voucher for tea and cake, I have asked OH to register for a My JL card, I think he is coming round to the idea !!!

Now I confess alongside the new mascara I bought, I added a lipstick!!!

We came home shattered, with a supermarket pizza and beer and TV

Bubblesmum

I admit I woke up stressed, because what I didn't' add was the final conversation I had with my Dad yesterday when he was telling me how much pain he was in. I had to say to him again that sitting immobile in the chair all day, was not helping and he needed to move. But I am he said, and I had to say that moving three times in two hours for less than 5 minutes was not moving, "have I got to walk around for more than a couple of minutes" he asked in a pained voice! - yes we both chorused, you need to resume normal activities.

"listened and understood" he said. He got up to see us out...

I have not heard from him since.

When I woke up OH and I had a long chat.

We agreed we are currently in a negative cycle, my Dad is stuck in this role of badly injured patient, who has decided the path to recovery, is do nothing, complete bed/chair rest, take pain killers and wait for the pain to go away before resuming normal activities.

I know both personally and professionally, that to recover you need to move, do and manage the pain.

We are similar personalities and both know best.

I am knackered running around after him... he has no comprehension the impact his demands are having on me.....

OH is knackered ....

1. We decided we had to stop ringing daily, as we are in this circle of focus on pain, and really not knowing what to say...

The Question is

1. Do I email his two friends who are supporting him, one daily, and raise my concerns and say I have had to step away.

2. Do I raise my concerns with his GP/or the OT from the reablement team.

He is a grown man, intelligent, independent and is informed enough to make his own choices.

I am sad not just because this is having huge impact on our relationship, but because

1. He has a full social diary of things that he could aim to do, but he has resigned himself that he will not do.

2. He is in a lot of pain, that if he could only change his perception and attitude, it would by doing ease off and be better

3. Mum - and in the back of my mind, is my darling Mummy whose cancer spread to her bones, who carried out her daily life and her social engagements till two weeks before she dies, when the bones broke down and leaked into her bloodstream. She was in horrific pain, but loved life and wanted to make the most of every second...

I am at a real loss how to motivate him, so sadly at the mo, I have retreated as I do not want to be the interfering daughter.

I went to church not in a good heart, and to be honest was incredibly grumpy all day.

BIL and SIL came to take me out to dinner, they had chosen a restaurant ( the safari one with a long neck). Restaurant was empty. SIL had a creature in her salad :eek:. My lamb tagine was good, and it was great to get out of the house. However, it took a lot of physical effort an I am reaping the effects today.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Just wanted to drop some hugs off with you Xx

Bubblesmum

Thanks for the hugs.... really appreciated

Despite really not having the energy and inclination to get out of the house. I am showered dressed make up and sitting in my wheelie on a train destination best friend and a glass of Rose !

Plus spare knickers but need to pick up flowers and toothbrush on route . Going from best friends house to medical appointment tomorrow !

beanielou

BIg huggles from me too
Enjoy the rose

I have no clue what to advise you to do re your dad I am sorry to say.
I dont like the way he sometimes treats you though

Anyway, remember to take care of you xx

Bubblesmum

Thank you Beainlou, lovely hugs and returned

Bubblesmum

This was rather a washout day, I decided not to have any contact with my Dad, and I heard nothing from him.

I spent a lot of the day in bed, and several times wrote a message to BF to say i wasn't going out to see her but as a previous post has indicated i did.

Was so glad I did, pink fizz, lovely meal and a good chat, is very medicinal we got to bed at 1am :eek:;)

Bubblesmum

Morning lovely people I don't know really where all the days went... but its another Monday morning and I am back....

Reflecting

Tuesday 30th May - trip to London for treatment and the news that my massage therapist is leaving the practice :(. Hoping she will find somewhere close, so I can still see her. I was really sore so came straight home

Wednesday 31st May. Was due to be on a coach trip to see our choir sing evensong at Winchester, to sore to go, was pleased to receive back some of my trip money

Thursday 1 June - was doing projector in Church for the half term children activities.

Friday 2nd June. - couple who are looking after house and cats when we go away came to visit - expensive, fortunately Dad is covering cost as he was going to do it. 5th Session with wellbeing coach, I really struggled with that one. Finally book club, went on my own as OH went to hustlings... good evening with friends, good to get tarted up.

Saturday 3rd June - Embroidery class all day, real treat but I have not doe any since

Sunday 4th June - Apart from church this was a complete mare of a day - PMT was just raging ( poor OH)

Bubblesmum

Monday 5th June

Woke up feeling very rough and unusually stayed in bed until lunchtime, had cancelled Pilates, got up as I had promised to have Mr Borrow My Doggy. Having him less and less so didn't want to miss the opportunity. Still had a horrible headache and cancelled my committee meeting in the evening.

Tuesday 6th and Wednesday 7th June - I can't remember, nothing in diary so I presume, I was trying to finish community and domestic chores

Thursday 8th June

GE Day! i voted weeks ago, protest voted not that it would make a difference in very blue Surrey

Weekly massage - painful, followed by hair cut and colour, was :eek:but worth it, as I feel so much better in myself. JB went to the count, and i stayed up, gripped to the TV and even spent part of the time in the kitchen as Thanks VIRGIN, we lost TV internet and phone at the crucial hour! Kitchen has an aerial, cats were not amused as i was disturbing their beauty sleep :rotfl:

Cheese on toast when OH got in 4.30am, bed at 5

Friday 9th June - Wedding Anniversary 11 years - we managed to get to the pub to celebrate ....

Saturday 10th June - Village fair, JB had his horticultural hat on, I was due on the church stall but was not needed as tombolla was finished. It was a lovely afternoon, I was a bit sad as the fair has been taken over more and more by commercial stands and less and less the community charities ventures etc,

In the evening we were invited to a quiz run by another church, had been looking forward to it, but my evening was dampened, by another person on my table who was very unfriendly when she realised who I was, (she had never met me before, but there had been some opposition in changing the Christmas day event I organise, from some members of this church and I realised she must have been one of them :(. ). Effectively I was cold shouldered! Not easy on a table of 8

Sunday 11th June - Day started with those immortal words I have loaded the presentation for you, my gut said oh no, and I was right, mid service I had to reload it :(

We were going to very posh hotel for tea to celebrate our anniversary, but both shattered and decided an afternoon pottering in garden and a freezer bBQ was more what we desired so :money::D

beanielou

Happy anniversary

Nasty nasty woman :mad: