Rights as a sister?

Mirr0rs

Short story - My mum and I don't get on and I have a 3 year old sister who I adore. If I wanted to keep my mum out of my life, would I have any rights to see my sister, because I know for sure she will use my sister as a weapon and probably deny me access.

I'm 18 by the way and I live away from her and her husband. I don't want to go into the reason why there is animosity between us. I just don't find her to be a suitable parent and I want as little to do with her as humanly possible, without losing my sister.

Help?

daisiegg

None, I don't think, until your sister is old enough to decide for herself that she wants to see you.

Gigglepig

Is your sister's dad your mum's husband? If her dad is not your mum's husband, could you get access through him?

Mirr0rs

I've ready a few yahoo answers that pretty much say the same thing but thought I'd ask here anyway.

Thanks very much.

Problem I face now is if I DID just leave it my sister will definitely be brainwashed into thinking I never cared about her when it's the total opposite. Aside from my partner, my sister is my world and I love her to bits.

I'm trying to move on with my own life and I get no support from my actual mother unless it benefits her or has a chance to make her look good for 5 minutes. My partner is frequently frustrated with how upset she makes me and has basically said I need to move on with my own life and stop letting my mum make me live hers. It's unfortunate my sister is so young that I can't explain things to her.

I'll have a talk with him and try and work out something.

Families, eh? Who'd 'ave em.

Mirr0rs

Gigglepig wrote: »

Is your sister's dad your mum's husband? If her dad is not your mum's husband, could you get access through him?

Thanks for your reply. No he's not her husband. She's actually pregnant with a third child with her current husband. There's no going through him. He's hen-pecked and under-the-thumb and I'd rather not get other people involved.

Mojisola

Gigglepig wrote: »

Is your sister's dad your mum's husband? If her dad is not your mum's husband, could you get access through him?

Mirr0rs wrote: »

No he's not her husband. She's actually pregnant with a third child with her current husband. There's no going through him. He's hen-pecked and under-the-thumb and I'd rather not get other people involved.

I thought Gigglepig meant could you keep contact through your sister's real father, not your mother's current partner.

If that's not possible and you're worried about your sister being told you don't care, you could keep a memory box like the ones some separated parents who don't have contact with their children use.

Buy and write a card for every birthday. Write a postcard when you're away. Write a short letter when something has happened that you would normally tell her about. Buy little keepsakes that you think she would like. When you eventually do make contact with her again, you will have the proof that she was always in your mind and heart.

Send birthday cards as well, just in case they get through.

Mirr0rs

Mojisola wrote: »

I thought Gigglepig meant could you keep contact through your sister's real father, not your mother's current partner.

If that's not possible and you're worried about your sister being told you don't care, you could keep a memory box like the ones some separated parents who don't have contact with their children use.

Buy and write a card for every birthday. Write a postcard when you're away. Write a short letter when something has happened that you would normally tell her about. Buy little keepsakes that you think she would like. When you eventually do make contact with her again, you will have the proof that she was always in your mind and heart.

Send birthday cards as well, just in case they get through.

None of the father options are options. It's my mum or bust.

As for the quoted portion, yes my partner has told me the same thing. To write something every day and perhaps even open an account and put some money away so that, when the time comes, my sister will always know I was thinking of her and that the choices I made were beneficial for MY life and that our mother was the antagonist/

Thanks very much.

pinkshoes

I'd grow some thick skin and learn to fake getting on with your mum, without it bothering you, for the sake of your relationship with your sister.

Relationships with parents improve as you get older...

Mirr0rs

pinkshoes wrote: »

I'd grow some thick skin and learn to fake getting on with your mum, without it bothering you, for the sake of your relationship with your sister.

Relationships with parents improve as you get older...

I'm not one for adopting head-in-the-sand syndrome. I was a lot less thick skinned when I lived with her. It took some serious talking and three years with my partner to get me to a place where I feel strong and confident enough to live my own life. I moved in with a relative, I finished school, did 2 years of college, got a diploma and a full time job in my field of choice as a result.

I'm not about to put up with my mothers manipulation and guilt trips, jeopardising my own own future, because my mother refuses to think like an adult but act like a child.

As much as I adore my sister, I've been told that I have to live my own life at the same time as I try and look after my paternal family. I'm not the problem here and others have said the same thing. If push comes to shove and she DOES deny me access then I only hope I can rely on the support of other family members to help my mother do the right thing for the sake of both her daughters.

I appreciate your reply, but I'm not a fake person. Deception is my mothers forte, not mine.

emsywoo123

pinkshoes wrote: »

I'd grow some thick skin and learn to fake getting on with your mum, without it bothering you, for the sake of your relationship with your sister.

Relationships with parents improve as you get older...

I agree with this 100%.

I don't think anyone is suggesting tea and crumpets and cutesy afternoons, but surely a semblance of an acceptable relationship with your mother would enable "access" for want of a better word, to your sister.

I was going to say unless she is the perpetrator of something evil against you, but on consideration, maybe it is even more important if this is the case.

Marshmallow82

You say she's not a suitable parent, is the child being neglected?