Rights as a sister?

Mirr0rs

"You are only 18, and you've achieved all of this?"

Well...yes. As I said I had and continue to have some amazing support from my partner who I guess found me at the right time as I was close to finishing school, I was really immature and things could have gone incredibly differently without him. He told me I had the rest of my life to f**k up my life but we only get one true shot at an education and he encouraged me to achieve rather than resign my future to the life my mother chose for her, which was to leave school, get pregnant a string of times and try and cling onto her relationships THAT way.

I finished School with a bundle of GCSE's then did a 2-year course in Childcare (Level 3 cache) through college straight after school. Part of that course is practical work trials in a nursery. I did a year in one and then the second at a new place. At the end of my course that nursery kept me on and gave me a full time position.

So as stejobeth said it can be done, with the right application and support. I owe my mother for bringing me into the world but as I was frequently told growing up, I was a mistake that turned her life upside down and she made me feel that way ever since I can remember.

I've turned my life around with some help and I'm on the right track. I'm moving into my own flat with my partner in a few weeks and I have a great future in the works with him and we're planning to do things the right way.

But I fear for my sister. I fear her growing up being told and thinking the things I did. As I said before, Neglect goes beyond being able to take proper care. Mental well-being I would equate to be a staple of 'proper' care and my mental state was all over the place living with her. I want to pass on what I have learnt as she grows up, so that if she ever felt alone or bullied by her, then she has me. With this new baby on the way I feel she'll be a little more left out but perhaps she can bond with her new baby sister without as much of an age gap as there is between her and I.

I previously mentioned working it out with my partner and grandmother and that's the route I've taken thus far. I think a couple of you didn't read my last post thoroughly (Mojisola and irishrose) but I appreciate the comments regardless.

:-)

duchy

I do think that no matter how grown up you think you are at eighteen you are seeings things with your Mum in black and white and still needing to illustrate to her that you aren't under her control anymore. Which would be fine if it was just you but if you feel you need to be in your sisters life as a counter to your Mothers parenting style then at some level you are going to deal with your Mum . I'm not saying let your Mum control you but simply refuse to let her words get to you .....and if you don't take to heart anything she says they are just meaningless words. You can't change your Mum but you can control how you react to her.

TBagpuss

You don't have an automatic right to have contact with your sister, but you would be able to make an application for an Order to allow contact. You need the permission of the court to make the application, but this is normally granted unless there is reason to think that making the application would in itself be damaging.

If you make an application, the court would then have to decide what was in the best interests of the child concerned, i.e. your sister.

It is generally accepted that it is in a child's interests to have relatioships with their family, and a sibling is close relation.

unfortuantely legal aid has been almost completely abolished for family cases so you would not get any help with the costs of getting legal advice and making an application.

However, it would be worth you looking to see whether you can find a local solicitor who is a member of Resolution, and who offers a free initial meeting, as they would be able to give ou some general advice and might be able to give you an idea f how you local court might view any application.

Some solicitors also offer 'Pay as You Go' advice which allows you to do some of the preparation work yourself, and to take advice as and when you have specific queries.

Any application would be more likely to succeed if you are trying to maintain an existing relationship rather than start from scratch, so it is sensible to do what is necessary to maintain contact with your sister, even if that means putting up with your mum, until you are ready to address it more formally.

Mirr0rs

Thank you T-Bagpuss. I found your post really helpful.